Hush tarot

The Pursuit of Happiness

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and another fidgety meditation session.  I think that I need another hike to get out some of this pent up energy.  I’ve reorganized my decks and I went through and tucked labels into all of my swaddled decks today as well. And yet, as much as I’m feeling the need to expend energy?  I do not seem at all inclined to spend it on work.  Go figure, right?

Hush Tarot - Knight of CupsToday’s draw is the Knight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This often portrays itself in a theme of going after what brings someone joy or following your imagination and creativity into new adventures.

What stands out to me most strongly in the imagery of this card today is the guy down at the lower left corner holding the spear.  How funny is it that there’s so much going on in this image, so much to draw the eye, and yet it’s that little head and shoulders and the spear that draws my gaze.

I think sometimes we all need a little prodding to get going on doing the things that are good for us, and going after your joy is definitely good as long as you aren’t… you know… going after heroin or something.  In general, happiness is important to our well being, and yet sometimes we hold back without any real reason behind why.  That spear looks like a really good prod to get things going, don’t you think?

The message in this card is to stop hesitating and just do the stuff that’ll make you happy instead of thinking about it and putting it off.   You’ll feel better and be much happier if you just do it already.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question: What’s my essence?

Tarot by Alexander Daniloff 2012 IV edition

Reading Summary: Someone that teaches others (Il Papa) how to find their direction (Three of Wands) during their darkest hours (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  This somehow makes sense to me in… okay so I relate to this because of something that Gideon said to me… has said to me.  Or maybe he was saying it to someone else and I just overheard it?   Anyway, he said that I have this tendency to tell people exactly what they need to hear, just exactly when they need it most.  Like when I told him guilt makes for a crappy relationship (can’t remember the exact words) and it was in that moment he needed to hear it to realize the truth of his situation with is ex.

I don’t usually realize I’ve done this, and yet I know it happens because Gideon has said he’s seen it happen. Others have said similar as well.   And so I understand and believe… and very much relate to what’s said in these cards.   I love that I have the ability to help people in this way, and I’m okay with not being aware of having done it in most cases. As long as I’m helping others to make their lives better, and thus the world a better place?  I’m good with being oblivious for the most part.

DECK USED:  TAROT BY ALEXANDER DANILOFF 2012 IV EDITION

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self care this full moon?

Dragon Age Inquisition TarotReading Summary: That is one hell of a Three of Staves.  Just sayin’.  This is a newer deck for me and the first time I’ve spent any quality time with it since I received it.  And.. wow on the Three of Staves… just sayin’.

Continue to move forward (Three of Staves), even if it’s done with caution (imagery on the Three of Staves overlapped on the Page of Cups), in the direction of my emotional growth and finding the balance for it in my life (Page of Cups).  Don’t allow my internal anxieties and worries to overshadow this process (Nine of Swords). I’m internally strong enough to keep these things from growing and festering into something that will become a hindrance (The High Priestess).

Take Away:  For self care during this full moon I need to make sure that my anxieties and worries are not standing in the way of getting that emotional growth to a place of pause a safety for the upcoming holiday rush.  This isn’t about backsliding, but it’s about preservation of progress.  Allow my inner strength to shine through and burn off the cloying touch of my anxieties so that I move forward instead of backsliding.

DECK USED:  DRAGON AGE INQUISITION TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question: Generate your birth chart at astro-charts.com and scroll down to houses to learn about your zodiac signs per house.

Houses

Information on the zodiac signs through each house means can be found here.

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What helps me stay positive?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary:  My “cup overflowing” with the love of others (Three of Cups) that is fostered through clear and strong communication (The Tower and the Queen of Swords).

The imagery here in The Tower of this deck is about enlightenment destroying the Tower of Babble.  This creates a dynamic in this specific card in this specific deck where the card has the ability to represent the salvation of good communication. 

In this way, communication doesn’t just bracket the Three of Cups in this reading, but are representative of pillars of strength standing strong on either side of the card of connection and emotion.

Take Away: Communication with those I love and trust helps me to stay positive.  It is the cornerstone of any good relationship, and being open and honest with these people fosters the bonds I have built with them.  I am, in fact, unable to always bring about my own positivity and optimism. I need their help to do this sometimes, and it is with their help and love surrounding me, as well as their wise council, that I’m able to take their support and advice without fear of betrayal.  This allows my trust to flourish so that I am able to share the  deepest and darkest parts of myself.  They are my shaft of light shining into the darkness.

DECK USED:  HAINDL TAROT

Crumbling Pedestals

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_3347Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon something that I’ve been extolling upon for a few days now, which is the need to try and focus your mind and attention upon the present moment instead of wallowing in the bag and negative or getting wrapped up in the “what if” train of thought that can create huge amounts of anxiety.

I know it’s hard, and I’ve seen it said many times now when people see others say “please stay focused on the positive” that that advice is discounting everyone’s suffering and struggling, especially that of those less fortunate.   But that is not the case, no matter how much people want to believe it.

There are dying cancer patients and homeless weathering life in a cardboard box in the middle of winter who wallow in their misery and hate everything and everyone.  There are individuals in the exact same situation that choose to keep their focus on what’s good in life and seek out a positive outlook.

This isn’t a poor person vs rich person thing, not a blind to reality thing.  Those people in those situations with a positive outlook are not blind to reality.  They know how horrible things are and how difficult their situation is.   But they make the choice to seek something positive rather than wallowing in the negative.

It’s a “healthy mentality” thing.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is The Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of leadership, authority, stability, and strength and how these qualities are used to influence a  community.

What really stands out to me in this card is the hands.  Specifically the fact that the hands are pierced through and pinned in place.   The structure pierced through the hands is delicate, and thus requires a “delicate touch” to keep standing for those that walk beneath the threshold.

In this image, the hands have become to move, and the structure is falling.  What I feel is that there is a message here about the precarious pedestals that we build, both for ourselves and for others to sit upon.  No one is perfect.  We can’t expect others to be perfect, and we can’t expect ourselves to be either.   It’s important to keep that in mind so that our expectations of both ourselves and others can remain realistic.

DECK USED:   HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What fear am I being invited to conquer during this fresh turn of the wheel?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: I fear becoming too cocky  (Nine of Cups) and ending up powerless (Seven of Swords) against destitution (Five of Pentacles) and unable to find the guidance or confidence (Hierophant) to pull myself out of the pit.

Take Away:  It’s always awkward when the cards call you out on shit you’re trying to hide from yourself.  Some of the lessons I’m learning this spring include those that will allow me to get a handle on my fear of “fucking up” and irreparably screwing myself over as a result.   This fear is the reason that, even when things are good, I work so damned hard and push myself so far beyond what is reasonable.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT RWS EDITION

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What have I forgotten that needs to come back into focus?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being “on the right track” requires help from others (Three of Coins over Judgement) and this pandemic is no reason to slack on being good to yourself (Tower over Empress). Reach out to others and re-establish good relationships that may have become stagnant (Ace of Coins).

Take Away:  These cards are about building and maintaining relationships, and how the worth of those relationships goes beyond just having a friend and into being a part of self-care and nurturing the self.

I have a hard time establishing friendships usually, and especially in maintaining them. I struggle with small talk and general chatting, finding socialization quite awkward more often than not, especially with those I get to know well or want to know better. It’s much like dating, I guess.  I excelled at meeting new people and flirting and the one night stand…. but i sucked at establishing solid, long lasting friendships and relationships.

The cards here indicate that friendships I’ve let slide to the wayside may need re-examining and re-connection.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT

Take Your Medicine

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_3317Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and focused upon living in the present moment.  The past is gone to the unsubstantiality of memory, and the future has yet to become…. so the point of the meditation’s focus was that the present moment is all that we really have that is solid and real and that we can hold onto.

It is a reminder to stay present and not get carried away by what was or what could be, but to enjoy what you have in the now.    Honestly?  This was a good reminder for me, and I think would be a good reminder for a lot of people during this time.

How many have felt over worked to the point they dreamed of having some time off?  How many have felt so overwhelmed by social obligations that they just want to spend some time at home chilling and alone?  And yet, here it is.  Here we all have that chance and so many feel they can’t handle it and fuss and fight under the restrictions of some self-isolation.    Maybe this is an opportunity to relax and recover and restore ourselves that we will regret not taking once life is returning to the hectic juggling of responsibilities we’ll all eventually have to return to.

Queen of Wands - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Queen of Wands (honestly? The wands in this deck remind me far more of spears than wands) which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions, drive, ambitions, and (in my case) creative spark. This often translates into themes that have to do with courage, ownership of one’s passions, confidence, and determination in the areas of the wand suit, including fostering the growth of those themes in others.

What stands out to me in this card today, though, is a variety of aspects including the submerged bird being held beneath the water by the woman that sits on it, and the little star being lowered into the bird’s mouth.  This speaks to me of that whole “I hurt you because I love you” mentality.  You know, like forcing a child to take their meds even if they fight and scream about it.

Today’s message is about doing my self care even when I’m not enthused about it.  I need to take care of myself as I would someone else that I love, and that means “taking my medicine” even when I don’t want to.  My efforts for self-care are a type of medicine and I need to make it happen even when I feel unmotivated towards doing those things.  Every time I am in the moment of doing them or have finished one of them, I’m always pleasantly surprised that I liked it more than I thought I would or that it was far easier than I thought it would be.  My mind blows up what needs done until it’s some huge task when really, they aren’t that huge at all… they’re just blown out of proportion.   So stop avoiding.  Stop procrastinating.  It’s time to start doing my self-care tasks whether I’m up for it or not.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What shadows are being illuminated at this time?

Tarot of the Golden Wheel

Intuitive Read:  Just how much I need myself some alone time.

Take Away:  So much time with others has made it clear just how much I need alone time now and then. Fortunately I am getting some in the morning when I’m going to the farm to work, and my work at the farm itself is also quite solitary most of the time.  It’s not the amount of alone time that I’m used to, but it definitely helps.   L and Z are also being very respectful of my need for time to do my yoga/physio and meditation and give me space for those moments as well.   That said?  All the social contact is a bit exhausting and I’m longing for that more extensive alone time I’m accustomed to.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE GOLDEN WHEEL

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
What voice do I need to bring forward within myself to combat my self abuse?

Whispering Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary:  The butterfly in the first two cards speaks about gentle change and the synchronicity of colors and grass in contrast to the first card speaks of a transition from the theme of the first card through the second card and into the third card.

Take Away:  It’s time to move away from feeling all tense and defensive and wildly protective of those things I’ve worked so hard for but cannot actually control the outcome of right now.   Lean into my inner strengths as well and use them to prepare for what’s to come rather than trying to hold onto control that has already slipped from my grasp.   This isn’t an abrupt change but more of a gentle transition that involves shifting how I see things and think about them. 

DECK USED:  WHISPERING SPIRITS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Can you trust not to look at the “little white book”?

Green Witch Tarot

Reading Summary: During times of stress and anxiety (Nine of Athames), this is when the temptation to look at books is most strong.  But,  I am more likely to depend on my foundational education (Queen of Athames) and trust in my own capabilities (The World Tree) over the temptation of looking in a book (The Sidhe).

Take Away:  I already knew the answer to this but decided to see what the cards had to say anyway.  The response from the cards is spot on.  I don’t really use the little white books anymore.  Sometimes I will read them  when a deck first comes into my collection just to see if there is a different perspective, neat stories, or artist’s input to consider.   But when it comes to actually interpreting what the cards have to say in a reading, my first go-to is intuitive interpretation off imagery, and my second is my foundational knowledge about the cards and their meanings.

That said?  I do have a hard time coming up with words now and then… and in those times an online thesaurus is usually my friend, because if I can find a word close in meaning to the word I want, a thesaurus can then get me there when my mind is drawing a blank or the word is on the “tip of my tongue” but refuses to fully surface from my brain.

DECK USED:  GREEN WITCH TAROT

 

Tomorrow Is Another Day

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was again, nonexistent.  And I am very aware that I’m not doing myself any favors by skipping it.   In fact, I can feel the deterioration happening.  I need to get back into doing it and will do a short body scan meditation before bed tonight then start fresh tomorrow morning.

Eight of Cups - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving on emotionally (often from disappointment) or using escapism to remove yourself from unpleasant situations.

What I see here is about my failures toward self care over the past week or so and my need to get back on track again. It’s time to let go of my self-bashing and release the disappointments in myself.  It’s time to step up and take care of myself and move away from the emotional self-abuse that has been very subtly sneaking in on me behind the concealment of inner walls.

Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to do better than today.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I harness my own enthusiasm to align with Aries’ fiery energy?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Interpretation: I may need a little help (Two of Cups) in reigning in my inner thoughts and struggles, wrestling them under control and sorting them into an actionable order (Queen of Swords).  The chaos and mess of all the disappointments and nasty surprises that have happened over the past week, the feeling of shit that is so very important to me falling apart, and the mental chaos of anxiety and stress going on (Three of Swords) because of all this?  It needs to be brought to heel with a gentle, strong hand.  It needs to be sorted and organized and I need to find that control (Back to the Queen of Swords). 

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve upon where I am spiritually in the week ahead?

Arcana Iris Sacra

Reading Summary: Be kind and nurturing (Queen of Chalices), concise and organized (Queen of Swords).  Own that you know the way forward, you can take these experiences and learn from them (The Hierophant).

Take Away:  The world is only as uncertain as you allow it to be. The cacophony of chaos that was mentioned in yesterday’s reading, and the feeling that the world is thrown into chaos and uncertainty… these are things I can get under control.  To do that, I need to stay on and disciplined in my self care, and require myself to do the re-organizational work necessary to create a new schedule and a new structure for myself.  The Hierophant reminds me that I have much to learn from this situation.  Don’t shut down and close off and miss these lessons, instead pay attention and use what you learn to move forward with the strength that knowledge provides.

DECK USED:  ARCANA IRIS SACRA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I enhance my intuition through my dreams?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: Don’t disregard your dreams as unimportant (High Priestess) because they are not all fun and games (The Sun).  Stop setting your dreams aside as unimportant (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  I actually wasn’t sure where this reading would go, because… as the cards so very clearly called me out on, I usually disregard my dreams as unimportant and without relevance.  The cards here indicate that the reason that my dreams do not enhance my intuition is because I choose to treat them in that way, and to change that attitude would create an opening for my dreams to step forward and enhance my intuitive process.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT RWS EDITION

 

Tarot Self-Portrait

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My Entry for the Your Tarot Self-Portrait Challenge.
Just sneaking under the cut-off with only two days left to enter!

001

I have to watch out for the Gloominous Doom
As he likes to visit with his pit of gloom
My nearest and dearest know what to do
I depend on them to steer me true
[Faeries Oracle – Gloominous Doom]
One of the biggest recurring challenges of my life has been my depression. I had my first Major Depressive Episode at the age of fourteen and have had a number of them since. When not in an episode I deal with long-term dysthymia. I depend on my loved ones, and especially Gideon, to help me in keeping track of my mood levels and helping me identify when I appear to be slipping into that pit of a depressive episode as well as help me in finding my way back out of it again.

A survivor, I am
I fight the good fight
There is no swerving from battles or strife
Determination
Is how I confront the struggles in life
[Stolen Child Tarot – Five of Wands]
I am strong and determined. I don’t allow others to push me around or allow them to sway me from what I know is right… and what I know is mine. This card’s imagery is about determination and empowerment to me, and it speaks to that strength within me that demands that I stand strong and demand the best from myself and that others “toe the line” where I am concerned or pay the consequences.

002

Grounded and sure footed
I am who I am
My moral compass and inner voice
Guide me true
Again and again
[Earth Power Oracle – Magnetic North Pole]
I live my life by the guidance given by my moral compass and my intuition. Both of these aspects work together and speak to me through an inner “voice” that is never wrong. I have spent my life learning to better trust myself and that voice, and in doing so have become more and more grounded, and more and more sure of who I am and comfortable within my own skin. I know my weaknesses and my strengths, and am happy to share the lessons I have learned to help others find their own direction as well.

Sometimes this means
Putting on a fierce face
and plowing through obstacles
no matter the pain or the pace
[Tarot of the Hidden Realm – Ten of Swords]
My history is filled with obstacles and accidents, painful moments and instances that could easily be considered moments of victimization. Instead of allowing these moments or the residual effects of those moments to drag me down, I face these experiences with a snarl of force and determination, knowing that each of these experiences are going to hurt… but if I face them head on I will make it to the other side, having survived and ready to move on.

003

I juggle a lot
and I’m busy as a bee
Responsibilities require balance
that I appear to manage with ease
[Hush Tarot – Two of Pentacles]
I started adulthood at 16 when I emancipated from my parents, and signed a mortgage at 19. I have spent the majority of my adult life juggling at least four part time jobs and a home business, as well as sustaining a healthy relationship with my twin sister, a long-distance high-demand relationship with my partner Gideon, and a close friendship with my best friend. There is also self care, of which there is an excessive amount because of the need for daily physical therapy and occasional recreation, my spiritual path and my tarot practice. Most people would never guess that I juggle so much, or carry so much responsibility. I shoulder it all. I balance it all. The key to balance in life? Is flexibility. Scales are not still and stagnant. They sway… and like those scales, in order to balance life’s responsibilities we too must sway and constantly adjust.

In truth, though,
Life’s not about balance or battles
Life is about adaptability
Perspectives
And learning from the trials
[Wayhome Tarot – The Hanged Man]
I see the struggle and strife and trials I have gone through, as well as those things I will go through in the future, as learning experiences. They have allowed me to see things differently, and changed my perspectives over time. Whether it is the chronic, constant pain or being the victim of a crime, there is a benefit and a lesson to each experience if I am open to seeking it out and taking that new, different perspective in. Every different perspective I find changes me in some small way, opening me up to something new and giving me more… more understanding… more empathy… and more knowledge with which to navigate the world and relate to those within it.

CHALLENGE HOSTED BY TAROTHOLICS ON DISCORD

 

What Have You Done?

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long, and due to having a rib out of place I had a really hard time staying still and settled for the meditation.

The meditation today focused on a full body scan that started at the top of the head and worked its way down to the toes and then back up again.  I ended up cutting off the meditation a few minutes early, though, so that I could spend some time on  my foam roller and work at trying to get that rib back into some semblance of alignment.

Judgement - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Judgement card of the major arcana, which is traditionally interpreted as to do with, well…. judgement.  Also with themes that have to do with absolution and rebirth.

Honestly? Whenever my mind wanders to the traditional interpretations of this card?  I get that line in that old Janet Jackson song filtering through my mind. “What have you done for me lately?”   I feel that the judgement card is about your soul and moral compass, and that it is them saying that line, yeah?   It’s about either “being on track” with what you value and feel is right… or having been lead astray and needing to re-evaluate and come back on track again.

What I see in this card has a bit to do with that, but also with the visit to the bank for today.   It’s about the clubs in the pillars on either side, indicating passion and drive.  And it’s about the flowers that have grown up over the arch while the supports beneath rot away.

The message for me in today’s card is a reminder to make sure that while I am taking care of the present and planning for the future, that I am also protecting that foundation that I care so deeply about.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What spark is ready for me to ignite with this new moon?

Animal Totem Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: It’s time to find a new way of feeling about things.

Take Away:  This feels like a continuation of the theme of most of yesterday’s readings, in that it speaks of looking at things in a new perspective and finding a new and better way to see things, especially concerning my emotions and my emotional investments.

Things can’t always be perfectly stable, no matter how much I want them to be.  Sometimes you have to let go and start anew, and that’s okay.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care this new moon?

Eight Coins Tattoo Tarot

Reading Summary:  These cards match along the same line as a lot of my readings have over the past few days.  They speak of finding the stability I seek by taking a new direction and entertaining new “outside of the box” perspectives and perceptions (Hanged Man).

Take Away:  Sometimes in my strive to develop stability and a solid foundation, I forget that life is about the journey and a big part of that journey is adaptability when confronted with change.   That is a big challenge right now, and I need to stop digging in my heels (and my roots) so stubbornly and allow the changes that need to take place to happen.   Allow them to happen, and focus on adaptation rather than fighting so hard to keep things the same.

DECK USED:  EIGHT COINS TATTOO TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I move through my intuitive blocks?

Tarocco delle Vetrate by Luigi Scapini

Reading Summary:  Taking time for introspection (The Hermit) in times when things feel up in the air (Wheel of Fortune) will allow me to avoid becoming defensive (Seven of Wands), which pulls up walls that muffle my intuition.

Take Away:  One of my largest and most difficult intuitive blocks is the muffling effect my inner walls cause when they are erected as a part of my defense mechanisms when I am feeling uncertain and vulnerable.   The cards indicate if I want to move through that block, it requires introspection and honest reflection, rather than my normal habit of boxing things up and ignoring them as I shove them behind those walls.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DELLE VETRATE BY LUIGI SCAPINI