Finding the Source

IMG_3617Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and focused on pain management.  This is a topic that I am extremely well versed in and honestly?  There wasn’t anything particularly new in the meditation that isn’t already a part of my own pain management practices.

The theme had to do with not just using the breath and meditation to work through pain, but to appreciate pain for what you can learn from it and how it makes you stronger.  Sometimes, in the middle of pain, just as in the middle of a crisis, it is difficult to see where there may be some sort of benefit from the experience.   Some people, I know, are unable to find that benefit even after it all has ended.

I personally believe that one of the major lessons to be learned in this incarnation of mine is to allow difficulties to strengthen me, and accept the hardships, struggles, and even the life-altering tragedies and moments of victimization as a part of my development into someone better… something better.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is the “Acknowledging Apprehension” card of the Healing Mantra Deck.

The purpose of this card and its mantra is to assist in teaching one how to step forward into a direction in times of apprehensive uncertainty.

In the book for this deck, it explains that as you identify and acknowledge apprehension in yourself, you can then “recognize that either it is your heart trying to warn you of an old choice or pattern you’re about to repeat, or it is a sense of unworthiness that makes you unsure about” moving forward.

The message here is that the more you are able to acknowledge that your apprehension is there, and the more often that you are able to discern which of the two above mentioned scenarios are applicable, the more adept you become in stepping past the clouds of uncertainty apprehension can create and into a sense of clarity that fosters decisive action.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: Root Cause of this time of transition and my reactions to it. (built off yesterday’s cards)

Chrysalis Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m hurting myself (Three of Scrolls) by focusing too hard on my more material goals (Ten of Stones) and the new emotions I’ve been experiencing (Ace of Mirrors) are spurring a gradual change (Death).

Take Away:  Home and financial stability is my biggest focus when it comes to goals, and that’s not really much of a surprise.  The cards here indicate that I have become so focused upon those goals for so long that I’ve become used to using them to avoid my inner well-being.  The new level of emotional awareness I’ve been growing into is reaching a point where changes are inevitable and, in fact, needed in order to continue in my growth.

DECK USED:  CHRYSALIS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is the most important lesson I need to learn this month?

Universal Celtic Tarot

Reading Summary:  It’s okay to be soft sometimes (Queen of Cups), even in times when strength of will (King of Wands) and clarity of thought (King of Swords) is needed.

Take Away:  There is a certain kind of strength in softness and emotions.  There’s strength in knowing yourself and being in a place where your emotions do more than create a whirlwind of confusion but actually foster a sense of stability all their own.  The important lesson I need to learn this month is that emotions do not have to detract from my other strengths… instead they can reinforce and bolster and nurture my strength of will and clarity of thought… If I can accept it.

DECK USED:  UNIVERSAL CELTIC TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What is something I am proud of in my life?

Maruco Animal Tarot

Reading Summary: My independence (Three of Cups Rx) and sense of purpose (The Emperor) that, through times of change (Death), allows me to ride through those changes in life and use them as an opportunity for growth (The World).

Take Away:  This is more like two things… or maybe two things rolled into one thing like a chocolate and creme Ho-Ho.  It’s about adaptability and persistence.  It’s about taking what comes and rolling with it.   That’s something that’s not always easy, and doesn’t even always go smoothly.  Yet in retrospect I continue to do it regardless of what tries to knock me off my feet along the way, or how many times I land on my ass and have to pick myself back up.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my body? How can I improve it?

IMG_3625Reading Summary:  Too much good times (Three of Cups).  Instead of unproductive good times with others, utilize their presence and work together with them (Three of Pentacles over The Hermit).

Take Away: I have not been working out, and there are things I could be doing… but have been lax about starting, let alone doing regularly.  If I want to rectify this issue, I need to stop being lax and reach out to L and Z to help me get motivated and assist me in getting to work.

The Tower Rx jumped out at the end of this reading  as I was putting cards away to tell me… “Don’t freak out, this isn’t the end of the world.”

DECK USED:  UNIVERSAL CELTIC TAROT

 

Clarity and Solid Footing

IMG_E3044Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I spent the meditation first taking time to focus upon my breath, and then expanded my focus to the expansion and contraction of my personal energy, allowing my energy to stretch outward further and further, then pulling it back in again in slow increments.   It is a bit like stretching, but for your energy instead of your body.

I then pulled my energy back in and spent a bit of extra time breathing through the tension in my hip as I worked on my piriformis stretches. I might have to step up my yoga/physiotherapy a bit, as I’m not getting as much physical activity as I’m used to and I feel like it’s starting to effect my mobility a bit.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is the “Cultivating Courage” card from the Healing Mantra Deck.

I really liked this part of the message from the book for this deck.  It says that when you cultivate your courage, it helps you in pinpointing what your best options are when moving along your path, and that “Such options may not always match up with the things you want, but they will always give you the exact experiences you need to further evolve your soul.”

I think that’s a really good way to look at things.  We can’t always have what we want, and sometimes the viable choices in front of you just plain suck. But with inner strength and courage, you can decisively make decisions even when those decisions aren’t ideal.  That courage helps you to not shirk away… and allows you to make decisions with a clear mind rather than making choices out of fear or emotional reactivity.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I use current opportunities to take back control of my body issues? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Considerate Cat Tarot

Reading Summary: Move away from the negative shit (Six of Swords) and take some time for inner reflection (The Hermit) so that I can then move forward into the future open to new adventures (Son of Wands).

Take Away:  I’ve gotten this exact same answer before from a very similar question. This is a continuation on the theme of taking this time of seclusion and lockdown to prepare and plan for a better time.  To get my ducks in a row, and get in touch with what I want and need for the future so that once the restrictions lift I am prepared to move forward with those things that are important to me that I want to grow into something bigger and better.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What do I need to focus on for self care during this full moon?

Isidore Tarot

Reading Summary:  Have a little fun (The Fool), but make sure I’m not procrastinating (Eight of Wands) on anything related to my resources (Ace of Coins)

Take Away:  I have a habit of taking things a bit too seriously more often than not, and that includes taking myself a bit too seriously.   The cards indicate I need to try and lighten up a bit, but not so much that I lose track of the very important responsibilities I have at the moment concerning our (at home) resources and foundational stability.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: When will I be good enough?

Bunny Tarot

Reading Summary:  You’re already there, you idiot.  (Well thank you very much, cute little bunnies. *LOL*)

I have all the tools (Magician) and a substantial amount of curiosity (Page of Cups) to go with those tools.  I’m not shy about going after what I want or feel (Knight of Cups) and have a secret treasure trove of stability to help keep things balanced (Four of Coins).

Take Away:  I was expecting the cards to tell me somewhere I need to work on improvement to get to that “good enough” status.  Instead it called me out for not appreciating what I already have.   I’m already good enough and need to pay more attention to the positive aspects of myself, rather than focusing on the negative and nitpicking it to death.

DECK USED:  BUNNY TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How do I contribute to the collective?

IMG_3594

Reading Summary:  I point out what isn’t sustainable (Seven of Coins) and help in creating a better plan(Three of Wands) to carry things forward using a more stable (page of Coins) and judicious perspective (King of Swords).

Take Away:  I contribute to others by helping people in finding a sustainable direction forward along their path, no matter what the topic or path might be.   This is truly a joy for me to be able to provide this perspective for others and help them in finding a way forward that works for them and feels right for them.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

Finding Calm and Balance

IMG_3517Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on how you find your center when in meditation, especially during trying times when meditation is hard to focus on in general.

A lot of meditation focuses upon the breath.  This is because the breath is very easy to focus on.   But sometimes, people have other things that are easier.  For me, although I keep my breath smooth and steady during meditation, what I really focus on the majority of the time is my solar plexus and the sensations going on in there.

This location is the seat of my intuition and my “soul” and so it is a very sensitive area that swirls with a variety of different sensations, emotions, and esoteric feelings.  It is the easiest place for me to focus.

