Creation, Evolution, and Balance

Today’s meditation was disrupted by the fact that I had to run Z to the hospital.   I did do a good deal of 2 minute pauses and deep breathing while at the hospital in order to keep myself calm and clear headed.   But I didn’t really get an actual, official meditation as the emergency happened just after I had lain down to try and get the meditation practice in.

Z is fine, and back with us, btw.  She just had to stay overnight to make sure that her allergy reaction didn’t return as the medication used to suppress it wore off.

Ace of Oak - Ace of Pentacles - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is the Ace of Oak (Ace of Pentacles) which is a representation of the seeds of new beginnings in the area of one’s resources, finances, health, and the physical plane.

Aside from the Five of Flame, this is one of my absolutely favorite cards in the Stolen Child deck.  The imagery in this card speaks to me of the aspects of nature and energy that I revere in my practice.   That is, that it speaks to me of the energies of creation, evolution, and balance.  It speaks to me of cycles and balance.

The appearance of this card today and the message it brings has very little to do with traditional meanings, and everything to do with my perception of those energies represented within the imagery.   This card is a reminder that my morning devotional where I call upon those energies and the energies of the elements is an important part of my day and finding balance in my life… and calling me out on skipping it.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I honor that lesson? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Mibramig Magical Tarot

Reading Summary:   Accept that I’m doing a good job (Ten of Pentacles) and that this lesson is one that is needed (The Tower) in order to become stronger and more assertive in life and a better provider (King of Wands).

Take Away:  I have definitely felt a shift happening as I’ve lead my family (sister, childhood mentor, mother and her nurse) through the crisis that this pandemic has created.  I feel less and less like a kid fumbling in the dark and working at “playing house”, and more and more the responsible and dependable rock that they need.

DECK USED:  MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What gifts does the new season bring with it?

Considerate Cat TarotReading Summary:  The opportunity for a little more independence (Nine of Pentacles) that I should grab hold of and use to nurture myself and care for my needs (The Empress) rather than ignoring or rejecting for not being enough (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  Alone time is a really scarce commodity these days and that’s something that I’ve really struggled with.  The cards here indicate that I’m going to have an opportunity for a bit more autonomy with this new season, and instead of squandering that opportunity because it doesn’t feel like I’m getting enough… I need to cherish that opportunity and use it to help take care of myself and my needs.  This feels like an encouragement to jump at opportunities to get outside and enjoy time in nature, no matter how small, short, or limited those opportunities may be.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What energy am I attracting in my life?

Forager's Daughter Tarot

Reading Summary: Seeing the world (The World) from a new perspective (Hanged Man) that will allow for a closer connection with others (Two of Cups) through self expression and exploring new ways of communication (Page of Swords).

Take Away:  That openness to new perspectives is something that I always welcome, but the blend of that with a connection to others is something that is very new.   I usually have a really difficult time connecting to people and the message here is that at this time it is important to seek out and be open to finding new ways of communicating with others that help foster those connections that I’m usually not very strong at developing.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

 

Caution and Defense

Today’s meditation was non existent not because I didn’t try to do it, but because within barely a minute of getting settled into the meditation… I fell asleep.   The nice part of that?  Was that it was out in the field on the farm, which felt really refreshing when I woke up, regardless of the fact that I didn’t actually get the meditation part in.

Seven of Flame - Seven of Swords - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Flame (Seven of Wands) which is traditionally a representation of themes that have to do with standing up for oneself, as well as conflict for the purpose of defense and protection.

Aww, look at the little vtiligo child. I really love this imagery and the inclusion that’s involved in this deck as a whole. I love that it also wasn’t billed as an inclusive deck, either, and yet is very much exactly that.

What really stood out to me in this card’s imagery today has to do with the tender flesh of the child among all those long, sharp tusks.   And yet the child remains unharmed even as the narwhal swim and circle.   It speaks to me of treading lightly so that you don’t hurt those more vulnerable than yourself.

This can be true even when using words as opposed to tusks.  Those you care about deserve the added care to make sure you don’t hurt them unintentionally.  I think we all do that sometimes, say something and it just comes out wrong either in tone or words, and hurt people as a response… but that fact that we all do it sometimes? It doesn’t mean that it’s not important to still take care.  Just as the narwhal take care with the child so that they don’t cause harm.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: What opportunity do I have to support others?

Considerate Cat Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation:  Providing perspective on “tower moment” situations in order to allow others to see that change happens and is necessary is one of my greatest strengths that I can share with others. Just remember that sometimes that message is not going to be well received, no matter how well intended or how much they may need to hear it.

Take Away:  Sometimes I get a bit frustrated when I run up against those walls others put up.  Walls used to stay miserable and wallow in the negative, yeah?  It is a struggle for me to just… accept that they truly want or need to wallow in that.  The cards here address that in the last two cards, reminding me that as I share my gifts with others and make efforts to lift them up, there will always be those that choose to remain where they are, no matter how bad that spot they’re in mentally or emotionally may suck.  The opportunity here is to remember to focus on those that will welcome my help, and leave the others to their own devices.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: When do I criticize myself most often?

Bunny Tarot

Reading Summary: When I’m feeling as if I’m falling behind or struggling to keep up (Five of Cups) and my intuition has fizzled out as a result (High Priestess), I lose the ability to take possession (Emperor) of my emotions as they arise (Ace of Cups) and my inner critic pounces forward to pick and probe at my vulnerabilities.

Take Away:  My struggle to understand my emotions and deal with them in a healthy manner is one of my greatest vulnerabilities.  As a result, when negative emotions rear their ugly head, especially if I’m dealing with subdrop or depression, my intuition recedes a bit and leaves me wide open for my inner critic to pounce and make things worse.

DECK USED:  BUNNY TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I attract more abundance into my life?

Cry Baby TarotReading Summary: Pay more attention to the emotional abundance in my life (Ten of Cups) and stop focusing so strongly on my need to protect (Seven of Wands) my home and hearth and financial stability (Ten of Pentacles)

Take Away:  Things are pretty well balanced with my life and yet I continue to feel overly protective of that balance and stability to the point of obsession.   The cards here indicate that I need to turn my focus to enjoying the pleasure of having those around me that I love and that everything is actually pretty good right now concerning my relationships with others, rather than continuing to be constantly cautious and watchful to the point of paranoid concerning threats to the more material factors in my life.

DECK USED:  CRY BABY TAROT

 

Clarity and Solid Footing

IMG_E3044Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I spent the meditation first taking time to focus upon my breath, and then expanded my focus to the expansion and contraction of my personal energy, allowing my energy to stretch outward further and further, then pulling it back in again in slow increments.   It is a bit like stretching, but for your energy instead of your body.

I then pulled my energy back in and spent a bit of extra time breathing through the tension in my hip as I worked on my piriformis stretches. I might have to step up my yoga/physiotherapy a bit, as I’m not getting as much physical activity as I’m used to and I feel like it’s starting to effect my mobility a bit.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is the “Cultivating Courage” card from the Healing Mantra Deck.

I really liked this part of the message from the book for this deck.  It says that when you cultivate your courage, it helps you in pinpointing what your best options are when moving along your path, and that “Such options may not always match up with the things you want, but they will always give you the exact experiences you need to further evolve your soul.”

I think that’s a really good way to look at things.  We can’t always have what we want, and sometimes the viable choices in front of you just plain suck. But with inner strength and courage, you can decisively make decisions even when those decisions aren’t ideal.  That courage helps you to not shirk away… and allows you to make decisions with a clear mind rather than making choices out of fear or emotional reactivity.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I use current opportunities to take back control of my body issues? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Considerate Cat Tarot

Reading Summary: Move away from the negative shit (Six of Swords) and take some time for inner reflection (The Hermit) so that I can then move forward into the future open to new adventures (Son of Wands).

Take Away:  I’ve gotten this exact same answer before from a very similar question. This is a continuation on the theme of taking this time of seclusion and lockdown to prepare and plan for a better time.  To get my ducks in a row, and get in touch with what I want and need for the future so that once the restrictions lift I am prepared to move forward with those things that are important to me that I want to grow into something bigger and better.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What do I need to focus on for self care during this full moon?

Isidore Tarot

Reading Summary:  Have a little fun (The Fool), but make sure I’m not procrastinating (Eight of Wands) on anything related to my resources (Ace of Coins)

Take Away:  I have a habit of taking things a bit too seriously more often than not, and that includes taking myself a bit too seriously.   The cards indicate I need to try and lighten up a bit, but not so much that I lose track of the very important responsibilities I have at the moment concerning our (at home) resources and foundational stability.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: When will I be good enough?

Bunny Tarot

Reading Summary:  You’re already there, you idiot.  (Well thank you very much, cute little bunnies. *LOL*)

I have all the tools (Magician) and a substantial amount of curiosity (Page of Cups) to go with those tools.  I’m not shy about going after what I want or feel (Knight of Cups) and have a secret treasure trove of stability to help keep things balanced (Four of Coins).

Take Away:  I was expecting the cards to tell me somewhere I need to work on improvement to get to that “good enough” status.  Instead it called me out for not appreciating what I already have.   I’m already good enough and need to pay more attention to the positive aspects of myself, rather than focusing on the negative and nitpicking it to death.

DECK USED:  BUNNY TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How do I contribute to the collective?

IMG_3594

Reading Summary:  I point out what isn’t sustainable (Seven of Coins) and help in creating a better plan(Three of Wands) to carry things forward using a more stable (page of Coins) and judicious perspective (King of Swords).

Take Away:  I contribute to others by helping people in finding a sustainable direction forward along their path, no matter what the topic or path might be.   This is truly a joy for me to be able to provide this perspective for others and help them in finding a way forward that works for them and feels right for them.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

The Spill

IMG_3410Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and focused upon finding your inner “home” within yourself.

The meditation reminded me of when I was little and when things were especially rough with my father and the man would make me cry or feel especially miserable, how I would curl into myself and had this mantra in my head that played over and over.

“I want to go home.”

The thing is?  I was home.  And yet those are the words that would repeat again and again when I was at the peak of being worked up and upset and crying.   “I want to go home. I want to go home.”

I didn’t understand what this really was about until a few years ago, when I realized that I no longer long for some illusive “home” and when I get upset I do not reach for some place else.  I reach for you.  I reach for myself.  I take comfort in these things and in the trees and the woods and the soil.

I found my home, even though I didn’t even realize I was looking for it.

Six of Brine - Six of Cups - Stolen Chlid TarotToday’s draw is the Six of Brine (aka Six of Cups) which is traditionally a representation of the feelings that emerge and bonds that form through history, memory, and reminiscing on the past.

What I see in this card today has nothing to do with traditional definitions, though.  It has to do with having an open heart instead of closing yourself off.  It has to do with vulnerability and the sharing of not just hopes and dreams but also one’s struggles and burdens.   I see this in the eruption of water from within the chest of the center figure.  That eruption turns into a maelstrom of emotion shared with all of the animals in the periphery.

The message here is that I need to let my vulnerability spill out.  I’m in subdrop and holding in those emotions and sensations is not going to help me get through this any faster or easier.  I need to allow myself to spill out and make a mess (with you, of course… not with everyone) so that I can breathe easy once more.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I continue that change towards the positive? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Lilli White Tarot

Reading Summary: Allow myself to jump over hurdles rather than focusing upon them (Eight of Wands).  Look forward and focus on your work (Eight of Pentacles), allow your inner strength to support you in these endeavors (Strength) and, when you need to take a little time for yourself?  Do it (The Hermit).

Take Away:  It’s okay to not feel guilty about needing a little alone time, especially when I’m being exposed to constant contact with others on a continuous basis with no end in sight for the moment.   I need a little bit of alone time to stay healthy both mentally and emotionally.  That’s okay.  The fox speaks of taking a leap over hurdles.  He moves forward, bounding over what lies in his path instead of focusing upon it and letting it get in the way.   The bee and the lion show me where my strengths lie, and where my focus is best spent.  Work on what I’m good at and creates a sense of well-being and progress… leave the rest for now.

DECK USED:  LILLI WHITE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Trolley Problem… Do you divert the course of nature and let one person die to save five strangers? Or let nature take its course and let five people die?

Maruco Animal TarotReading Summary: Despair no matter the choice (Five of Pentacles), followed by taking a moment to calm (Temperance), and then a moment of weighing choices to see if there is a way to save them all (Seven of Wands).  And then concede to my practical nature (King of Pentacles), shutting off my emotions (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  I pull the lever.  By a purely mathematical standpoint, the loss of one is better than the loss of five.  Thus, I would mitigate the damage by pulling the lever to divert the train away from the five and toward the one.

I found it interesting that the cards chose to take me through a tour of my mental and emotional reactions, prior to bearing down to the point.   This deck in particular seems to like to do that “in depth meandering” before getting down to the point.

Just as a side note… I posed this question as being that all six of those involved were strangers. It changes the balance if there’s someone I know and care about involved. I’m okay with that possibly making me a horrible person.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What makes me feel confident?

Considerate Cat Tarot

Reading Summary:  The knowledge that no matter the choices set before me (Seven of Cups) or the history I had to overcome (Six of Cups)…. the end comes eventually (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  My confidence in life comes from the fact that I have survived so much and I accept that pain is a part of life.  Each struggle and trial I go through, I know will come to an end eventually.  It might hurt to get there.  I might get knocked on my ass and battered and bloody along the way.  But eventually, the end will come and I’ll have a chance to pick my ass up and move forward from it, stronger for what I’ve survived and prepared to take what I’ve learned into the future and use that knowledge to do better.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What holds me back from reaching my fullest potential?

IMG_3417

Reading Summary: Sometimes I get distracted by what looks like the perfect solution (The World) when really it’s a false promise that (The Devil), when discovered, can send me into an emotional slump (Five of Cups).

Take Away:  I think this is probably true for everyone.  It’s that “grass is always greener” feeling or the “fear of missing out” feeling.  We all become distracted in this way from time to time.  The problem is with how I react to that distraction once I realize its foolishness.   Instead of accepting the setback and moving forward, my emotions get involved and I become down on myself and my choices.  That self abuse leads to a slow slide into a negativity pit that just ends up setting me back even further.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT