dixit quest

Being Nice and Trying Again… and Again

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startagainToday’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was self guided with a focus upon self forgiveness and letting go of the pressure and stress that I put upon myself to always do more and berate myself when I take a break.    I felt that it was a really good topic for today, being that today is self-care Saturday and all.

I think that it’s important for me to remember that not only is it okay to take rests, but it’s okay to have an “off” day now and then, and that tomorrow is a new day and I can “try again”.  The only person judging me is me, and I’m allowed to forgive myself when things just don’t go according to plan now and then.

Like so many lessons to do with self care and self forgiveness, knowing the concept and saying the words is so much easier than actually putting them into action.  I figure that maybe if I remind myself enough, it will begin to sink in at some point.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Five of WandsToday’s draw is the Five of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, and conflict concerning one’s passions, ambitions, and drive.

Speaking of beating up on yourself.  This card was actually the inspiration for the topic of today’s meditation.

For me, the biggest conflict I face on a day to day basis is inner conflict.  Specifically conflict concerning how much I’m getting done and how much I have to do… and berating myself for not getting more done considering how much I have to do.

This card’s appearance today was a reminder of that inner conflict, which is so very often centered around my passion projects, entrepreneurial spark, and drive to succeed at my business and my goals.

The message here isn’t in the conflict of the card… but in the imagery of those sweet little bunnies turned rabid.  It is a reminder to not allow myself to be such a vicious dick to myself.  It wouldn’t be okay to treat others that way, and so I shouldn’t be treating myself that way either.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: What amazing thing about myself do I often fail to recognize?

Fairy Tarot by Virtue and Valentine

Reading Summary:  My resourcefulness (The Magician) to find a better way (Six of Winter) and bring people together (Hierophant/Unity) and inspire them to do the same (The Fool).

Just sayin’?  But although I haven’t found the time to do it yet…. this deck is definitely soon to be on the chopping block for a trim.

Take Away:  You would think that I wouldn’t have such a hard time with change since I’m somewhat skilled at turning situations around to come out the better for it… and yet I am always a bit trepidatious when it comes to change.   That said… what the cards indicate here is that this ability is actually something that is amazing about me, and something that inspires others to explore change with a lighter heart and more hopeful outlook than they otherwise would.

DECK USED:  FAIRY TAROT BY VIRTUE AND VALENTINE

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I add more fun into my life?

Sun and Moon TarotReading Summary: Find the passion inside you to fight for it (Five of Wands) and not allow obstacles to hold you back (Six of Wands) because this is a gift to yourself that can help restore balance (Six of Pentacles).

Take Away:  If I really want to add more fun into my life, I will need to fight for it. This means fighting to find the time, fighting to see true value in that time, and fight against my own inner tendency to not allow myself that time.  The cards also indicate that it’s important that to assist myself in this fight, I need to keep in mind the benefits that the added fun can have in my life, and use those benefits and the balance it can create, to inspire and motivate me to make the effort.

DECK USED:  SUN AND MOON TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What does the month ahead hold for me?

Mermaid Tarot by Robertson

Reading Summary:  Carefree (Judgement Rx) and well balanced (Temperance) while enjoying new emotions (Ace of Cups).

There is also a connection between the Judgement card and the Ace of Cups card through the colors associated in both cards which speaks to me about allowance.  Allowing yourself to delve in and allowing yourself to explore without the fear of repercussions that may come.

There is also a flow of motion connection between all three cards where in each card the flow moves from left to right and strengthens in its progression from one card to the next.  This flow speaks to me of the Judgement card and the Temperance card both building up support for the Ace of Cups (emotional exploration).

Take Away:   There has been a lot of overwhelm and issues over the past few months since I first discovered that new level of emotional growth back at the end of last summer.  The cards here indicate that I am at a place this month and ready to delve into that new growth. Not with fear or discomfort, but with an openness and carefree acceptance that will allow me to stay balanced and keep the experience positive.

DECK USED:  MERMAID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  When do I feel most loved?

Dixit Deck v.2 QuestIntuitive Interpretation: While the world falls apart outside the sheltering structure (broken musical notes on the ground) the guy in the window remains securely inside and a knight protects him from the monster crawling out of the deep dark hole.

It’s not possible to hide behind what makes me feel safe forever, but it’s nice and very special when that option is there when I need it.

The anchor’s significance is twofold.  First it signifies the steadying rock of your presence in my life.  Second is its significance within our D/s, as you are the anchor in my drown.  Just as I liken subspace to peacefully floating in water, suspended beneath the surface… you are the anchor that holds me under and keeps me safe from floating away on random currents.

Take Away:  When do I feel most loved?  When I feel safe and secure, protected and cared for.  Sheltered and… most especially?  In the middle of my drown when you’re there holding me under and creating that experience for me that is something only you are able to create.

DECK USED:  DIXIT DECK V.2 QUEST

#7philosophicalreadings (non) VR to Benebell Wen

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Recently, Benebell Wen did a video on YouTube that involved a challenge of doing 7 card readings for 7 classical philosophical questions.  I really liked this idea, and so I decided to give it a go.   Most of these questions I already have definitive opinions concerning, but the purpose of this exercise is to set the intention that the cards will know how you would respond deep down on a soul deep level, and thus communicate this in the readings.

I decided to do single card pulls for each question, but as you will see, I ended up with a few jumpers along the way.

The Seven Philosophical Questions:

1. The Trolley Dilemma: (I have linked the title to an outline of what this is if you are not familiar.)  Do you divert the course of nature and kill one to save five, or let nature take its course and let the five die.

IMG_9364The bell indicates I would try to warn all of them involved.  Although this is not something I could do verbally, I would definitely give my all to get the warning out there.  In the end, though, a difficult choice would have to be made.

This is where the spikes on the inside of the bell come in.  Either way, one or many will die.  I would choose the one, and my insides would be torn apart by this choice, probably forever after, just as those spikes are sure to scratch and score the inside of the bell.

I am that son-of-a-bitch that would kill five for someone I care about, though.  Just sayin’.

2. What difficult truth(s) about the human condition are you ignoring?

IMG_9365Sometimes I forget just how vulnerable people can feel.  Like so many, I go through life distracted by my own thoughts and issues and forget that others are dragging their own anchors behind them.  Some people’s anchors are heavier than others, but everyone thinks their own anchor is the heaviest.

In other words?  Everyone has burdens, and those burdens are entirely subjective.  That subjectivity makes it difficult to acknowledge other’s burdens, and impossible to see them in the same light as the one carrying them does.

3. What does it mean to live a good life?

IMG_9366Defeating your demons and protecting the security of your home, friends, and family (or your village of towers) from those demons hidden in the dark.

This boils down to valuing your personal “village”, and working on your shadows and demons so that they do not  crawl out of the dark and destroy everything you hold dear.  We all have deep dark shadows where monsters lie in wait, emotional demons and the creeping shadows of our darker selves linger there.

Unchecked and unacknowledged, these dark entities within ourselves surface and wreak havoc.  To protect what you hold dear, it is important to deal with these demons rather than trying to bury them into a hole they will then try to climb back out of again and again.

4. Where does your self-worth come from?

IMG_9367This card came with a twofold answer for me.   From within… and from the earth.  This is very fitting.

a) From within… I have never really been able to explain where my conviction of self comes from.  My father tried throughout my entire childhood to break me down and build me up into something different.  And yet it never worked.  No matter how hard he tried, I knew who I was and what I wanted, I knew what felt right and where my values resided.  From within, while not really speaking of “why”, does speak of where quite eloquently.

b) From the earth… I have always had a very strong reaction to the earth.  An instant communion with soil and sand, with trees and the green.  It is the balm of my soul in the way water is the balm of my emotions.  Being in nature among the trees and the soil, especially here in the rainforests where things are dark and moist and filled with green, has always been extremely restorative to me.  It lifts me up and centers me into myself. My self worth greatly ties into this, as it is a part of how I identify with my inner self (and the world at large, for that matter) on a very base level.

5. What had existed before our universe was created?

IMG_9368Okay, so this one totally made me laugh, and I think that was the entire point.

No, I don’t think that the card is saying that before the universe was created, angels resided on high.  But, I believe that before our universe was created there was still something greater at work.  An energy of creation, evolution, and balance that in the end gave birth to what we have today, much in the same way that melody is created by the creation, evolution, and balance of notes blending on the air.

6. Are you ethically obligated to improve yourself?

IMG_9369

OOph… man.  The short answer?  Yes.  Look at those cards tho.  Wow.   They are so self explanatory, at least to me.

What I see here is the unpacking of one’s inner self (as life tends to do whether we want it to or not) develops into the discovery of one’s inner demons, and those demons being set loose out into the world.  And, when they are set loose, the world feels dark, and all those carefully erected pieces of your life that you value so much start to topple.

So yes. We are.  Because without self improvement, you are not just at risk of screwing over your own life, but the lives of everyone and everything around you (alllll those dominoes).

7. What is Divinity?

IMG_9370

Divinity is the unlikely vessel that lifts you up and carries you when you are feeling vulnerable and small.  It is the light in the darkness that we must choose to accept or turn away from, and yet even when you turn away from it, it still glows to light the way.  It is the duality of right and wrong, good and bad, man and beast, feminine and masculine, yin and yang… always together, always in motion, always side by side.

Deck Used:  Dixit Expansion Pack #2 Quest

 

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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SCS

Week four of accountability.  And… I think this is working out for me really well.  Even though I am tempted to take the picture and set aside my journal for later, because I know I need to make this post on the day after my Self Care Saturday, I have more discipline to get it done in my journal (and apparently, to catch up on other entries as well such as Thursday’s full moon entry).

As I mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

I did end up switching out the oracle, as I’d said last week I was planning to do.  I chose the Dixit cards Quest expansion pack for the oracle to go with the Numinous Tarot, and I feel it is a really good fit.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Body – Explorer of Vials – It is important to bring into focus the issue of eating your feelings and take an active role in making healthy choices both emotionally and physically in order to stay healthy.

Mind – Ace of Vials – This is about our new play and allowing it to inspire, as well as the closeness and bond created as we explore this new idea.

Emotions – The Visionary & Seven of Bells – Seek truth and lift the veil on blurry confusion by connecting more deeply within my spiritual practice.  Use what I know to seek out clarity and support my own truths.

Inner Spark – The Moon – This card plays back to that of the two above, with the addition of intuition. Everything is not as clear as it could be… everything is not as it seems.  Be certain to perceive from a place of knowledge blended with intuition to find the path through to clarity.

Moving Away From – Viewing things from an external perspective.  Instead seek inner knowing and inner truth.

Heading Towards – Hidden truths.  PAY ATTENTION!! That which is hidden walks right beside you.  Awareness breeds control.

Decks Used: Numinous Tarot, Dixit Quest Expansion Pack #2