daily draw

Wealth Comes From Gratitude

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Today’s meditation was again… skipped.  I know it’s not a good idea to skip my meditations. I also know that even if I feel like they’re not doing me any good?  They are.  The fact that when I meditate daily my resting heart rate drops nearly ten beats per minute is proof that they do in fact make a difference. But I skipped… just sayin’.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is traditionally about sharing your success and satiation with those around you.  This isn’t charity, but rather the next step after wallowing in your success, where you reach out to those you love and invite them into that good feeling of security and completion.

What I see in the message for this card today has to do with gratitude for what you have.   Not everyone is wealthy in monetary ways, but everyone is wealthy in some sort of way.  Sometimes it is good health, or they have a wealth of luck, a wealth of love, a wealth of friends… all of these are ways to be wealthy and there are so many more.

The thing about wealth is that if you do not see it as wealth and feel gratitude for it… then it’s not wealth.  It’s just another “thing” in your life.  The message in today’s card is to acknowledge those things that make you wealthy.  Acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

In my own life I am wealthy in many ways.  Although I am not monetarily wealthy, I’m no longer destitute as I was a decade ago.  I have a home that I own, a mortgage that is over half paid off, a twin sister who loves me fiercely, family and friends that I cherish and who love me, a partner who’s love borders on obsession in the best possible ways, and the freedom and independence to pursue the things that I enjoy and that interest me.  These are only some of the many things I have to be grateful for each and every day.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I asked to relax a little more or take a break?

Insight Tarot

Reading Summary:   Ease off on the “balls up and keep moving” (Strength) even when you feel like everything has turned to shit (Nine of Swords).  Your plans will wait until you’re in a better place (Three of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s okay to take the time I need to recover.  No one is pushing me forward but my own unrealistic expectations that I move forward at the same pace now in the middle of an MDE as I would when not in the middle of an episode.   Plans will wait, everything will be fine.  Just take a breath and slow down.

DECK USED:  INSIGHT TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Pull your most and least favorite cards from your deck and explain why you feel that way.

Zolar's New Astrological TarotMost Favorite – The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds me that each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

The card says to me that it’s okay to have a life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity. These things are lessons in life that teach me how to become better. Better at the things I want to do… Better at the way I find my joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

The Hanged Man is a reminder that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable. Instead, they are there to create perspective, wisdom, and strength, as well as to foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

Learning lessons and learning different perspectives is not always pleasant. It’s painful and uncomfortable and extremely awkward. To me the Hanged Man is a representation of how these struggles hold immeasurable worth, if I’m willing to look beyond the discomfort to see what’s waiting there for me to learn.

Least Favorite – The Wheel of Fortune

So… my reason for loving the Hanged Man was long and I really waxed poetic.  But, my answer for the Wheel of Fortune is much shorter and more succinct.   I dislike the Wheel of Fortune because it represents to me the unpredictability of life.  Ups and downs, fast times and slow… it’s never stable, never still, always moving and changing, always one shift away from the next imbalance, the next turn, the next change.

Even for those that see the Wheel of Fortune as a luck card, the fact is that it is a luck card that represents both good luck… and bad.  There’s no dependability and no stability there.  And that just sucks IMO.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today I allowed myself not to work.  I did do a couple of client readings that were due to be sent out, but other than that, I stayed away from work entirely.  And I’m not beating myself up over it.  Instead I played with Gid and trimmed the borders down on the Magical Tarot by Arisa Chibara for L.

There’s More Waiting

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  No excuses, I just didn’t end up doing it.  I was entirely and utterly unmotivated to the point of actual avoidance. 

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The SunToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of joy, success, fun, and play. 

I love the representation of the May Pole on the sun card, as the May Pole is a celebration of the sun’s reign in the sky and the first stirring of energy that rises up within the first breath of summer.

The card and it’s imagery is a message to remember how much I’m missing while I’m wrapped up in the darkness of my depression, and how much is waiting for me to enjoy and celebrate once I manage to pull myself out and back to even ground.

Although I can’t just “pull myself up by my bootstraps” and force the depression away, remembering that there’s fun and play and joy out there to return to helps in keeping the depression in perspective.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Ask the cards to tell you about something funny that will make you smile.

Tarot de Marseille Anima AntiquaOkay so, a few years ago my friend J and I were hanging out and the guy said the most rediculous thing.  In the middle of talking, I sneezed.   I have horrible allergies, and I have a habit of holding in my sneeze a bit when they happen because otherwise I often end up with a sore throat or snot everywhere.  Neither of those experiences are worth letting the sneezes loose, so I suppress them just a bit.

When J saw this, he turned to me with fully earnest expression and told me that I shouldn’t hold in my sneezes. That it’s important to let them out so the pressure doesn’t build up in your head during the sneeze and result in your eyeballs popping out.  And that that’s why when people sneeze they close their eyes, but it’s not enough and you have to let your sneezes out too.

It was so hilarious that I laughed for a good five minutes, and for months later every time I thought about it I’d start cracking up again.  Thinking of it now still makes me chortle a bit. The look on his face was just so earnest and guileless.  He really believed it and was so worried for me… and all I could do was laugh.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLE ANIMA ANTIQUA
 

Daily Self Kindness

Today I managed to actually do a bit of play with Gideon even though I had to do orders.  It was really nice and something I haven’t been able to do in a really long time (work on an orders day).  It wasn’t a long play, but I really enjoyed it a lot.

Personal Reflection

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IMG_8910Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for the piriformis stretches.  As a side note, I’ve done a number of different types of meditations through the Calm app, but somehow keep going back to the ones narrated by Tamara Levitt.  I like her voice, which is unusual since I usually find voices somewhat distracting.

The topic of today’s meditation was about resisting change, and it really had a good point.  Everyone says that they struggle with change, and yet when the change is something good like getting a raise at work or moving into a nicer neighborhood and a bigger, safer home?  There’s no growing pains at all involved, and no resistance.  It’s only when the change is uncertain or bad that we fight… and in fighting cause the ride to become that much more bumpy as a result.  It makes me wonder what would happen if we didn’t resist the negative changes quite so fiercely or fear them quite so much…. just how much smoother would things be as a result? Would we recover quicker?  Adjust more easily?

Heaven & Earth Tarot - JudgementToday’s draw is the Judgement card, which is traditionally an interpretation of how you feel about how your life is going and what you’ve done along the way.  It’s about ascertaining the worth of your life, your moral compass, and your integrity.  Where the Justice card might ask “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card asks “what have you done with your life?”

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the open arms that reach not up, but outward as if to embrace the Archangel Gabriel above and the judgement taking place.

This, to me, speaks of needing to be willing to open up and look at yourself openly and honestly.  It means taking off the rose colored glasses and self-delusions and really look at what is going on with you, what you’ve done with your life, and where you can improve upon yourself moving forward from this point. 

This can be a hard process, and one that a lot of people can’t deal with… but what I see here is a call for honesty.   Honesty with the self.  Honesty to confront those things that we are uncomfortable with or ashamed of in ourselves, embrace those things, and begin the work towards something better.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How/where can my journey benefit from a loving approach?

Ink Witch Tarot

Reading Summary:  In finding a better balance (Two of Pentacles) between the running of my business (King of Wand) and my home life responsibilities (The Emperor)

Take Away:  Ahhhh, yeah.   I’m a motherfucking slave driver when it comes to both of these aspects of my life and I have very little understanding or tolerance for slacking, falling behind, or not keeping things on target and on track in both.  This cutthroat attitude is not always healthy, and a bit more of a loving approach could definitely help in this area.  It might be a good idea to draw some cards at some point on just how to go about instilling a more loving approach to these topics at some point, but I definitely acknowledge that doing so would benefit me and my journey forward.

DECK USED:  INK WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 2

Mystic Masters TarotWhat we see here between the cards in this reading is the carry over of pink through the three cards in the spread.  In this case, the Temperance card speaks the loudest here due to it’s greater saturation of pink, and then spreads it’s influence to the other cards in the spread to highlight the aspects that carry the most weight in each of the other two cards.

Where am I in my journey of depression right now?

The Magician – It’s about the table… not the tools. Before you can start the climb out of the pit, you have to sit down and take stock of where you’re at.

How can I be proactive at climbing out of this depression at this time?

Temperance – Patience.  This isn’t something you can push or force, but rather something you have to have patience about and let run its course.

Page of Cups – It’s important to make sure that you are vocalizing your emotions and getting them out there. This is still a learning process for you and it can make the speaking about your feelings a struggle sometimes.  Just keep trying.

DECK USED:  MYSTIC MASTERS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took the time to clean my keyboard and work table today.  It’s been a bit groady for a while now, but in order to get it really clean it needed to have a hot wet cloth lying on top of it for a bit and then a scrub brush scrubbing… and honestly?  I’ve been putting it off for some time.   I also have been doing a bit of smart-boy work throughout the day while in play with Gideon so that I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and pushed on orders day tomorrow.

Reaching For The Light

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IMG_8900Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an added interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   Again, I was tempted to skip my meditation today, but I managed to push myself to do it anyway.

The topic of today’s meditation was about distancing yourself from your thoughts during your meditation practice so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of their sticky grip.  Instead, the guide offers the technique of labeling your thoughts when they arrive.  Essentially catching yourself and saying “thinking” and then allowing the thoughts to drift off.  Doing this each time so that you do not become emotionally or otherwise invested in the thoughts, but instead see them just as thoughts and then set them aside.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Nine of CupsToday’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of wallowing in one’s “feel good” feelings.  It’s about contentment and taking pleasure in one’s good fortune, as well as feeling emotionally satiated.  It can also be an indication of gluttony.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery is that there is more than one person in the card and the figure on the stump appears to be sharing her wealth of goodness with those below.  Normally, this is a theme that I would expect to see in the Ten of Cups, as I usually consider the Nines of each suit lean more into solitary themes.

In absolute honesty, though, this looks a lot more like the Six of Pentacles to me.  But that’s just me.  It’s just that the imagery seems to lean so very heavily into sharing and generosity.  What is being shared here, though, is not money or resources.  It’s happiness, pleasure, positivity, and the sweetness of hope.  Those below reach for it, seek it out… and that is where the message lies in today’s card.  It’s not really about the figure on the stump… it’s about the people below.

Today’s message is about reaching for the positivity.  Don’t wallow in the dark.  Don’t sit on the sidelines and allow the negativity to have its way with you.  Instead… reach for the light.  Reach for the good, the positive and the hopeful.  It may seem out of reach, but it’s closer than you think.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: In what area am I asked to nurture myself right now?

Zolar's New Astrological Tarot

 Reading Summary: The anxiety and depression that you’re feeling (Nine of Swords) requires some nurturing (The Empress) and  that you seek out the positive as much as you can (Mercury) instead of focusing on the negative and letting it drag you down (Justice Rx).

Take Away: I’m currently struggling with what is starting to become clear is a clinical depressive episode at the moment. The cards here indicate that this is exactly the area where I need nurturing at the moment, and I need to make sure I’m leaning into self-care and self-kindness, as well as focusing on the positive and the light as much as possible in order to help in combating the darkness of the depression’s influences.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a very positive thing in your life you are overlooking?

Mundane Magick TarotReading Summary:  You’ve done this before, again and again (Seven of Coins Rx atop The World).  You have all the skills, all the knowledge, all the tools that you need (The Magician) to make it through your depression and come out the other side (Death).

Take Away:  *Takes a breath.*   Yeah.  That’s true.  This is not the first time, and I can do this.  It’s not permanent, nor is it even especially long lasting.  It just needs to be worked through so that I can get to the other side of it and then move on from it.

Once the depression is over, perspectives will shift, experiences will shift…. life will shift.  And a whole different and lighter reality will take the place of where darkness currently exists.

DECK USED:  MUNDANE MAGICK TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I made a new character to play with Gideon instead of trying to burrow into myself and take a (not really needed) nap.  It’s something new so I don’t feel the pressure of trying to fit into the skin of an established character during a time when am barely fitting into my own skin.

That “Thank God It’s Over” Feeling

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IMG_8889Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes, and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

Today’s meditation was about not allowing your emotions to “talk you into” skipping practice.  And… I almost skipped practice.  So this is fitting, yeah?  It did give me food for thought, though, as I had never really considred the times when I feel the need to avoid a self-care practice as emotionally driven.  I think that it is, though, on reflection of the idea.  I’m very much sure that it is, actually.   So I learned something new about myself today… even when I bury the fuck out of my emotions?  They still find ways to screw with me in unexpected ways. Not that I’m burying them right now, but I’ve been struggling with this avoidance/skipping issue for most of my life.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of themes to do with homecoming and celebration.

This is another of the cards in this deck that the words at the bottom of the card are non-traditional to the card and give me a moment’s pause, throwing me off a bit. 

This is actually the first card in this deck that doesn’t really “do it” for me.  Not only do the words at the bottom feel contrary to the traditional meaning of the card, but so too does the image.  The symbolic elements are there, but it just seems too dark.  There’s no celebration here, no welcoming warmth.  The courtyard is dreary, the wands and wreath are shadowed… the door is closed.

The thing is?  Sometimes homecomings (and perfect work, for that matter) go uncelebrated.  There’s no happy welcome, and no big to do.  Just relief.  Relief at a job finished.  Relief at finally waking through the door and setting down your keys.   Sometimes it’s not about the fanfare, it’s about leaning back against the door once you’re inside and going “thank god that’s over”.  That in itself is a sort of celebration.  Sometimes… it’s the absolute best kind of celebration.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the current status of my {self-love} cup? {draw a cups card)

Garnet Witch Tarot - Five of CupsI freakin’ knew this card was going to come up.   It took three tries before a Cup card finally fell out of the deck, which really isn’t that bad all things considered.  I could have had to try twenty or thirty cards before getting a Cup.    That said?  Of course it was the Five of Cups. 

Why?   Because I’m dealing with depression right now and with depression comes great deal of disinterest in damned near anything and everything… including self care and self love.  Maybe especially self care and self love. My cups are spilled all over the floor, my emotions a mess and all I want to do is ignore them and hide from then and be miserable and dissatisfied.  Why?  Because that’s what the chemicals in my brain are demanding.   I’m just trying to do my best not to give in.

DECK USED:  GARNET WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?

Transire TarotWhat luck is coming my way?

The Sun – The opportunity to climb my ass out of this depression pit that I’ve fallen into, breathe fresh air, and feel the sun on my face again.

How can I foster it into fruition?

Five of Cups atop Eight of Pentacles – Don’t neglect your work or worry too much about your progress in this area.  It can take care of itself for a while if you just do what’s needed and let the rest go.  There’s no need to push.  You are more than capable and experienced enough to keep things running smoothly while you deal with the lackluster feelings of the depression and the work involved in climbing yourself out of the darkness.

DECK USED:  TRANSIRE TAROT
 

Daily Self Kindness

Today’s self kindness was in the form of allowing myself to spend the majority of my day lying down nursing a migraine. Instead of my natural inclination to try and plow through it and ignore it, I settled in a nice dark room with some migraine meds, and spent most of the day there trying to get it to ease up.

Self Care Is Important

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IMG_8874Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   I can’t really remember what the guided meditation was about, even with the graphic prompt to the right.  It was about mindfulness obviously, and using it to break habits or be mindful of the things you do.  But honestly?  I just don’t remember.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Queen of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, the material world, resources, or health.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card is that the crone is tangled in thorns.  She’s clearly up to some sort of spellcraft, as she’s holding a chicken foot, but it’s the thorns that really catch my attention here today.

Those thorns bring me to thinking about a common pitfall that a lot of caretakers fall into over time, where they begin to focus so much on others and what others need that they begin to put off caring for themselves.  The excuse being that everyone else needs them, so they just don’t have the time or energy for their own needs.

It’s a flawed thinking, and dangerous as well.  How can you take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.  Without self care, there’s nothing left to give to others.   This is something I myself need to hear now and then, especially concerning my business and responsibilities. That reminder is what today’s card is about.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a negative thing in your life that you don’t need to stress over?

Neon TarotReading Summary: The worry that fighting for what feels right , what you stand for, and what you believe in (Seven of Wands) is going to tear down everything around you (The Tower Rx) and leave you lost and alone (The Moon).

Take Away: This isn’t something that I worry about all the time, but more a worry that whispers in the back of my head now and then, especially when I step up and am in the thick of it.

It isn’t a fear that holds me back from standing up for what I believe in, but it is something I worry about.  Not everyone appreciates a healthy and strong standing moral compass or those with the strength of will to stand up for what they believe in after all.  And I do worry that some day I will be left… alone.   An old queer dude with no friends and no loved ones left, no family and no future generations either.  Will it happen?  I have no idea… but it is something I find myself concerned about now and then.

The cards here are saying it’s not something I need to stress over, and to let that fear go.

DECK USED:  NEON TAROT

Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
Two Cards: Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict? / Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?

Future Vision Gem Tarot

Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict?

Ten of Wands atop Four of Cups – I will hand my power, my responsibilities, and my control over to others that I trust when I am feeling overwhelmed and overburdened and it’s causing me to need to distance myself emotionally and step away.   In these times, I have no choice.  I need to let go in order to give myself time to breathe, center, ground, and find my balance again.

Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?

The Hermit Rx – When I am in the middle of a self-destruct and I’m trying to retreat into myself and go into hiding.  When I’ve reached that place… that mentality? It’s either drop the ball, or hand that ball over to someone that can deal with it until I’m in a better place mentally.

DECK USED:  FUTURE VISION GEM TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today’s self kindness was in taking a moment to actually feel good and happy with the small chores I got done around the house instead of berating myself on all the things I haven’t gotten done.   It felt good to sit down and feel like I got a few small good things done today like filling the hand soaps in the bathrooms and kitchen, refilling the shower spray bottles, etc.