Musing On Best Decisions

So in a live on YouTube today, Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave asked a question at the end they really got me to thinking. The question was “What is the best decision that you’ve ever made?”


My first answer was Gideon.

Then, as other people answered, I had time to think about it and went through a whole roster of thoughts on what maybe my answer should’ve been. Things like my emancipation from my parents, or deciding to buy a home, or allowing my sister to come and live with me… All of these things were good decisions. But which one was the best?

Thinking about my emancipation from my parents, I realize that although I left their home at the age of 16, it really wasn’t that much longer to reach the legal age of 18. Yes it would’ve been a miserable two years add it onto an as so far miserable existence, but I would’ve made it through and come out the other side as long as I didn’t end up offing myself along the way (which was a definite possibility, as I did give it a couple of tries).

Purchasing a home has given me a homebase, and the stability that I feel that I need in my life. But, my life would still go on and be fine without that stability. I would just be renting instead of owning, and probably moving every few years. Yes, that stability and security is very important to me, but it is more about comfort level than true necessity.

Allowing my sister to move in with me was an excellent decision, and a no-brainer. She needed the support, and as her twin I really can’t say that life would be the same without her. I’ve spent my entire life with her other than a few years when I was out on my own and she was still living with my parents, and she provides me with her support and love every day. That said, if she was not living with me she would still be in my life.

So then we come to Gideon. Allowing Gideon into my life was a conscious choice that I had to actually make in order for us to move forward into a relationship. At the time, I felt that I was doing fine without him and even happily so, and I was in no real hurry to get in a relationship. The thing is though, by including him into my life and giving him the place that he has in my life, he has enriched my life beyond all imagination. It’s more than just love (as if love could be quantified with “just”).

Gideon provides support, perspective, and is the catalyst to many of the things that have made my life better over the years we’ve been together. These include the support that he has given me in healing some of of the wounds of my past, the encouragement he provides on a daily basis, his wisdom and understanding, and his unconditional trust and love. He has helped me to develop into the man that I am today in a way that so many other decisions I’ve made have helped along the way… but not in such a significant and pervasive way.

I firmly believe that the best decision of my life has been in welcoming Gideon into it, and allowing him to convince me to explore what we could be together.

Thinking about so many of the decisions I’ve made in life, I’ve made a number of really good ones. But, of them all, Gideon is by far my best ever.


I didn’t write this… but having read it on one of my discord servers just reinforces how fortunate I feel to have you in my life. I love you Gideon.

Love is…


When there’s a big scare on your routine oncology check-ups, but then you find out (after more bloodwork) that your T markers are perfectly normal and you take a deep breath of relief not because you’re (probably) okay…….. but because you know HE is going to take a deep breath when he hears the news.

Today was good news.  Not totally in the clear, but good news all the same.  If the PETscan comes back good, then there’s no surgery, just a close and watchful eye for the time being.

I love you, Gideon.

Gideon’s Challenge


Water Park

My heart warmed with pride today, because last year this little boy was terrified of the water and would barely get close enough to stick his toes into the wading pool.

Although my neighbor and her son moved away a while ago, I’ve stayed in touch and enjoy visiting and being considered a “part of the family”. Over the past year, I’ve had a lot of talks with him about the water.  About lakes and oceans, beaches and swimming pools.  In June, I convinced him to take a swim class, which he agreed to as long as I came with him.

And look at him.   A day at the water park and he had a blast.  It wasn’t a big water park, and it wasn’t a big slide.  But he did it on his own and was smiling  both as he landed in the water, and as he waded out of the pool.

I consider that a success.

Gideon’s Challenge

Cuddly Goodness


My little girl likes to snuggle.  Any time I lie down, she comes running to come curl up with me.  She might not stay long, but for at least a handful of minutes, she’ll cuddle up into me and knead while she purrs.  Usually, she seems to stay until I fall asleep, then wanders off.  Sometimes, she stays for hours.

It’s so nice.   I loved Meanie a lot, but she was never a cuddly cat.  She would lie ON me, but didn’t savor petting or want you to touch her in any way.   Luna, on the other hand, likes it if I pet her and often enjoys when I curl my arm around her when she cuddles in.

It soothes my heart and sometimes, when I ache, I take a few minutes to lie down just so that I can have those moments with her.