Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was my third time using the chimes and harp plucking for meditation rather than a guided meditation with a closing message about this or that.   I am still having some very positive effects from this form of meditation, and I plan on continuing with it until I either become bored with it and want to try something different, or if it begins to be less effective for me and I need to move back to another style.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Eight of SwordsToday’s draw is the Eight of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of willful ignorance, having a victim mentality, negative self talk, and restrictions imposed upon oneself.  This card is not about another’s influences upon you, but rather about your own influences upon yourself.  It is about turning a blind eye… or closing your eyes entirely.

There is nothing specific in the imagery that stands out to me today, which indicates that this card’s message is one with the card’s traditional interpretations.

The message here is very clear, and needs little interpretation.  The words were there in my mind the moment the card was turned over, and the pop of red in the card’s imagery only makes the message that much stronger.

What is that message?  “You can’t ignore it anymore. You’ve already made the appointment… Get your ass together and finish your goddamn taxes.”


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Star Spinner TarotThe young woman sat upon the park bench, hours passing as she sits lost in thought about her soldier that has been gone for so long and traveled so very far away.  Her mind is filled with plans as she waits for him to return… anticipation humming along the sharp edge of the blade tucked safely out of sight within her jacket pocket.


Pause and Consider

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I am trying a new method for a few days to try and mix things up again.   With this new method, I have found a couple of tracks where someone is just randomly plucking strings on a harp.  I have set it up as background noise and set a quiet tone to chime every two minutes for the stretch of my ten minute meditation.

I’m using the plucking of those strings as a focus, and the two minute intervals for the hold on my piriformis stretching.   Today was the first experiment with this, and it was really nice.   Very relaxing and oddly? Not as difficult as usual to stay centered.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Seven of CupsToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which traditionally is often interpreted as representing a time when one is confronted with an abundance of options to choose from, or overwhelmed by them. In my readings, this card also often includes a message about making sure you look over your options thoroughly and choose wisely.

What most strongly stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the dragon, and secondarily, the plant wreath growing out of the cup beside it.   I think that it’s important to note (and the contrast between the dragon and the plant are a prime example of this) that each of these cups is full.  In some cups there is good stuff, in other cups there is bad stuff.  In some of the cups, what looks good could actually end up being bad.

This really all boils down to making good choices, though. And the message that I get from today’s card is that I need to take time to really weigh my options rather than making rash decisions.  Make sure to look beyond the surface level and really dig deep to make sure I’m getting what I want… and not just what I think I want.

With so many decisions being made in my life right now and so many choices before me to work through and sort out, I think that this is actual advice.  And in a very literal way? This card is reminding me that I have tax crap to get done, and I need to get on that before the procrastination is too far out of hand to recover from.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is a better way to confront and/or deal with my fear of loss?

Spiritsong TarotReading Summary: Keep calm and foster the kindness within you (Temperance) while allowing your intuition and imagination free reign (Page of Shells) to carry you through (The Chariot).

Side Note:  I love a rhino as the Chariot.  I think it’s a spectacular choice for that card.

Take Away:  The cards indicate not to let fear have free reign, as that is a sure way to instigating the thing I fear the most into happening.  Instead, make sure that I am giving my imagination and my intuition all the room it needs to grow and thrive.  In doing so, the times when I risk losing both are lessened because they will have grown strong and more easily be able to stay in control.


: How can I connect with my supporters on a deeper level?

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle

Reading Summary: Communication and interaction (Jupiter). Pay attention to ascertain how they are doing and what they need (Lynx). And by using the tools available to me to better their situation and allay their fears/help in their struggles (Aries).

Take Away:  There is some sort of really huge appeal to me in the combination of imagery between these two cards. The color correspondences between the three are breathtaking to me and really make their differences pop as well.

The cards indicate that the best way to connect with my supporters on a deeper level is to support them in turn, and make sure I am staying in contact and paying attention so that I know when I am needed and can be there for them at that time.


Spiritual Nourishment

Today’s meditation was interrupted. The workers came to get the wall patched in my kitchen where they’d had to open it up behind the stove to dry out the inside of the wall from back when I had that water leak in the attic.  They got the drywall up and plastered or… whatever it’s called.   I guess they’re coming back tomorrow to paint and someone else is taking care of the bit of flooring that had to be torn up.   Anyway, they interrupted, so I will need to try again tonight before bed.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Ace of CupsToday’s draw is my current STALKER CARD.   Yes, I have been being chased by the Ace of Cups for a good couple of weeks now, and it seems to be getting more and more prevalent over the last few days.   Traditionally, the Ace of Cups is a representation of new beginnings, the seed of a start, the first tiny spark of life.   It is about love and new relationships, and the whispering beginnings of creativity coming to life.

What speaks strongest to me in this card today is all the water.  All the water… and the communion wafer (host).  In Christianity, the host is seen as symbolism of spiritual nourishment that provides healing, sent by the Holy Ghost (in the form of a dove) .  This speaks to me of spirituality and healing.  Although I am not Christian (and never have been), that wafer and the dove that carries it still contains that symbolism of spirituality and healing for me more often than not.  Interestingly enough, my focus in the card today is not on the dove, though… but instead specifically on the host.

In this instance, the water in this card also speaks to me of spirituality.  It speaks to me of one’s intuition and inner sense of well-being. It is… that sense of one’s intuition and moral compass when everything is just exactly right and how it should be.

The message in today’s card is one of encouragement.  It is a reminder of the growth that I am going through emotionally at this time, and how that emotional growth will connect in with my intuition… creating growth and adjustments in that area as well.   This new level of emotional depth I’m learning to experience and understand will not hinder or lessen my intuitive voice.  Instead, the card indicates that it will do the opposite, allowing the waters of my intuition to flow more freely as the emotional growth brings about healing and more unity between emotion and intuition.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: What does my body want me to know at this time?

Sun and Moon Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m not taking very good care of my physical body right now (Three of Swords) and I need to get back on the horse (Prince of Swords) so that it can feel renewed physically, which will also help me in feeling renewed internally as well.

Take Away:  What is there more to say that isn’t said above?  When you feel good physically, you feel good emotionally and mentally too.   When you treat your body like crap, it starts to drag on your mental and emotional health.  My body is telling me that it feels neglected… and I need to get back on the ball.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Philosophical Question – Do I think that everyone’s life is of equal value?

Mythical Creatures TarotReading Summary: Yes (Ace of Cups), but there are always going to be consequences (Five of Wands) to ones actions (Four of Coins Rx).   Honestly, the consequences could easily be the Four of Coins and the actions the Five of Wands.  Either order, it’s pretty much saying the same thing in this instance.

Take Away:  The Ace of Cups indicates that the answer is ultimately yes.  Everyone’s life is of equal value, because it’s not about what you do or don’t do or what you contribute to the world or don’t.  It’s about love.  Everyone deserves love… with love comes equality among men.   So yes.    The two cards with it, though, speak of actions and consequences.  A life is a life, but if you squander what you have and lose that life as a consequence, it means that you didn’t value it.  Not that it isn’t of value… but that you’ve chosen to squander that value instead of cherishing it and preserving it.


: How can I overcome the fear that my new ‘normal’ will bring?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: Reevaluation (Four of Feathers) of responsibilities (Queen of Rocks). Torch the old plan (The Tower) and start anew in the ashes (The Fool).

Take Away:  The Fool has a strength all his own in the innocence and enthusiasm he represents. It is not seasoned and hard and jaded, but is bright and fresh, bursting with curiosity and eager enthusiasm. Use that.

This is another encouragement to make sure I’m not falling back into old habits as things start to return to some semblance of “normal” again.  It speaks of the need to reevaluate my habits and how I handle my responsibilities, and find a new way of structuring these things that will allow for more room, more enthusiasm, and more enjoyment.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I manage my fear of being alone?

The Fountain Tarot

Reading Summary: Remember that even when things are changing (Death), you still possess that core inner strength (Strength) that makes you who you are (The Hierophant)… which includes being an anchor for others that enjoy your company and look up to you (Hierophant under the Three of Cups).

Take Away:  The reminder in this cards about being who I am and that strength that I possess is a reminder that I will never be alone.  Although I do not draw people like bees to honey as some do, I have a charm all my own that pulls in those that can appreciate those things that make me unique in my own way.



Self Awareness and Vice

IMG_4480Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long, and focused upon choosing your words wisely.  Okay so it was a bit more than that.  It was about taking a beat to get in touch with your reactions, and using that moment to recognize if you are having an emotional reaction.  To recognize if there isn’t a better way to respond than by jumping to your first reaction and raising your voice or following blindly in a raise of your emotions.

Too often when we are confronted with conflict or with something that puts our back up for one reason or another, we react without thinking.  The meditation today was focused on finding a better path by using the mindfulness learned in the practice of meditating and finding a more calm and collected response.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The DevilToday’s draw is the Devil card, which is traditionally interpreted as a representation of temptations, obsessions, and addictions.  It often refers to themes that have to do with self-imposed restrictions or self-imposed situations where one’s vices become a problem. It can also occasionally refer to that inner “shadow self” that contains the parts of ourselves and traits that we prefer not to accept or bring out into the light.

[Traditional Symbology Side Note: In the lovers card in the traditional RWS tarot, these same figures stand before two trees.   The female figure stands before the Tree of Knowledge.  The male figure stands before the Tree of Life. Here in the devil card (both in this deck and also in the traditional RWS) you see the representation of these trees reflected by what sprouts from the tails of these figures.]

I added the side note above, because what stands out to me the strongest today in the imagery of this card is the tails of the two chained fuzzies below the white tiger devil.  In this imagery, both tails have “born fruit” that feels like the fruit of that is their vice… their obsession.  Their addiction that keeps them chained.  In the case of the figure on the left, it is about the pleasure of abundance and “forbidden fruit”.   In the figure on the right, it is about the spark of one’s passions and drive.   In both cases, although what has put them in their current predicament is different, the results are the same.

The second thing that stands out to me is that in both cases, their eyes are closed…. but the tiger’s eyes are open and feel as if they have a depth of understanding to them.  This, interestingly enough, speaks to me of a blend of empathy and strength.

The message here is to make sure you are aware of those things that make you tick, and those things that have the potential to become more than that and enslave you.  I have a tendency toward addiction, and the message for me is one of self awareness.  Being self aware allows me to enjoy the things I love without taking it too far.  And, allows me to know when it is getting to a point where “taking it to far” has stopped being a possibility and has become a reality.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: What does my inner child want me to know at this time?

Mystical Manga Tarot

Reading Summary: This new opportunity to do things differently that’s currently before me (Page of Coins) needs to be considered with a good deal of introspection and thought (Eight of Swords) as well as careful planning.   At the center of that planning and the working through of how to proceed?  Make sure you are factoring in the need for continued self care (Empress).

Take Away:  The reorganization that has happened as a result of the pandemic has created an opportunity for me to rearrange not just how I work, but how I see things and where my focuses should lie.   The cards here are an encouragement to make sure that I don’t forget about the dedication I’ve put into self care during this time, and carry it forward into the future by careful and well thought out planning.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #2
What does Miss Luna want from me that I am not providing enough of?

Animal Wisdom TarotReading Summary: More good stuff (first two cards). Less change and instability (Moth Rx). Note the flow of colors in the background which connects the first two cards, indicating that she connects the joy of my attentions (Hummingbird) with the joy of passionate action (Tiger).  This connection is reinforced by the similar color palates and abundance of light in the first two cards, which speaks of joy and happiness.  Whereas the absence of light in the last card speaks of displeasure.

Take Away:  The cards here are saying that Miss Luna wants more play time with me.  She wants to have fun and finds that fun and action a sort of positive reinforcement.

What she wants less of from me is instability and change.  There’s not a lot that I can do about that as I can only provide so much stability considering my unstable schedule.  I do work hard to give her a bit of predictability within her days tho.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I take on the mood of someone else?

Stella's Tarot

Reading Summary: When I recognize that in the great scheme of things, there is no difference between others and myself (Death Rx), which allows me to connect with them through empathy (Three of Swords) and commiseration (Three of Disks).

Take Away:  Although I am not an empath, I am very much able to feel empathy under the right circumstances.  Those circumstances essentially require me to relate to and commiserate in some way with the other person.  I am then able to “take on” their mood and emotions.  This is not so much the sharing of emotions that an empath would experience, but more of a reflection of those emotions like a mirror.


Discerning with Secrets

Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and was a self-guided meditation reaching out to touch upon that “accepting outside energy” again from the sun.  I’m still entirely sure about the practice, but it did seem a bit more comfortable today than last time.  Less… blinding.  Less brilliant and exhilarating and more comfortable and easy.  This might have been because today was overcast, where as the first time it was a sunny day.

Maruco Animal TarotToday’s draw is the High Priestess card, which is traditionally a representation of the subconscious, intuition and spiritual knowledge, as well as things that are known but remain unspoken.

So… what really stands out to me today in the imagery of this card is a little esoteric and off the beaten path…. but it’s the hooves.  Specifically, the “feet” hooves and their position that is in modern vernacular referred to as “the duchess slant”.

Now here’s the thing about the Duchess Slant.  It’s all about appearances.  This position involves keeping the knees and ankles tightly together and slanting the legs to the side. There is nothing comfortable about this sitting position.  The position is specifically used to convey a demure modesty and approachability while creating an aesthetically appealing lengthening appearance to the legs.

The message here is not about intuition but about secrets.  It’s about how you hold onto them… when you hold on to them… and when to let them go.

Secrets can create a lot of tension, especially in relationships with other people and within small groups of friends.  Like the Duchess Slant can cause one’s hips and back to ache over time?  So too can a badly chosen secret cause discomfort for the soul.

I’m not really sure where this applies in my life right now. It’s likely it’s something I needed to hear for whatever reason, for something upcoming.  Regardless, it’s a good advice and a healthy practice to only gather those secrets that won’t pollute your soul, energy, or social interactions with discomfort and tension.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: What do I need to focus on for self-care this new moon?

Herbal TarotInterpretation: The Ulmus fulva in the depiction of the Wheel of Fortune card for this deck (titled the Medicine Wheel) depicts the tree as the center of a circle of stones. This deck relates this card to Native American symbolism, which is not something I relate to.  But I do relate to circles of stones placed around a tree on the ground.  This imagery speaks to me of the wheel in a horizontal position parallel to the ground rather than upright depicting the traditional “ups and downs”.  

Instead, here we have a wheel  that spins round and round, creating a centrifugal force that is greater the further away from the center you go and a great deal of stability and security at the center where the Slippery Elm tree stands as the wheel’s axis.   This, in my need for stability, speaks to me of moving closer to the tree and away from the uncertainty of the wheel’s edges.  That is to say… move towards a place of spiritual nourishment and soothing strength.

This card speaks to me the strongest in this entire spread, and provides me with a different perspective on the Wheel of Fortune card that is also my card of the year.  Instead of seeing “deal with the ups and downs this year” I see a message of finding my center and what truly provides a sense of stability and comfort in my life.

That search for one’s center is followed through by the Eight of Swords.  There’s a double meaning in this card due to the Black Cohosh that is depicted here along with the classic tarot imagery.   This card speaks of being blind to the truth and stuck in a rut, but the Cimicifuga racemosa plant offers relief from the tension of this situation, giving guidance (again) that you need to search for that center… that true feeling of stability that makes things okay.     This card combined with the Wheel of Fortune card indicates that I am looking in the wrong place for that sense of stability I crave and that it’s time to reassess.

The Fool in position beneath the Knight of Wands provides guidance as to the direction to look to in order to find that which I seek.   The Fool’s enthusiasm which is paired with the symbolism of creative energy that is present in the representation of Ginseng in this card.   This speaks of a need to open up and allow myself to move forward with an open heart and defenses down so that I can follow that creative energy into the Knight of Wands.

The Knight of Wands is then where I will find that stability that I seek and have been seeking in the wrong place lately.   The Knight of Wands is all about pouring energy and passion into your actions as you bound forward into those things that bring you joy and satisfaction.  The Knight of Wands is all about vigor and passion.  He is paired with the plant Monkshood (aka Aconitum napellus) which is an extremely powerful (and extremely poisonous) metabolic stimulant. This pairing speaks of a need for a bit of caution.  There is encouragement here to leap… but make sure you look first.

Take Away: With the arrival of this new moon, my self care needs to take a to focusing upon where I believe I find my center and my stability, and examine if that is truly the best focus for me for those things.

What is it exactly that I assume makes me feel safe and secure and on solid footing in my life?

It’s time to examine this in depth and look towards those things that create a spark of passion and joy for a new center that will suit me better.



Finding Joy

IMG_4372Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I did a few minutes of deep breathing pranayama followed by a quiet, centered meditative state where I considered the question in this graphic that I came across in my feed on Instagram.

The question really struck a cord with me when I saw it, it really resonated and I feel like it needs more attention than just a passing thought.

There are a couple things that really came to mind for me when I thought over this question.   The first is… the sleep. Pre-pandemic, I was averaging about 3 hours of sleep at night, and then another 2-3 hours in the afternoon.   I have been sustaining this schedule (not without a bit of struggle) for…. ten… maybe fifteen years now.   The pandemic and loss of employment it caused opened up a number of hours to me that I would normally be working.  Hours that I filled (predominantly) with sleep.

It has been fucking glorious.  And, although I know when things get back to normal I will need to take those hours of sleep away and put them back to working?  I wish I could keep them. Just sayin’.

Second is the time I have been able to commit to my emotional growth and development.  This isn’t so much about extra time as it is about the ability to remain open for an extended periods without the need to protect myself or guard myself.   Because I am sensitive to energy, I (apparently, although I didn’t realize this until recently) usually run around in the world with a certain amount of energetic/mental/spiritual shielding in place.

During this time when I have been forced to let go of so much and remain away from most people more than usual, I’ve found that I’ve been able to ease those shields down a bit and this has had an interesting side effect of giving my emotions and inner self some “breathing room” much like someone taking off a body suit to run around nekkid instead gives the body/skin breathing room.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The ChariotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as… well essentially it is the epitome of the Wands suit of the tarot, all rolled up into one and then spread out like peanut butter on toast throughout all of the different aspects of life.  This theme is one of control, willpower, and drive.  It’s about taking those horses by the reigns and pointing them toward the triumph you desire, and plowing forward with determination.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the expression of pure joy on the squirrel’s face as he drives the chariot forward.

The message here in today’s card is about enjoying what you do and not allowing yourself to fall into a mindset of seeing those things you do as a chore and an obligation rather than as a joy.

I struggle with this sometimes, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed.  I start to see the things that I usually take such pleasure and passion in as pain in the ass chores.  I have the blessing of being able to do something I truly love with my life, and being able to express the massive does of creativity I’ve been blessed with in a myriad of ways.  Today’s card is a reminder to take that creativity and enjoy it as I go about the day to day activities of my life.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: What aspect of myself am I keeping hidden that needs attention?

Mucha Tarot

Reading Summary: This spread is referring to my COTD message above. It has to do with limiting my  perspective (Hanged Man Rx) concerning my work (Eight of Pentacles) and ending up disappointed with the process as a result (Three of Swords).

Take Away:  The aspect of myself that is being kept hidden is the fact that I’m not allowing myself enough joy in my creative process to keep that spark of joy and interest alive in my work.   I need to work on focusing on the enjoyment of the process of creation and how good I feel in sending out my creations into the world to bring pleasure to others.   I’ve lost track of that a bit lately.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: What secret do I need to let go of and set free?

The Fountain TarotReading Summary: This reading is also about that hidden discontent (Ten of Pentacles Rx) I’ve been feeling lately (mentioned in today’s COTD) concerning the menial and repetitive tasks of my work (Eight of Coins Rx).  The Empress speaks of a need to allow her kindness and nurturing to flow out from her (the green behind her and at her feet) and into these aspects where discontent has flourished (the green in the other two cards).

Take Away:  Instead of hiding how I’ve been feeling about my work concerning my home business, I need to let it out and treat it with kindness and understanding.  Consider how the items I create and send out into the world influences the lives of others, and allow that pleasure I give them to re-kindle my own joy in the process.


: What can I do to better cope with this time away from my ‘normal life’?

The Muse Tarot

Reading Summary:  It is a good time to work at bridging the gap (Muse of Materials) between the spark of ideas (Ace of Voices) and my intuition (The Priestess).

Take Away:  So often, the mind and intuition are at odds with each other.  Intuition whispers quietly, just barely able to be heard most of the time… while the mind shouts loudly and tries to run over everything with its voice.  

Spending time focusing on bridging that gap and allowing intuition to have its way (tip of the moon piercing the priestess’ palm… which bleeds light) will allow me to find a better balance and allow me to use my intuition and depths of inner knowledge to calm my brain down and keep it from overwhelming everything.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When I remain silent, what is blocking me from asking my partner for what I need?

Mythical Creatures Tarot by BabaStudios

Reading Summary:  The idea that if I let my freak flag fly (Hierophant Rx) that he will turn and walk away (Eight of Cups) and my bleeding heart will be my own doing (Justice).

Take Away:  This reading is referring to having hidden from you for so long just how much tarot and my spirituality was a part of my life.   It is about the fear I felt about losing you due to a lack of conventionality.   When I am silent, this is often the fear that holds me back.  That fear of you walking away and it being all my fault that it happened…. all my fault that my heart is bloody pulp on the floor.   Somehow, the fact that I am the one that destroys everything… just makes it all that much worse.