An Iconic Love

Today’s meditation hasn’t happened yet, as I decided to hurry my ass up and get outside and get some fresh air in the woods rather than spending the time in meditation.   So… I will do the meditation before bed tonight.   Thank you so much for deciding to come with me on my walk in the woods today, man.    I love you.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - Two of CupsToday’s draw is the Two of Cups, which is traditionally traditionally interpreted as indication of connections, partnerships, and attractions focused in the areas of emotions and relationships. The key factor in these attractions, partnerships, and connections is the mutual aspect within them.

What stood out to me the strongest today in this card when I saw it this morning was the pouring of water from the two cups above the ducks.   I didn’t understand why I was so drawn to the flow of water from these cups at the time, but I do now.  It is, essentially, the “rain on my parade”.   The water flowing from those cups splashing down upon the ducks below was an indication that things were not going to go as I had planned.

I missed the message in the moment, and only see it now in retrospect.

That aside…  The positive message in this card is not the splashing of water from the cups but rather the mallards themselves.  They are a representation of you and I… and our relationship.   Long standing… and universally understood. No matter where we are, no matter where mallards are, the connection between male and female are seen and understood as a connection between one soul and another.  A connection of love.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: How can I move forward with more loving kindness toward myself?

Mystical Manga Tarot

Reading Summary: Set down my coins (Two of Pentacles) and take some time to celebrate (Four of Wands) the good stuff (The Lovers).

Take Away: This is a reminder from the cards that I need to keep myself from diving so deeply into work and responsibility that I forget about the good stuff.  I have fallen into bad habits over the past two weeks that are exactly along this line, and I need to return to focusing upon stretching out my obligations and responsibilities and creating space… rather than allowing old habits and ways of doing things to slip in and steal away my “good stuff”.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #4

Cosmos Tarot and OracleWhat has allowed stress to take root in my life?:  The Dorado card indicates that by focusing too much upon my responsibilities and obligations I have allowed stress to take root. I am putting too much focus and value on work and responsibility.

What is the core stressor in my life I can change?:  Instead of just “intending” to create balance between my responsibilities and my need for more space in my life, I need to actually step forward and do it.  They Cygnus card indicates that intentions are only as good as the strategy you develop to bring those intentions to life… and sometimes you have to battle yourself to get there.

What can I do to ease my current stress and anxiety?:  The Comet card indicates that my stress and anxiety is the “harbinger of change”.  If I want to ease my current stress and anxiety, I need to do more than plan and strategize. It’s time to actually make changes instead of just thinking about them.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How do I choose relationships that bring out the best in me?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary: Choose those that understand my goals (Ten of Pentacles), that have Gideon’s mark of approval (King of Cups), and accept that I will always bounce back eventually (Knave of Swords).

Take Away:  It’s easier to find healthy and positive relationships when you look for those that, even if they don’t hold the same goals as you, understand where your core values and goals lie and accept them as a part of you.

The second card is Gideon…. and it speaks of your love for me and your need to protect me from those that do not have my best interests at heart.  You gives me the freedom to choose my friends as I wish (as I wouldn’t have it any other way), but as the King of Cups, you often have observations and insights into people that I don’t see or understand at first.   Your input is often crucial in me finding those friends that are healthy and long lasting.  

The third card is about my ability to “bounce back” from hardships and struggles. It’s about finding those that support me in that rather than those that encourage me to wallow or remain in a negative headspace after struggle or misfortune has brought me to my knees.


My Love Is Like The Moon

IMG_4392Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused upon dealing with difficult people with patience and kindness.  The meditation started out with a full body scan and slow breathing exercise, before there was a length of quiet in the center to sink into one’s mindfulness and relaxation.

At the end, there was then a short discussion on how when people are behaving badly and in a difficult manner, it’s important to remember that the majority of the time this happens is because of the inner wounds these people are dealing with, or the fears that they are hiding away behind that mask of distasteful behavior.

Sometimes we forget that a lot of times?  The face that people present to the world is not their true selves.  Sometimes that dick at grocery store that gets aggressive about wearing a mask is really a scared little boy that was powerless and squashed under the boots of others fighting back against being told what to do once again.

Sometimes that craggy old woman that lives on the third floor and glares at you in the elevator every day is really just so tired of giving all of her time and energy to others that she can’t handle even one more straw on her back… and is worried you may be that straw if she allows you to speak to her.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - King of CupsToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s relationships, emotions, intuition, and creativity.  This often communicates as themes to do with diplomacy and empathetic leadership, as well being an indication of emotional balance and/or having a strong but compassionate nature.

When drawing this card today, what stood out most strongly to me in the imagery of this card is the full moon in the background and the heron.

The full moon holds significance in the power that it holds.  When the moon is full, it’s at its peak power and it is a draw to the eye and energies of all.  It possesses a gravitational pull over the waters of our planet that is the influence behind our ocean’s tides.

The blue heron in this card also stood out strongly to me.  The symbology of the heron is one of watchful peace.  They are a creature that can stand in stillness for hours on end, aware of every little ripple and movement around them as they linger in their chosen spot.

What I see in today’s card is you.  You are my moon. You are my blue heron.   You are that for so many, actually, and you don’t even realize it.   Your magnetism is like the full moon.  You naturally draw people to you, not with your mind but with the blend of your heart and your strength.  They are drawn to that inner quality that puts others at ease while making it safe to stand in your shadow, out of the too bright rays of the sun.

The message in today’s card is a reminder of you… a reminder of the safety you provide, as well as the balm upon the emotions you are just by being you.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: How can I better embrace and love the shadow parts of myself?

Spirit Song Tarot

Reading Summary: Here, again, I’ve gotten all birds in what is very much not an all-bird deck.  This represents that the answer in these cards has to do with my spiritual path through the emotions (both shell cards) and encouraging a lack of judgements (Awakening Rx).

Take Away:  Shadow work.  This is about taking the time to reach out to that shadow side and do some soul searching concerning what makes that side feel as it does and helping it to see all that there is to feel grateful about.  It’s about the emotional aspects of my shadow self and allowing room for those emotions to be expressed and set free.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Where do I need to ‘step up’ in my life and do better?

Tarot FaunaReading Summary: You haven’t been doing your best (Eight of Feathers Rx) to balance your emotional side (King of Shells) with your responsibilities (Two of Rocks) lately.

Take Away:  In this case, not doing my best refers to turning a blind eye to the ongoing effort needed to keep these two elements in balance and not let my responsibilities overtake the emotional side of things and force it all back into a box. 

If I don’t make a concentrated effort to create that balance and prioritize the emotional part of myself, I will fall into old habits and let that side end up “buried in the back yard” again.  This past week has made that very clear, as I sort of lost my grip on that balance, as a result my responsibilities and my tendency to lean into that side of things took control and upset the very carefully balanced apple cart I’d had going on.


: How can I use this time more effectively and for my greatest good?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Everyone in each of these cards is facing left (thus the reason I did not turn the Knight upright) and is looking down into their what they value most.  The imagery here speaks of taking time to linger (Knight Rx) in these things that I value most and examine how I have dealt with these things in the past (everyone facing left)… and evaluate how to deal with them moving forward (Page and Ace).

Take Away:  Like yesterday, this is a reading that is echoing and expanding on the reading before it.   This is about shadow work and examining my past in order to find the weeds in my emotional well-being that need pulled out to make room for more healthy behaviors, both concerning my emotional side as well as how I relate to money and my constant need for stability in the physical world.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I give more to a relationship than I should?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary:  This reading refers to the “stuck” dynamic I have with my mother (EIght of Cups Rx), and how every time I try to start over with her anew (Ace of Pentacles) I end up with her trampling on my heart (Knight of Cups) and bleeding for the effort (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  The Eight of Cups in this reading was Rx, and I am the dragonfly held in place by the hands that should be loving but are instead restrictive and demanding. The cards in this relationship are pointing out a pattern where I try again and again to find that mother figure I desire from a source incapable of providing that for me due to their own selfish pursuits.



Sink or Swim

Today’s meditation was skipped in favor of getting my ass going on orders.  Yes, I know that is a horrible excuse and yet… I’m not going to cover it up.  I made the decision to skip today in order to dive into work and get things done.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The TowerToday’s draw is The Tower card of the Major Arcana (again), which is a representation of sudden and chaotic change.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the two bunnies.  Unlike in most Tower cards where the figures look like they are being thrown from the tower by the force of the blast, these bunnies look to me like they are fleeing.   This speaks to me of the reality that sometimes?  When your boat is sinking it’s time to jump in the water and pray for the best.

It’s not really in my nature to bail on a struggle, but I do understand that sometimes?  Just have to do so.   Especially when you don’t like what’s happening and have no control over the chaos or the outcome.

I feel like this has to do with my expectations. Specifically those to do with humanity’s intelligence as a whole.  Not that I can bail on humanity, but it might be time to bail on the expectation that intelligence is an inherent part of humanity.  At least… that’s what it feels like lately whenever I watch the news.

Or maybe the real message here is to bail on paying so much attention to the news, because every damn time I do?  I become more disappointed in the intelligence level of society and humanity as a whole.   I understand there are small pockets of real thinkers… but jesus… it just seems like there are so many more idiots out there than people using their brains.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: What makes me feel more connected or aligned with Self?

Sun and Moon Tarot

Reading Summary: When my plate is full (Ten of Wands) and I am feeling clear headed and in charge (King of Swords) with a sense of inspiration and adventure blowing wind into my sails (Princess of Swords).

Take Away:  It’s only when I am feeling the fog of confusion, fear, or struggling with emotions that carrying a full plate of responsibilities becomes a struggle for me.   When I feel most “myself”, it is when my mind is clear and I’m invigorated with lots to do and a sense of productivity at  play.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve upon my self-care at this time?

The Muse TarotReading Summary: Lean your expertise (Eight of Materials) into ideas that inspire you (Ace of Inspiration). Your progress and stability (Imagery in the Muse of Materials) will continue for a while without you in the saddle (Knight of Materials).

Take Away:  The cards here are encouraging me to delve into my new ideas and inspiration instead of focusing so tightly on my financial stability and progress.  It’s okay to take some time away from these stresses that I spend so much of my time and energy focusing on.  It’s okay to delve into other passions and ideas for a bit.  Nothing is going to topple off kilter if you do this for a short time (and perhaps begin to incorporate it into my life in some way to carry it forward in the future as well).


: How can I overcome my fear of change?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary: Hope for something better to come (The Star) while taking action to defend (Eight of Wands) what I hold most dear (Three of Pentacles) with all the tools in my arsenal (The Magician).

Take Away:  When change comes around, whether it’s gradual and builds up over time or comes out of the blue with chaos and a cacophony of stress, I have a habit of going immediately to a pessimistic view and start catastrophizing.  I think this is pretty normal for a lot of people, but it isn’t productive and only indulges my fears.

The cards here indicate that if I want to overcome these fears, a better option is to consciously reach for a more optimistic view of what the changes might result in while making sure those things that are important to me stay whole and cared for along the way.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How am I different in my romantic relationship than I am with others?

Tarot Mucha

Reading Summary: Vulnerable (Five of Pentacles) and uncertain (Nine of Cups Rx) and more open to allowing my emotions to overflow (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  In my romantic relationship, I allow far more vulnerability to rise to the surface and be shared with you than I would ever allow others outside of that intimate relationship to see.  I share with you my uncertainties and fears, my worries and self doubts.   I share with you all of these things, and I share with you my emotions, which is something I very rarely share with others in any true depth.  With you, though, I allow those emotions to spill over within the safety and security of the knowledge that you want them… need them… and will love me no matter how intense or disorganized or messy that emotional part of me may be.


Patience is Important

IMG_4217Today’s meditation was was just over ten minutes long and was essentially a session on energy expansion, although it was not labeled as such.   It was a really pleasant experience, and similar to something I do regularly just to “stretch” a bit internally.

