I Was a Jerk

Today’s meditation was non-existent.  As anticipated, I pulled an all-nighter last night to get through my orders and get them out to be shipped today.  I then made the trip up north to check my mail and… god it was a long drive.  Even with J along to drive part of the way.

Getting home, even if I shaved a good hour off the trip by driving like a nutcase, all I could think about was sleep. So… yeah.  I slept.  A lot.  And there was no meditation.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card is the expression on the woman’s face in the picture, and the lotus that she cups in her hands. She’s seen it all, she’s been beaten down and yet still has the strength to keep going, and the compassion to hold space and gentleness for the delicate lotus.

There is empathy here, and that is something that I really lacked today.  I’m so sorry about being a dick and making you cry. I love you so fucking much and just because I was tired and riding a bit of an anxiety wave is no excuse for treating you badly or being a jerk. I love you.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What can I do to meet that need revealed in yesterday’s cards?

Monstarot

Reading Summary:  Own what you have done (King of Pentacles) with understanding (The Luminary) so that you can move forward (The World).

Take Away:  The need revealed in yesterday’s cards was about accepting the part that the past plays on our present and future instead of struggling against it.  Acceptance of this isn’t easy for me, but to meet that need head on I need to own my part in things and treat what has happened in the past with loving understanding and an open heart.  By not closing myself off to the influences of the past, I allow myself to move forward more smoothly into the future, and not end up stuck and stagnant.

DECK USED:  MONSTAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best advance on what was revealed in yesterday’s cards?

Big Things In Small Packages TarotReading Summary: Allow others to help you in getting things done (Three of Pentacles) so you don’t end up stuck in place (Four of Pentacles). Their help will create the motivation you need (Knight of Wands) while taking off some of the pressure you’re putting yourself under (hot tub imagery in the Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  Sometimes, even the smallest of things can feel like it’s just too much.  That overwhelm can create stagnancy as you hesitate to move forward under the pressure that is real regardless of being all in your mind.  By inviting others in to help, it takes some of that pressure off of you, and allows things to move forward more smoothly, creating momentum in the process.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Fire, when I am ready and willing to create, where do I begin?

Luminous Void Tarot

Reading Summary:  Make the choice (The Lovers) to go with what is familiar and what you are well versed in (King of Swords).  When you conquer these things (Five of Swords), it will give you confidence and success (Nine of Discs), as well as freedom to enjoy life rather than feeling under constant pressure (imagery in the Nine of Discs).

Take Away:  Although new ideas and projects are always shiny and tempting, sometimes when you start on a creative path, it’s the familiar things you do well that are more in need of your attention and more beneficial to your goals.  These familiar tasks are the path to success, even if you have to go to battle to get there.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What inspires me?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Collaboration in that I need someone to tell me when something is a bad idea (Three of Pentacles) so that my creative juices flow towards (Six of Cups) opening up to better methods (Nine of Wands Rx).

Take Away: I’m inspired by roadblocks.  I’m inspired by those that give me constructive feedback that allows me to search for answers and grow instead of shut me down.  Being open and not defensive with those that help provide me with this type of feedback stoke the creative fire within me that allows me to stretch my creativity and abilities.

DECK USED:  HILDA TAROT

Thundercats – Ho! *cracking up*

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and spent doing spinal alignment work with a bolster and a couple or rubber balls.  I was going to do a meditation separately afterward, but it turned out that I needed the focus and breathing exercises that the meditation provided just to keep muscles relaxed and pliant during the process. This really goes without saying that my back hurts like a bitch today, and my hips too since I spent my meditation doing spinal work instead of my regular piriformis stretching.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is Lion-O from Thundercats.  *Cracking up.*  Just kidding.  Although, this guy on the card definitely reminds me of that character.

Okay so… anyway.  Today’s draw is The Fool card, which is traditionally a representation of youthful exuberance, new beginnings, naivety and innocence.

What stood out to me the strongest when I first saw this card this morning (aside from the uncanny resemblance to Thundercat’s Lion-O) is the Great Glyph of the Sidhe is carved into the Fool’s chest.

As a child I used to use this glyph as the basis for my circle casting, and as my sister lit candles for the elements, I would spin and spin and spin through the center, trailing my toe along the ground to create the spiral moving ever outward and finishing off with the dividing line during the lighting of the candles for Diana and Faunus.

This symbol, like none other, reminds me of my childhood. Of magic circles and bonding rituals between myself and my sister. Of romps in the woods and hours spent among moss and lichen, cedars and ferns. The message in today’s card is to remember that youthful fun, remember the freedom and allow the joyful innocence of those times to rise up within me and swirl through my life within the here and now.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I feel like I’m struggling to see clearly.
Question: How can I begin building more trust in myself and my lived experience?

Magic Tarot

Reading Summary: Own what you’ve done and experienced in life (Queen of Wands), and don’t allow yourself to hide behind addictions (The Devil). Instead, take the brave steps forward in learning from your experiences (Knave of Swords).

Take Away:  One of my most destructive (and most prominent) bad habits is my urge to retreat into myself and away from others when I’m feeling vulnerable.  In doing this, I also close myself off to myself, boxing up those small and vulnerable parts so that they whither and starve.  This is not trusting in myself and my experience… it is picking myself apart into pieces and making those fragments “deal with it” on their own.

I am in the process of learning a new way, and I need to stay mindful during these vulnerable times to reach not for my past habits… but for my new and healthier methods instead.

DECK USED:  MAGIC TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Are you more of a dreamer or a believer?

Tarot of the Dream EnchantressReading Summary: I am a grounded (Knight of Pentacles) dreamer (Page of Wands) that is open to possibilities (Ace of Cups).

Although I am a very motivated and grounded person as shown in the fact that the central card in this reading is in the pentacles suit, the Page of Wands and Ace of Cups bracketing this grounded energy speak of the fact that I am prone to flights of fancy and allowing my creative flow to take the reigns.

Take Away:  Regardless of my need for stability, I am open to a vast array of possibilities that go beyond the known world.  For me, seeing is not believing… feeling is.  And I am willing to follow those feelings wherever they lead as long as they feel right and entertain my inner spark’s interest.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I fully embrace the abundance meant for me?

Anthro Tarot

Reading Summary: The world is at my fingertips (The World), all I need to do is pick a direction (Two of Wands) and allow my inner spark and drive for manifestation to carry me forward (Page of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It doesn’t tell me what that abundance is exactly, but the answer to embracing it is simply in accepting that it’s there for me.  In doing that, I give myself permission to go for it, and begin the journey of moving in the direction to claim it for my own.

DECK USED:  ANTHRO TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  What do I need to change?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Be more generous (Ten of Pentacles) with my capriciousness and frivolity (The Fool) instead of letting my self-perceived shortcomings keep me down (The Devil Rx).

Take Away:  This is yet another encouragement to have more fun.  Don’t allow my negative inner narrative and addictive impulses to keep me pinned down or tangled up.  Set myself free to be open with my sense of fun instead of keeping it to myself. It’s okay to look silly sometimes… it’s okay to have fun.   I seem to need this reminder a lot lately, and the cards are definitely following through on making sure I hear the message again and again.

DECK USED:  HILDA TAROT

Full Moon in Aquarius – August 2020

The Hilda Tarot - Full Moon In Aquarius 2020

Yesterday was the full moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us.  Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.

1. What possibilities are being offered to me right now?

Death Rx – A time of peace is being offered to me.  Change is so often a constant in life, and organic change is a theme that runs throughout a life like the circulation system of a body.  But there are moments of pause… of peace.  Of quiet.  These moments are not stagnancy, they are an opportunity to take a deep breath and rest before life moves on into the next change.

2. What area of my life is craving freedom and experimentation? (check
the suit for big clues)

Page of Pentacles – Get your ass outside and have more fun with it.  Yes, hiking in the woods is peaceful and amazing, but allow it to do more than just be refreshing.  Allow these experiences to brighten your day and lighten your heart. Find your excitement, and stoke that fire again so that your enthusiasm spills over into a joyous sense of discovery.

3. Where can I be more open minded?

The Fool – Being jaded is boring.  Don’t allow yourself to become boring.

4. What old habits/beliefs need to be released under this Full Moon?

Strength – Heroism is not always a sign of strength.  Sometimes? It’s a sign of weakness and stupidity. Don’t mistake risk-taking behavior for strength… strength comes from within in relation to doing what needs done and how you grow from those experiences. It has nothing to do with putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

5. Where do I need to go with the flow?

Four of Wands – Let your freak flag fly.  It’s okay to be silly now and then.  The entire theme of this reading (with the exception of the allowance of rest) supports this need to let down your hair, kick off your shoes, and just let yourself have a little more fun with life.   It’s okay.  The world isn’t going to fall apart if you have a little fun and smile freely a bit more often.

DECK USED: THE HILDA TAROT