decision making

Choices… and Perspective

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I may have stumbled upon one of the new perspectives that my Self Care Saturday spread from earlier this week was referring to while I was in the shower last evening.

Fish

Sometimes in my mind I gripe about the shit I don’t like… as I’m sure most people do.  You know… not the people per se, but like the soft water in this house that has a weird taste and makes it fucking impossible to rinse all the conditioner out of my hair.

And then my mind kind of wandered on to thinking about my shower at home, which has much harder water and you come out of it feeling much cleaner.  And in the middle of this thought, I had a memory of when my aunt and cousin came to visit MY home for a while and how she had complained about my water being too hard.

And that got me to thinking…

Would I rather have her (or them) visiting my home?

Or would I rather be a guest in her home?

Her home.  Hands down, 100% completely her home.  That’s the answer.  I don’t like them in my home.  I don’t like any of them in my home. I don’t like them touching my stuff, putting ass prints on my furniture in odd places, or mingling their scents into the familiar scent of my home. I don’t like their energy mucking up my space, their dirty dishes, or their constant disturbances, or the need to feed them or entertain them.  I hate it.  All of it. I really do.

If coming here now and again keeps them from coming to my house?  It’s worth the discomfort.   Absolute, completely worth every little shred of the discomfort of being here.

And that is an entirely new perspective on visiting family that I hadn’t thought of before. So there you go… there really is gold at the end of the rainbow, you just have to dig in the mud to find it.

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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SCS

Week two of accountability on my Self Care Saturday spread in order to foster the motivation to write it down instead of just reading the spread, taking a picture, and moving on.

As mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook.  This is a self care exercise, and not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Body – Temperance – I need to keep an eye on what I’m doing to my body this week and take care to practice balance and moderation with both my physical activity and what I’m using as fuel.  Don’t hurt myself by pushing too hard.

Mind – Two of Rods & Ace of Cups – There are some decisions that I need to make concerning what direction I want to take my creativity for the week.  The new project that I’m considering will bring me joy, but I need to be careful not to overload myself. (In other words, make a choice on what to focus on instead of putting all my fish on to fry at once.)

Emotions – Three of Pentacles – This is the 2nd time that this card has appeared in a reading for me in the past two days, and both times it has appeared in the position of the heart/emotions.  This is all about learning some new skills and flexing my creative “muscles” while putting in the work to manifest my idea into reality.  This ties directly into the new project idea mentioned above.

Inner Spark – King of Pentacles – Very clear here. Grab the reins, Be the Boss. Do It.

Moving Away From – Stripping Illusions & Grounding – It’s time to strip away my second guessing and self doubt.  Stop holding myself back and pushing down the ideas that have been brewing.

Heading Towards – Growth & Psychic Development – Although the question for this reading didn’t direct me towards the project that I was considering, it appears that’s the direction that it went in anyway.  It’s time to grow, move forward, and follow where my intuition is leading me.

Decks Used: Anna K Tarot, Shamanic Healing Oracle

 

Instinct vs Intuition

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was focused on working on the inner self.  It discussed how society is so focused upon the external progress, that we often forget about working on our inner selves where our emotions, instincts, and sense of self lives.

To me, this related to the importance of shadow work, and the necessity of knowing yourself.  Not just the parts of yourself you want to know or accept, or believe that others will accept… but knowing your whole self, including those dark and secret parts you don’t want to acknowledge or admit to.

Today’s draw is the Two of Swords, which is a representation of duality, division, and choices in the area of intellect, the mind, logic, communication, and instinct.   It is a card that deals with making choices, and trusting your perceptions and instincts (as opposed to intuition) to choose the path that is right for you.

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Instinct and intuition are often confused with each other, perhaps because they both speak from a very similar place (your gut).   Instinct indicates that your subconscious is gathering outside data and steering you in relation to that data and one’s genetic dispositions.  Intuition is more esoteric.  It is the “just knowing” that sparks regardless of external input, instead of because of it.

Or, at least, that was how it was explained to me.

Because most people feel both of these through their “gut” or solar plexus, they are easily confused and intermeshed together, and I am no different.   In truth, I don’t care which is which when I feel it in the moment.  I only care that I felt it and react accordingly.   Later on, though, I (we?) often sit back and pick apart these reactions (if not doing it in the moment already), and even then it can be difficult to discern which was in action at the time.

Oops sorry…. wandered off topic.

The Two of Swords… Instinct and decision making.   A choice.

This card represents when there is a choice present that needs to be made, but the scales are level as to which seems the right one to go with.

The Two of Sword’s appearance in today’s draw is a reminder that when such difficult choices arise, it is important to take in all of the pros and cons of each situation, but JUST as important to listen to your instincts.  Bringing in as much information as possible will assist your inner voice of instinct in having all of the information it needs to steer  you in the right direction.

The key?   Don’t discount that voice when it speaks or disregard what it has to say… no matter how much you may want to at the time.

 

First, Take Everything In… Then Act

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty eight seconds, and focused on creative play and how important that not just creativity is in life, but also creative play.  

In my case, these are two distinctly different things, maybe because my business is based off creativity, so I have work creativity… and then I have just for fun creativity.

For me, creativity is a part of life that is indispensable.  I need it.  I live it.  I breathe it.  It is in damned near everything that I do, and if I’m not actively participating in it, you can almost guarantee that it’s on my mind in one form or another.

Today’s draw is the King of Swords, which is a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of thoughts, logic, action, and communication.

This card is all about personal truths, owning your authority, and gathering perspectives before taking decisive action.   I’ve had a lot of “act now think after” moments lately (er… especially in the grocery store) and this card is a reminder.  It’s a reminder that this is not my true nature, and it is continuing the message from yesterday.

In other words, the message that is being conveyed is that I need to slow down.   I need to gather information, weigh everything and ensure I have enough perspective.  THEN make a decision or act.

Choosing Paths

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Today’s meditation was 15 minutes and 48 seconds, and focused on letting go of things that you cannot change.

You know, like my depression? Or rather, my feelings of guilt over having left you behind and on your own during my depression, and my frustration with having lost time (and the memories of during that time) for over a month.

There’s really no point in holding onto these issues when there’s nothing that I can do about them. Holding onto them just holds me back and brings me down. I think I need to work on letting that frustration and guilt go.

Today’s card is the zero card in the Major Arcana… the Fool.

The Fool represents that place in new beginnings where many paths are laid out before you and you have yet to take your first step. This is a card of new beginnings that are filled with the bounty of possibilities and potential.

Sometimes in new beginnings it’s a good idea to think things out and make the logical choices, but the Fool card is an encouragement to follow one’s heart instead.

For me, following my heart always involves creativity on some level. This type of decision making is not really in my wheelhouse most of the time, because I have a tendency to lean towards logic and thought rather than the heart. (Not to be confused with following your instincts, which I excel at most of the time.) I always seem to view decisions based in the heart as the less responsible choices.

That said, whenever I make decisions with my heart, it seems to always have something to do with my creative endeavors. Whether that’s a new design that I’m working on, or a new idea I want to try out, or even in the directions that we go in within our role play.

So my focus for today, prompted by this card, will be to try and follow my heart more in my decision making, rather than immediately reaching for whatever logical options my head presents.