In today’s meditation, you were encouraged to find that place that is easiest to focus upon, and remember to always come back to that place (whether it is the breath, or a part of the body… etc) when you begin to become distracted during your meditative practice… and outside of it when you are presented with chaos in day to day life.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is “Balancing the Brain” from the Healing Mantra Deck.  I’m not sure this is a good message for me, to be honest. At least not how it is phrased on the back of the card.

The concept of the card is good, though, which is to say that from reading the passage in the book, what the card is trying to express is that you do not have to sacrifice the self (or self care) in order to get things done that need to be done.

This message (as opposed to the first impression from the words on the card) is something that I relate to a lot more, as I often struggle with balancing the self (and self care) with my responsibilities and how much I pile on my plate.

The message here is in the imagery on the front side of the card.  The misty calming background and the three spheres.  It’s a reminder to seek out calm and balance in all things, and not let myself get so carried away with responsibilities that caring for myself starts to stray off to the wayside.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: Root Cause (built off yesterday’s cards)

Marshmallow Marseilles Tarot

Reading Summary:  My “go get’em” (Knight of Wands) has been stolen (Seven of Swords) by a need for other self care (Empress).

Take Away:  This is pretty much what I said yesterday.  I went through chemotherapy and three surgeries with my “adventure” with cancer.  That stole away my ability to do the work I needed to do with respects to keeping my weight up… and probably also stole away some of my enthusiasm in that department as well. 

DECK USED:  MARSHMALLOW MARSEILLES TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What illusions or false impressions are holding me back?

The Rabbit Tarot

Reading Summary:  The feeling that I’m going to end up losing everything important to me (two left cards) is creating a lack of direction (center card) that can be addressed by allowing myself to open up even more to new perspectives and take the time to really reflect on those perspectives as I receive them (two right cards).

Take Away:  I am always interested in new perspectives and I find it the most positive way for me to learn about people as a whole.  The cards indicate that what’s holding me back is that I’m still falling into a bit of a catastrophic mindset… and if I want to defeat that I need to open up more to the perspectives of others that lift me up and allow myself to internalize their messages more.

DECK USED:  RABBIT TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What builds my confidence?

Isidore Tarot

Reading Summary:  New passion projects (Ace of Wands) that allow me not just to delve into a project but include other’s input into them (Three of Cups) as well, so that it becomes less about me and more about balancing into things the contribution from many (Six of Coins).

Take Away:  As much as I love my passions and projects, what really makes them special is when I can get input from others along the way.  Doing something completely on my own without that input is a little too much seclusion in the process, and the end result ends up with me I feeling a bit hesitant about offering the finished project for public consumption.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I feel more grounded at this time?

IMG_3525

Reading Summary:  Nurture and validate your emotions and feelings of contentment (first two cards) and lean into the strength of your skills and abilities (center card) so that you can help yourself in lifting up your optimism instead of allowing it to be smothered by bad habits (last two cards).

Take Away:  The path to finding a better level of grounding at this time is to foster optimism with in myself.  This is not my strong suit by any means, and the cards have given me a path to finding that optimism by making sure I am being nurturing and validating to my emotions and focusing on the things that allow me to feel content and happy.  One of the ways to do that is to make sure I’m leaning into the skills and abilities that I have confidence in.

DECK USED:  RABBIT TAROT

 

Giving and Receiving

IMG_3425Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon how it isn’t the goal you’re going after that you need to train your attention on, but rather the present moment and the journey in getting to that goal.

This is something that I personally struggle with and have to work on.  It’s something that I need a reminder about often, because I am one of those people that gets so focused upon their goal that they will shut out the present moment in their drive to get there.  Including putting myself through hell to get where I want to be.

A little reminder now and then helps me remember to lift my head up from its focus upon the carrot and take a look around, enjoy the fresh air and the scenery, and allow more into my perception than that dangling carrot I’m striving for.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is from the Healing Mantra Deck again, and is the “Inspiring Others” card.

The message of this card is twofold.

First, there is the part that I strive for with my interactions with others.  That is that I strive to empower others and help them in finding their own individual voice and path.  This is something I greatly enjoy and hold very near and dear to my heart.  Whether that help I provide comes through a brief comment that creates the spark of inspiration in another, or a deep heart to heart talk that brings about a new perspective or idea, or simply stating an opinion that rings true and right for someone else… all of these ways of touching people’s lives and helping them find their own perfect path make me very happy.

The second part of the message of this card is something that I am not as good at and need to work at.   That is… asking for help.   Allowing others to contribute to my path and my needs using their unique gifts.  It isn’t that I devalue the gifts of others so much as I feel as if I should be strong enough and capable enough not to need help.   That, I know, is unrealistic.  Everyone needs help from time to time, myself as well.  I just need to try a little harder to set aside that unrealistic expectation of myself… and actually ask.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I use this opportunity towards positivity to take back control? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Cry Baby Tarot

Reading Summary:  Watch out for hints of a retreat in mood (The Sun) and foster myself with understanding and a nurturing energy (The Empress) rather than pushing myself relentlessly onward (King of Wands) to fight unwinnable battles (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  The cards over the past few days have indicated that what’s going on with me mentally at this time is an uplifting out of the quagmire of confusion and discomfort that I’ve been dealing with the last few months. These cards indicate if I want to continue this trend, I need to make sure I don’t allow myself to backslide… or allow myself to go the other direction and work myself ragged.  Instead, be kind to myself and realistically grounded with my goals.

DECK USED:  CRY BABY TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Do Spread #1

Chrysalis TarotWhat do they need less of from me?:  Ups and downs and unpredictable behavior. I get it, and that’s okay.  I know that I lean on this person a lot for my emotional and mental health, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this causes a bit of a rollercoaster effect that can be a struggle from time to time to deal with. Especially on days like today when I’ve felt especially mercurial.

What do they need more of from me?:  More me time.  More us time.  More time spent together, and more time focused upon us and our relationship and the things we enjoy doing together. More time doing the stuff together that isn’t as pleasant too.  Just… more us.

What in the relationship is being neglected?: The subdrop.  Or rather, their role in the subdrop. Their role in keeping me afloat and inspired when I’m feeling at my crappiest and worst.  This isn’t that they are neglecting this role, but rather I am neglecting to accept their guidance and strength and the passion that they feel in helping me through this time when I am at my most tender and vulnerable…. and mercurial.

DECK USED:  CHRYSALIS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How would I describe my confidence?

Bunny Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Look at all those swords.   My confidence is based in my intellect, my never-ending abundance of new ideas, and in my grounded ability to seek out what I need to keep things balanced and stable.

There is also an element here in the cards that speaks of the confidence I feel in my relationship with you.  In those times when my confidence isn’t at its best, it is that relationship and your guidance that bolsters me and carries me through.

DECK USED:  BUNNY TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How do I let go of what’s preventing my growth?

Chrysalis Tarot

Reading Summary:  By focusing on being kind to myself (The Empress) and setting aside distractions for a bit of “hibernation” away from the overload (Seven of Spirals Rx) in order to allow myself time to recover (Ten of Scrolls).

Take Away:  Kindness to myself and stepping away from overload are not really my strong suit… but, they are something that I know is needed and that I do try to work on. I do need constant reminders about it, which I get often both from you and from the cards.  Still.  I think I need to try a bit harder to let go of that constant, persistent need to do more… more… more. 

DECK USED:  CHRYSALIS TAROT

Opening Up

IMG_3398Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long, and focused upon a breathing activity that was very similar to a body scan.   That is to say that it actually was a body scan, but instead of just consciously checking in with each area of the body, the meditation involved using the breath to breathe in healing energy into each part of the body along the way, and then into the body as a whole once each part had been tended to individually.

I really enjoyed this, and the visualization of air swirling through the body part, one body part at a time, and pushing out discomfort and tension was very relaxing.  This is definitely a meditation that I will be practicing again, and perhaps take some more time at it without a guide along for the ride in the future.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is something a little different.   It’s from the Healing Mantra Deck, which is a meditation guidance deck.   Today’s card is the “Liberating Love” card, which is about opening your heart to both give and receive.

This card indicates that love is healing, and the guidebook provides a reminder that when opening your heart to receiving and forgiving feels tiresome and exhausting, it means that we do not feel safe enough to remain open, giving guidance on using your will to find the strength to open anyway, for it is in opening up to love where the healing lives… not in closing yourself off.

This is a good reminder to me today, as I’m on the cusp of a subdrop.  These drops make me feel extremely vulnerable, and it is my habit to close up when they come upon me.  But the truth is, it is only in staying open and allowing the love between us to help me through where real healing happens.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: Root Cause (built off yesterday’s cards)

Fantastical Creatures Tarot

Reading Summary:  I have consciously made some choices lately (Eight of Swords) to focus on the positive (The Star) which is helping me in finding a better path through reflection as well as the rest I need at this time (Four of Swords).

Take Away:   Essentially?  Make good decisions and get good rest, and the whole world has an opportunity to look different… and better.  The state of mind was a positive shift, and these choices to allow myself more rest and a time of reflection combined with making a conscious choice to look for the positive is helping in lifting me up out of the smog for a breath of fresh air.

DECK USED:  FANTASTICAL CREATURES TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is the most valuable thing I can do for others this month?

Mibramig Magical Tarot

Reading Summary:  Lift them up (Six of Wands) by helping them to look at things differently (Page of Swords) and make good choices for themselves (The Lovers).

Take Away:  Sometimes we all need to learn new ways to look at (and think about) the things that are weighing on our minds.  As the Ten of Swords grows into the Page, there is growth in finding new ways to move forward.  The cards indicate that the most valuable thing I can do for others this month is helping them feel better about themselves in their situation by encouraging that growth and helping them in finding the path forward that is right for them.

This is actually one of the ways that I very much enjoy interaction with others (as an introvert, I’m a little picky about social interaction) and it’s wonderful to hear from the cards that this endeavor is helpful and positive for others.

DECK USED: MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What do I know about myself for sure?

Cosmic Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m willing to walk away (Eight of Cups) from a sure thing (Nine of Cups) in order to go after something better (Queen of Wands).

Take Away:  I demonstrate this on a regular basis, but in one of the most obvious ways that this is true is in how I make my living.   I am three months from completing double science majors.  I could, with the grades I was pulling down and my natural affinity for those subjects, have taken any number of high paying jobs even without my degree.

I chose to go my own way instead.  I chose to enjoy my life, rather than spend it in an office or a laboratory or a classroom teaching others.  This isn’t because I couldn’t have done any of those things, or all of those things.  It’s because the learning burned bright within my passion and drive… but the actual careers? Left me cold. Instead, I chose to go after something that does kindle my spark of joy and passion and creation.  I started my own business and do my own thing.

Yes, my other part time jobs (or some of them anyway) were very much in the wheelhouse of my education and knowledge base… but they bring me joy because there is a lack of pressure, and an abundance of freedom to do my own thing and go my own way and help… on an individual level.  I enjoy that far more than some stuffy office or lab or classroom.

DECK USED:  COSMIC TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What opportunities are being presented to me this month?

IMG_3407

Reading Summary:  Overcoming my fear of the unknown (Two of Wands) and moving forward into a new beginning (The World) with self possession intact and a new understanding of my needs moving forward (Queen of Cups).

Take Away:  I feel like a lot of the uncertainty I’ve been feeling in the past few months is an emotional influence.  I’m so not used to my emotions being “out of the box” and able to influence… well, everything. The opportunity being presented to me this month is in starting on a journey that finally begins moving me away from that “holy crap fear” that comes with stepping out of the dark box I’d hid my emotions in and into the disorientation of the light… and moving past that blind moment of disorientation into somehwere more seated, comfortable, and assured.

DECK USED:  MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT