mental health

Mindful Gratitude

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twenty eight seconds, and focused on listening. The kind of listening that engages more than just your ears, but also the mind and the heart. Often, people “hear” what others are saying, not just in passing but even in conversations, but they’re too busy plotting their next words or with their minds on something else to actually -listen-. This ability to focus and truly listen is important and even I am guilty of neglecting to do this from time to time.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is a card of within the suit of emotions, relationships, imagination, and creativity. The ninth card in this suit represents. fruition, gratitude, contentment, and the consequences that are involved with finding yourself at the end of a journey.

The Ten of Cups speaks to looking back upon the path that you have traveled, and being grateful for where it has brought you.

This is a theme that I have been working on in my life lately. Gratitude and self-care. I have to admit that there’s a bit of a struggle involved. Or… maybe struggle isn’t the right word. It’s more like trying to develop a new habit. You need to remember to mindfully rinse and repeat again and again until it becomes a habit over time.

For me, self-care and being mindfully grateful for the present are the habits that I am trying to instill. I see this card as an encouragement to keep at it, even when I feel frustrated or uninspired.

Intellectual Inspiration

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Today’s meditation was eleven minutes and twenty two seconds, and focused on worry and discerning the differences between productive worry, and non-productive worry.  It also outlined the “pause and take a breath” method of centering yourself when your worries try to run away with you.

Today’s draw is the Ace of Swords. This card is a representation of potential and the seed of new beginnings in the areas of thought, logic, and communication.

The appearance of the Ace of Swords in today’s draw is an encouragement for me too do the studying and research needed to finish catching up on my tarot journal.

Starting my journal late in the year created a couple of hurdles I wasn’t expecting to come across. I managed to get quite a bit done with putting the journal together and the visual side of things, but then I stalled out when it came to filling in the pages with my writing.

This card is telling me that today is a good day to “fresh start” the intellectual part of this process.

[Update from later in the day, since I did my meditation this evening instead of in the morning. I spent a good chunk of my day working on my journal.  I changed a few of the organizational factors and did a good deal of research for my writing.  I then sat down and got some writing done and I am now about 3/4 of the way through catching things up.  If I can find some time to dedicate to it tomorrow I might be able to get it completely caught up.

Encouragement In the Face of Imbalance

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twenty three seconds, and focused on the natural breath.

Most of the time when I meditate, I do yogic breathing. This means that my breaths are rhythmic and deep, with a full inhale to completely fill the lungs, then a full exhale until the lungs are empty before then repeating the process.

Today’s meditation was to focus on your natural breath, which I found oddly difficult to do. When I allow myself to breathe naturally without control, I find that my breathing is not particularly even, or very deep. And, like the observation effect in physics, it feels as if just by observing the natural breath (even as a passive observer), that the observation results in change.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which represents is a strong “feminine” energy, personality, or person that is both nurturing and practical in the areas of the physical world, money, and resources.

A lot of the times when I see a Queen card within a daily draw, it is a sign of praise for something that is happening or that I have accomplished. This is, of course, a very limited view and I believe that it is especially lacking in regard to today’s draw.

The appearance of the Queen of Pentacles today is telling me that, rather than having found a balance between work and home, it is something that I still need to work on.

I agree with that message, as I feel that I have had very little time with you lately. I’ve been so focused on trying to get back on track after the depression that had weighed me down for so long, and As a result I have been neglectful of you and your needs… and myself and my own needs where you are concerned.

The Queen of Pentacles presence in today’s draw tells me that I need to pay more attention to finding that balance that gives me the time and energy to work on my goals financially and otherwise, but also to spend time with you and nurture that “home” aspect of my life as well.

The Return Trip

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Today’s meditation was about self-compassion and kindness. If focused on how when we look at our inner thoughts throughout the day the cycle around in our head, they are often berating and judging in nature.

The guided meditation was an activity focused on how to get better at being kind to yourself both during meditation and throughout the day.

Today’s draw is the King of Swords, which represents strength, authority, and a decidedly alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of logic, thought, and communication.

He is… me. The me beyond the influence of my depression. As the King of Cups is so very much the “you” that I see and admire, the King of Swords is an embodiment of what you express admiration for in me.

That is my moral compass, my need for fairness, my logical mind, and my efforts at impartial examination of things from all angles I can reach before coming to a decision.

This card is a reminder of where I am returning to as I pull out of my depression completely and recover from it effects and lingering sensitivities.

In the time following a depression there is a period of rebalancing. A time when I am more reactive, more sensitive, and less likely to pay attention to all aspects of a situation.

During these times it’s all about following my instincts to keep me on track as well as in my interactions with others. Then, over time, my mind kicks back into gear and I settle back into I far more logical approach, while my instinct and moral compass whisper in the background.

The King of Swords is an indication that this transformation is in the process of taking place and I am on my way back to my own sense of “normal”. My own, very personal type of balance.

Seeding the Garden of New Ideas

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Like yesterday, my morning was a bit hectic and inconvenient today. So, I drew my card first thing when I got up to give myself focus and food for thought throughout my day, but didn’t have time to meditate until this evening.

Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and forty-nine seconds, and focused on letting go. Whether that be negative feelings, or thoughts that keep one up at night, etc.

I didn’t think this one applied to me very much, but now that it’s over I feel… better. I’m not sure what I let go exactly, but I definitely feel lighter.

The woman’s voice on the guided meditation was so soothing that I caught myself dozing off a few times. I definitely need a nap.

Today’s draw is the Ace of Swords. In the suit of intellect, communication, and logic, the Ace represents new beginnings, fresh insights, and the discovery of new truths. It can also be a powerful encouragement concerning new intellectual endeavors, projects concerning communication, etc.

I can’t help but see a strong correlation between the appearance of this card and this new project we’ve embarked on with this blog.

I know you are seeing benefits from what I’ve begun here, and I think that I see some of them as well. I’m more aware of myself and my inner dialogue throughout the day than I was before. And, I truly believe that this project made a profound impact on how I surfaced from my depression this time around.

I feel more… hopeful, too. And there’s no denying the benefits to our relationship, as it has opened up channels of communication that, following a depression, are usually much more difficult, awkward, and uncomfortable to get opened back up. Not to mention usually taking quite a bit more time? I’m pretty sure that’s also the case, because although I don’t really remember that part of things (or at least not much of it), this time feels… accelerated. And yet not in an overwhelming way.

SO… wandering thoughts aside, I feel like this card is a reminder that this blog and what I’m doing here is a good thing. The card was also a bit of a prompt to really look at the benefits mentioned above as well.

Be the Lamb, Not the Lion

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Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and eight seconds, And focused on something called the Beginners Mind.

This is the concept of looking at things through fresh eyes instead of through with preconceived notions. It’s about experiencing things as if they are new, and letting that sense of wonder at something new into your heart and mind.

I think this is something that I’ve started to forget to do. Not that I’ve forgotten how, but more that I’ve just forgotten to practice this in my life.

There was a time when I saw a lot of the world this way… but I feel that over time I’ve closed off and forgotten to experience things in this perspective. I think it’s possible that having that shift in perspective has made me a less positive person.

Perhaps it’s time to start consciously practicing Beginners Mind more regularly in an effort to make it a habit once more.

Today’s draw is the page of pentacles. The suit of Pentacles represents money, resources, and the physical plane. The Page represents an omega type of energy, personality, or person.

The page in the suit can also represent one’s focus and dedication towards something of the physical plane. For me, that is stability. Financial stability is one of my lifelong goals, no matter what tax bracket I’m in or how much money I have (or don’t have) in my pocket at any given time.

This card ties into my current worries about monetary issues and the extra spending that I did while I was in that pit of depression. It’s a reminder to be cautious when spending money for a while so that I can catch up.

The card is telling me to be the lamb. Do not be the lion, full of roar and fight and push and shove. Instead, focus on that goal of stability that I’ve built over the years of my life and accept it takes time and dedication. One small hiccup doesn’t change that in the long run.

At the same time, this card also reminds me not to be too hard on myself about those small spending that I did during that time. Stability is a long term goal. It takes patience and a long reach… not a short race.