My Most Important Tarot Reading (non) VR to Becca Tarot Night Owl

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On YouTube, Becca Tarot Night Owl did a video that spoke of her first tarot reading, which was the most impactful tarot reading of her life.  I found it really interesting and I feel the want to share mine here.

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I don’t remember my first tarot reading, so I can’t really share much about that.  Because I come from a home where tarot (or rather, Lenormand) was a part of life and our faith, readings and card pulls have always just “been there”.   BUT, I do have a most impactful/important reading.

That would be a reading done by Z (with Tarot) when I was ten years old.  It was a Life Path reading, which involves thirty nine cards (plus any jumpers or clarifying cards that enter into the mix).   She does this reading for me every ten years, meaning that I’ve had it done again twice since then.

In this first reading, there was a great deal of information on the past, the present, and the future.  But, what really stuck out to me was the overall message that came at the end.

This was delivered gently, and with great empathy and understanding as she explained that the “moral of the story” for my life would be one of struggle, strife, and woe… BUT, that it’s okay to have this kind of life.  It’s okay to find your life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity.  These things are lessons in life that teach you how to become better.  Better at the things you want to do… Better at the way you find your joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

She told me that my life would have many, many things to overcome and work through, and that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable.  Instead, they are there to create strength and foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

She was far more eloquent, and that moral of the story stuck with me in a way that the reading itself didn’t.   Ten years later at the age of 20, she did the reading again, with much the same result…. as was the case last year when I turned 30 and she did the reading for me again.

Most people would consider this reading  to be a bad one, but I don’t.  Not at all.  Because it prepared me for what was to come, and helped me to understand that I’m not a victim.  Not of people, or of circumstance.  I’m a survivor, and each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

 

What is Important

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty six seconds, and focused on finding that balance between hard focus and full release during a meditation practice.

This can be difficult in the best of times.  If you focus too hard on the breath or whatever you’ve chosen as your focus in the moment, then you are not reaping the benefits of your meditation’s relaxation… on the other hand, if you are too loose in your focus, your mind wanders and you do not experience the benefits of mindfulness during meditation.  In fact, if you are too lose in your focus, you may end up simply sitting and thinking quietly, or daydreaming, instead of meditating.

The guided meditation spoke on how the key is to adjust your levels of focus and relaxation much like a guitar player tunes their guitar before each time they play.

I really like the analogy, and the story that went along with it (which is where the analogy came from).  My meditation, over all, was quite relaxing, and I’m finding that my left hip is finally starting to loosen up a bit.

Today’s draw is the Six of Wands with the key word Triumph on the card. The Six of Wands is a representation of, yes, triumph, but also public and private achievements, progress, cooperation, and a sense of vitality in the area of one’s willpower, drive, passions, and ambition.

I often take a minute to read what is written in the Journey into the Hidden Realm (which is the guidebook for the Tarot of the Hidden Realm) even though that’s not the cards I’m working with.  The thing is that I love the little stories that are written about each card’s imagery, which are all very Human/Fae liminal space in their tone and earth based. In today’s, there was a line that really stuck out to me.

That line is… “This card promises not only that you will be successful but that you will utterly amaze yourself.”

I like that.

Many times the Six of Wands is seen as a card dealing with public accolades and accomplishments on a public scale, but for me that is not really the case.  I have no interest in any of that.  What I have an interest in is my own personal goals, my own personal sense of successes and failures.

The only time I really seek accolades is in the hope that the jewelry I create finds a home with someone that appreciates it.   Even then, that is not -why- I create, or why I sell.  I create for me, because I need that outlet.  It brings me joy and balance.   I sell my creations (aside from the finance aspect) because I want my creations to bring joy, comfort, or enjoyment to another and enhance their life in some way.

This is very important to me, and I think the inner examination in this post was the entire message of today’s draw of the Six of Wands.   A sort of…. getting in touch with what is important to me.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

Something To Say – An Emotive Rant At No One In Particular

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So I watched an episode of the show “What Would You Do?” tonight, which I shared with you a bit in IMs earlier. But… I really wanted to write a post about it because, as you know, this is a really big issue that hits close to home.

On the show, it made me cry. Literally cry while I watched the kindness of some strangers… and the very realistic representation of the hurdles involved with this issue.

Although not deaf, in being mute I have a serious hurdle to overcome when out in public. It is a part of the reason that I often choose to have someone with me when I go out.

Still, I do plenty of errands and tasks out and about on my own, and you cannot imagine how often I run into problems. Whether I go out with paper and pen, my tablet to type messages on, or my phone that has multiple text-to-speech apps to use… there’s just some people that are completely intolerant to the hurdles involved with being non-vocal.

These people? Lift my chin and show them the scar so that they can understand I have no voice? And all you get is an “EW, WTF MAN?? That’s gross.”

There’s no empathy. There’s no understanding. No compassion. There’s no -effort- at all on their part.

I’ve had people I’ve tried to communicate with just snort at me and walk away. I’ve had them literally call me a “retard” and tell me that I shouldn’t be allowed outside my home alone.  These are people that work in a customer service industry.  Waiters, cashiers, retail employees…. people that should have SOME sort of temperance and make some sort of effort to understand and communicate.

I’m not a goddamned cripple.  I’m not mentally handicapped.  I don’t need a babysitter. I’m a grown fucking man that was attacked, died on my kitchen floor, and was brought back by paramedics to find myself forever  irreversibly injured in that attack.  I can communicate just fine as long as the other person is willing to put in a little effort beyond using their ears.   And yet?   That kind of behavior shown by the waiter in that show?  Is so very common.

It was really nice to see the people that stepped up, but as someone that deals with this issue on an everyday basis?  I can tell you from first hand experience, those kind souls are few and far between.   In my experience?  Most people would rather turn their head and pretend it’s not happening.

I don’t know why I’m posting this.  I think I just had to get it out.

 

History’s Quicksand

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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Week three of accountability on my Self Care Saturday spread in order to foster the motivation to write it down instead of just reading the spread, taking a picture, and moving on.

As I mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook.  This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

Usually, I use the same deck for a full month, but I switched out decks.  I love the Anna K and it’s colors and imagery and funny little faces.   BUT, I just received the Numinous Tarot and I was really feeling the urge to use it.   I think I will be keeping it for the rest of the month, although I might change the oracle for something that feels like a better pairing.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Body – Ace of Tomes – “The actions you are taking now, the plans you are creating, have the potential to become important future traditions.” (quoted from the deck’s guidebook) Plan Carefully!

Mind – Nine of Candles – Persistence and Resilience. Strength gained through experience. Now is a time to utilize what life’s lessons have taught you.

Emotions – Two of Candles – (Intuitive Hit) It’s okay to be vulnerable. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Inner Spark – Ten of Candles – Do not weigh yourself down with too much at once.  There is nothing wrong with taking your time and doing one thing at a time.

Moving Away From – Duality – Less multi-tasking… better focus? (the latter part is more wishful thinking than anything read in the cards)

Heading Toward – Burden – Here is why it is time to slow down, do careful planning, stay strong, and take good care of self.  Easing up on the multitasking, and being sure to bolster my confidence and take care of myself, will assist in lessening the sense of overwhelm that appears when my responsibilities are feeling like a burden.

From the fact that nearly this entire reading was in the Candles suit (aka Wands suit), the message is primarily concerning my ambitions, passions, and drive.

Moral of the Story – Be Kind to Yourself…. and make good choices!

Decks Used: Numinous Tarot, Shamanic Healing Oracle

 

What Seeds Take Root

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Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 10 seconds and focused on transforming negative emotions into positive ones. More specifically, it dealt with irritation, but I really do feel that this could be applied to any negative emotions.

The example used in the meditation explained how you can use your meditation practice, mindfulness, and breathing exercises to transform such emotions as irritation into a more positive light.  This is done by taking a minute and a “step back”, just to take a couple of deep breaths and seek a bit of perspective outside yourself.

The meditation itself included a breathing exercise where you rhythmically count your breaths in, then hold, then breaths out.  I found it so relaxing that I had a hard time getting up after the meditation was done.  I just wanted to lie there and dawdle the day away.   Of course, my stomach and metabolism had other ideas.

Today’s draw is yet another duo, which again had no jumper but came out together. That would be the 14th card of the Major Arcana, the Temperance card, and the Nine of Swords. The keyword on the temperance card is “balance”, and the keyword on the Nine of Swords card is “sorrow”.

To be honest?  I’m not even going to bother defining the traditional meaning for these two cards today, because my intuition is working overtime on this deck, to the point it seems to be almost “mentally blocking” the more analytical, educated side of things.

What I see in these cards is, first and foremost, that Sorrow is at the back.   When I read, the rear card in a double jump is always the subject, and the overlaying card is the commentary.

What the cards are telling me is that, although depression is often a brain chemistry thing for me, in order to assist myself and my meds in keeping myself afloat and out of the mess of a deep pit that my depression is prone to throwing me into… I need to make sure I continue to focus on balance.

I’ve been very tempted lately to up my hours on my part time jobs, because things have been slow with the business.  Not surprising, things are always slow this time of year.  Still, I push myself so hard that the temptation is there even if I don’t really NEED to struggle and strive and push for more.

I need to make sure I remember that this time of year is a time for rest for me.  Next month I have to start gearing up and preparing for the busy holiday season ahead.  June, July, and August are the only months all year that I have to essentially “slack off”.

I need to stop feeling guilt over that “slacking” and see it as what it is.   A time for healing.  A time for restoration.   A time to refill my cup for what’s coming, and repair the damage (emotional, spiritual, physical) that I’ve done to myself over the past year when things were so busy I couldn’t barely breathe.

If I do not give myself that balance?   I will pay for it later in not just my mood, but in my energy levels, creativity, and enthusiasm as well. Which would create a prime set-up for a bit of darkness to creep in and root into the soil.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot