Today’s meditation was skipped.  I fell asleep and I haven’t tried again since.  I will give it a go again before bed so that if I fall asleep that time it will be okay and won’t be losing more time in my day.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of taking stock of one’s wealth and good fortune in the area of their finances, resources, successes, and manifestations. This is a card that deals with independence, well earned success, and gratitude for all that one has of value in their life.

Roots.  The roots are what stand out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card.   They make me think of actual trees, and the root systems beneath those of great height such as the sequoias and redwoods.  These trees are giants and they depend upon their roots to keep them upright and stable.  The roots beneath the ground spread wide, and tangle with other roots, gripping each other and expanding their surface area for even greater stability.

In height, root systems are not about depth.  It’s about spread.  The more spread you can make beneath the soil, the more stability you have above the soil, and when it comes to finances and stability at home?  It is much the same.

People bond and create those roots, their roots tangle and the spread grows.  The more you have in the bank, hidden under the mattress, or just there to help in filling your needs… the more stable and secure you feel.  This isn’t just about money, but it’s about people too.  Even when you stand strong and alone, you need those connections “under the soil” to give you that added support and stability.

I am lucky to have many stable individuals with whom my  own roots are tangled, creating a great deal of stability and support in my life.  The message, today in this card, is a reminder to be grateful for the fertile soil and the tangled roots that help support me along the way.

DECK USED:  MESQUITE TAROT

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  What guidance does this New Moon offer for my current situation?

 Reading Summary: Move forward (Eight of Cups) with your new ideas (Ace of Swords). Your intuition is right on track (High Priestess) and there’s stuff you need to learn (Princess of Wands).

Take Away:  This is about some paperwork and forms I need to figure out concerning the Canada side of my business. I was wavering on dealing with it today, as it felt like a lot of stress and a pain in the ass… but clearly now is the time. And honestly?  It was a pain in the ass, and I spent a great deal of my time today on the phone with people that were not particularly cooperative. I took the advice of the cards, and I got it done though.

DECK USED:  TRUE HEART INTUITIVE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  Why do I fear failure when I know I can learn from my mistakes?

Reading Summary: I worry that by wandering around like a fool without a clue as to what I’m doing (The Fool atop Novice), I will be judged harshly by myself or others (Judgement Rx), and end up making a habit out of being the fool in a not good way (The Devil Rx).

Take Away: There’s a lot of things that don’t bother me and in most cases that includes public perception.  But there are always going to be instances where it matters to me, and as harsh as I am on myself, it would matter to me a lot if I was perceived publicly as some kind of bumbling idiot.  Giving that kind of impression once would be bad enough… but to have it become a habit and a reputation would be… extremely difficult to handle. 

In most areas of my life, I rarely fear failing at something, as I use those experiences to try again and do it better the next time.  For this reason, when I do end up being influenced by a fear of failure, it is usually this concern of somehow earning a reputation of a bumbling idiot that most often causes that fear to rise.

DECK USED:  MESQUITE TAROT

I made myself a serious pain in the ass to both the CRA (like the IRS, but for Canada) in order to make sure I got all of the information that I needed, no matter how many times the guy on the line tried to brush me off or suggested trying to transfer me to some other department.  I’m not sure if he just didn’t like talking to me because I have to speak through a text-to-speech app or if it was because my requests for information were a bit more detailed and labor extensive than he’s used to… but I didn’t give up until I got everything I needed. This gave me a little fissure of pleasure and sense of accomplishment once it was all done.

Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and another guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The focus of today’s meditation was about that um…. I think it’s Icelandic?  The concept of watching the storm through a window while you remain comfortable and safe on the other side.  (*Looks it up and comes back.*) Gluggaveður.  Essentially it translates to “window weather” and refers to the kind of weather you like to watch but don’t want to be involved in.

The guided meditation took this concept, and used it to encourage how someone can detatch from the intensity of one’s inner feelings or the immediate reactivity of a situation in order to find calm and peace in the middle of chaos.   This… is not really good advice for me, to be honest, as I have spent the majority of my life detaching from my feelings and that is my natural inclination when something intense arises.  Now… I’m instead working on how to better connect with them.  Still, it was a nice meditation.

Today’s draw is the Six of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of accolades and praise, admiration and public/social recognition of one’s accomplishments.

This card actually echoed for me some thoughts I was having in the shower this morning about compliments and the motivations behind such things.  I had a long rambling dialogue in my brain concerning compliments, and how it’s always nice to hear compliments but how important it is to not allow them to go to your head.

I say this because when compliments are given, there is always a motivation behind them.  Always.  It can be something as kind or innocuous as someone caring about you and wanting you to feel good, or wanting to make you feel good because it makes them feel good.  Or it can be something as mostly harmless as someone wanting you to like them and thus they give compliments in the hopes to endear you to them.   There are also times, though, when compliments are used in less innocent and guileless ways.  They can be used to “pull the wool” over someone’s eyes or to manipulate, for example.

I came to the thought at the end that perhaps the absolute best kind of compliment is the unintended one or the “back channel” one.  That is to say when someone says something that was not intended as a compliment but you personally see as something positive.   And, the compliments someone may say to someone else about you with no thought or expectation it might get back to you at some point.   These are great and amazing, because you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no motivation behind them directed at you.  They’re like little nuggets of pure gold panned out of a river, yes?

Anyway, I feel this card was an echo of these thoughts.  All compliments are nice as long as they are true, no matter the motivation behind them.  Just keep in mind that like the wide open eye of the horse in this card’s imagery, that you need to keep an eye on what those motivations might be.  Just in case.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Radical transformation
Question: What area of my life and perspective is in need of some radical transformation?

What area of my life is in need of some radical transformation?

Four of Wands and Four of Swords – You are currently in a time of rest and recovery, but that doesn’t mean it’s a time to just lie back at  home and let the world move on around you.  Instead, it’s important to keep moving and doing small things.  They don’t have to be big or showy as long as you’re not sitting stagnant.

What area of my perspective is in need of some radical transformation?

Page of Wands and Queen of Swords – See if you can’t be a bit less harsh with yourself and a little kinder.  Remember that you are still learning your way, even as you’ve done this all so many times before.  Don’t expect everything to just be the same as the last.  The skills you have learned can help you rise above and do better this time around.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT 5TH EDITION

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  Where have I been settling for “good enough” in my life?

Reading Summary:  Retail therapy (Queen of Cups atop Page of Pentacles) is all well and good but it won’t carry you forward to your goals (Knight of Pentacles). Make sure that you are using your scarcity issues (Five of Pentacles) to help keep you on track (it all comes back to the Knight of Pentacles).

Take Away: We all have fears and worries that help keep us motivated towards our goals.  One of mine is my scarcity issues.  The fear of failing at keeping stability alive and strong in both my financial aspects and home life.   This is a motivator for me and not necessarily an unhealthy one as long as I don’t use it to push myself too hard or overwhelm myself with either too much work, or too much anxiety.

Currently (the past month or three) I’ve been sort of slacking on using this tool and over the past month it has turned into a bit of a stagnancy.  I’ve also, admittedly, indulged in quite a bit of retail therapy.  So yeah… it’s time to do a bit better.  Fair enough.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

I had a chocolate muffin with chocolate sauce on top.  Okay, so I know that’s kind of stupid as a self kindness, but I don’t often eat the chocolate muffins and I’ve never put chocolate sauce on one before.  it was really good. Like a rich and gooey lava cake almost, with the lava on the outside.

Today’s meditation was just under nineteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches (which, yes, are still being a painful pain in the ass).

The focus of today’s meditation was about the reverence we feel for that which is beyond our reach and our ken.  I said something about this earlier today in a chat when speaking about “how tarot works” and where the messages come from.  It’s important to keep in mind that there is far more in this world that we don’t grasp or understand than there is that we do. This doesn’t mean that everything we don’t understand is magic or metaphysical or even spiritual… but it means that we need to respect that the potential for what is out there is vast and appreciate that potential of possibilities.

Today’s draw is the Six of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of letting go and moving on from conflict and rough waters into something calmer and smoother.

It is the hand (big surprise here) that stands out to me in the imagery on this card today and it speaks to me of saying “stop”.  Of having an awareness of yourself and what you are willing to put up with (the eye in the center of the palm) and being able, when things go beyond that point, to put a halt to them and move on to something better.

The message in today’s card is about diligence.  It’s about watching out for yourself and making sure that you remain in a place where you can be yourself and be true to yourself… and stand up for yourself by saying “no” when something doesn’t follow along those lines for you.

Right now, what I want to say no to is the depression that is weighing me down and dragging at my insides like barb-filled black tar.  I want to turn away from it and push it away… but it is not one of those things that I have a choice in.  But what I can do is continue to work at being authentic to myself, true to my values and beliefs, and patient as the world inside my brain begins to shift and right itself again… eventually.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Abundance
Question: How can I better recognize and appreciate the abundance in my life?

Reading Summary:  Remember that you are strong and capable and have the ability to take control of a situation, turn it into something you believe in and are willing to fight for, and balance that into your life.

Take Away:  This is about autonomy and the ability to build and manifest what I desire in life without “upsetting the apple cart” of my life balance in the process.  It’s important, especially right now while I’m struggling with my depression, to remember that I am still in control on what I do, where I go, what I stand for, and what I manifest in my life.

DECK USED:  DESTINY DECK

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What in my life makes me feel the most thankful that’s in need of acknowledgement?

Reading Summary: That I have the ability to be decisive (Seven of Pentacles Rx)) when presented with choices (Seven of Cups) so that I don’t overwhelm myself anymore than necessary (Ten of Wands Rx).

Take Away: No hemming and hawing, no waiting for later. I rarely need to “sit on it” when needing to make a decision.  I know what is right for me and I reach for it, and am able to allow the other choices that are not as fitting to fall away. I see a lot of people that aren’t able to do this and when they are confronted with a  number of choices before them, they stall out with an inability to decide and become overwhelmed by those choices.

This is something that I very rarely have to worry about, as the majority of the time I know what is right for me and am decisive in reaching for it.  The thing is?  I rarely acknowledge this in myself or even think about it… until I see those others out there that struggle under the need to make choices.  I am very grateful I don’t spend a lot of time stewing in my choices.  Very thankful.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

I spent time organizing my decks today.  I’ve been feeling frustrated by the lack of space and how I struggle to find the decks I need sometimes. It’s been bugging me a lot lately and eating at me. I can’t really do anything about the lack of shelf space right now, but I was able to get my “floating” decks (decks that don’t currently have a home on a shelf or in a trunk) into a semblance of order that will hopefully make things easier.