Essentially, the guided meditation walked you through feeling your “personal space” that surrounds you, then expanding that perception outward a few feet, and then to the room, and then beyond the room.  In my case, probably because I project so strongly, the stretch outward in this way is not just receptive but also projects my energy out much like a tree stretching out its branches and roots

The meditation then walked you back through pulling your sense and energy back in again before giving a little talk about how it is important to take time now and then to allow yourself some space to just be and feel.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Seven of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Seven of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of hard work and sustainable results in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, and the physical / material world at large.

What stands out most strongly to me today in this image ins the lush berries produced by the bushes, and the shovel.   These things both are a clear representation to me of the traditional meaning of this card.  The shovel speaks to me of hard work.  Whereas the berries speak to me of long term successes, as it takes time for berries to grow and ripen. First the plant must flourish and then flowers must bloom.  And then only once it has reached that point do berries start to appear as the flowers lose their petals and their centers begin to swell and plump.

The message here is that success takes time… and hard work. Patience is important.

Patience is not really one of my strong suits when it comes to my pursuits and passions, but I do understand it, and it speaks to me strongest when represented in the form of plants bearing fruit.   The cards are letting me know that just because I’ve slowed down a bit… and just because my business is going into an anticipated lull now that Mothers Day is over… I’m still progressing.  I will continue to progress.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #2
What is causing my heightened libido over the past week?

Animal Wisdom TarotIntuitive Interpretation:  Right… so the increased libido is about the emotional growth I am going through and has to do with finding an outlet while I adjust to this new level of emotions I’m feeling.  The combination of the rainbow in the Lizard card and the “rainbow” of sunset/sunrise colors behind the Pegasus in the Horse card indicates that the spike is temporary and to ride it out and enjoy it (Pegasus with wings upraised).

The color combination between the center cards speaks of my inner self seeking a safe way (Seven of Branches) to express this newness in the level of emotions I’m experiencing (Ace of Shells). The far left card and far right cards are also connected through color correlations, and indicate that I am experiencing things from a new perspective (Master of Suspension) and seeking a way forward that will not suppress my growth (Spirit of Freedom).  There is also a color match between two right cards that refers to feeling that this new level of emotion and my experience of it (Ace of Shells) feels a bit out of control and the sex is serving as an outlet for my cup that is running over at the moment (Spirit of Freedom).

Take Away:  Essentially my libido has kicked into high gear in an effort to help find an outlet for the new level of emotions I’m experiencing.  As I struggle with finding balance, my libido is allowing the overflowing contents of my “cup of emotions” to splash over the rim of the cup in a safe and secure manner (into your hands).  The cards indicate that this is temporary, but to enjoy it while it lasts.


: What is the biggest challenge for me in our recent Global situation?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Struggles with patience and restraint (Temperance) creating a situation where I am too much in my head (King of Swords) without any kindness or understanding (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  I wonder if this is why I’ve been sleeping so much lately.  It sort of serves as an escape, both from the lack of alone time and also from the constant nagging bullshit I have going on in my head right now that teeters between “you’re not doing enough” and “you’re fucking up”.   I feel like I have both too much time on my hands and yet not enough time… at the same time.   It’s very confusing and I know it has a lot to do with those self recriminations and lack of understanding directed toward myself in relation to the current situation.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What scares me about relationships?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary: All the work going to waste (Eight of Pentacles) and ending up alone (Nine of Pentacles) with hard choices and no one to help with them (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  The ending.  What scares me about relationships is the ending.  I really struggle to foster and nourish my relationships with others.  The connections, the communication, the time spent with others… sometimes it feels not just like a lot of hard work, but like I’m tiptoeing through a mine field and any wrong step will blow the whole thing up in my face.

I see other people in their friendships and relationships, and it looks so easy and natural.  This has never been the case for me.

This doesn’t keep me from being myself, but it does make the entire process feel a bit arduous.   At the same time?  I value those people in my life, so the work is worth it.   But…. it also gives breed to the fear of stepping on one of those mines and the whole thing ending up for naught.