Miscellaneous

Interesting Places

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

I really liked one of the prompts in a group I’m a member of on Discord, and I wanted to do an extended reply to it here.

Question:  Where is the most interesting place you’ve been? What did you find interesting about it?

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This wasn’t a difficult question for me to answer, as I live near what I believe to be the most beautiful, captivating place on the planet.  (Not that I’ve seen the entire planet, but I have a feeling I’d be hard pressed to find anything that could out-shine it or my connection to it.)

That place? The Olympic and Cascade Rainforests of western Washington state.

I could spend an entire day exploring the moss draping from branches of trees, or the lichen on a fallen tree trunk. I could pick a spot, a single spot, and spend an entire day exploring just within that spot… and then pick another on the next day.  Another on the next.

RF1

I love that the terrain that is not flat or soft nor hard.  Instead it is rugged, with places of soft, spongy earth, and spots where the jagged rocks of the mountain beneath the soil jut out to trip you.

Speaking of tripping… I love the roots.  They are everywhere, exposed and reaching.  The earth is moist and fertile, roots lift out of it.  They fan out beneath the earth, other than these surfacing of knobs and knots that are like the joints of a swimmer poking out of the water’s surface.

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Lie down on the forest floor in places like this, and even in the driest of summers, over time your clothing becomes damp and then heavy with moisture as the forest lends some of its bounty to you.

Here in this place I know the mosses and the trees, the ferns and the mushrooms; I know the slimy and wet, I know the crisp and crunchy. I know the fronds and the spores, the molds and the crumbling decay of fallen trees that give life to all that claim them home. The flora and fauna here are my family.

These rainforests are filled with life and death.  It is in the air and touches your skin, you breathe it in with every breath.  I love the rich myriad of  greens and browns, the dank and earthy smells, the muffled and whispering sounds in the kind of quiet stillness that feels sacred.  I love the damp darkness and decay that blends seamlessly with lushness of growth and green.

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This is my home.

I live in the city, but it is among the trees and the moss, the decay and the growth, the earth and the water…. it is there that is home.  These places are a balm upon my soul, and no matter where I travel or whatever else I see, I do not think I could ever find any place more engaging and more interesting to me than here.

 

What Do You Value?

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

One of the blogs I follow recently made a post about values, and how we identify with and connect to our values on a day-to-day bases. I really enjoyed this post, and decided to do the little quiz included that would rate my own values, as well as how well I have stuck to my core, main values over the past month.

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The instructions indicate that you first go through and rate each of the values on the list with the V, Q, N scale, and then go back through and use the numeral values at the bottom to rate each of those marked with a V.

VALUES LIST

Very important to you (V), quite important to you (Q), or not important to you (N)

    1. Connecting with Nature: Importance of value to you (V, Q, N?) =V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    2. Gaining wisdom: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    3. Creating beauty (in any domain, including arts, dancing, gardening): Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    4. Promoting justice and caring for the weak: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    5. Being loyal to friends, family and/or my group: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    6. Being Honest: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    7. Helping others: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    8. Being sexually desirable (TO MY PARTNER): Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 5
    9. Having genuine and close friends: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 7
    10. Having relationships involving love and affection: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    11. Being ambitious and hard working: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q (I think?)
    12. Being competent and effective: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 8
    13. Having a sense of accomplishment and making a lasting contribution: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    14. Having an exciting life: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    15. Having a life filled with adventure: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    16. Having a life filled with novelty and change: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    17. Being physically fit: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    18. Eating healthy food: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    19. Engaging in sporting activities: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    20. Acting consistently with my religious faith and beliefs: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    21. Being at one with (MY VERSION OF) God: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    22. Showing respect for tradition: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    23. Being self-disciplined and resisting temptation: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    24. Showing respect to parents and elders: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    25. Meeting my obligations: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 8… Maybe 9
    26. Maintaining the safety and security of my loved ones: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) =10
    27. Making sure to repay favors and not be indebted to people: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    28. Being safe from danger: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    29. Being wealthy: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    30. Having authority, being in charge: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    31. Having influence over other people: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    32. Having an enjoyable, leisurely life: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    33. Enjoying food and drink: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    34. Being sexually active: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    35. Being creative: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    36. Being self-sufficient: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 9
    37. Being curious, discovering new things: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) =       8
    38. Figuring things out, solving problems: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) =  8
    39. Striving to be a better person: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    40. Experiencing positive mood states: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 5 (I get a 10 for effort, though)
    41. Feeling good about myself: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 7 (also get 10 for effort)
    42. Leading a stress-free life: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 4
    43. Enjoying music, art or drama: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 6
    44. Designing things: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    45. Teaching others: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 7
    46. Resolving disputes: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    47. Building and repairing things: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    48. Working with my hands: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 10
    49. Organizing things: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 6
    50. Engaging in clearly defined work: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    51. Researching things: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    52. Competing with others: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    53. Being admired by many people: Importance (V, Q, N?) = N
    54. Acting with courage: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    55. Caring for others: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 8
    56. Accepting others as they are: Importance (V, Q, N?) = V
      Consistency (0-10?) = 8
    57. Working on practical tasks: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    58. Seeking pleasure: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    59. Avoiding distress: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q
    60. Avoiding self-doubt: Importance (V, Q, N?) = Q

Consistency Scoring:

0 = you have not been following this value over the past month
1 – 3 = you have been following this value occasionally over the past month
4 – 6 = you have been following this value sometimes over the past month
7 – 9 = you have been following this value often over the past month
10 = you have been always living by this value over the past month

You don’t really get a total score, as this is more of an exercise to explore your values and what is important to you by breaking them down and rating how much you then incorporate them into your life.

So there you go.  Not really anything all that surprising, I don’t think?

 

My Kisses are Balloons – A Little Whimsy

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

kissWhen I was very little and I was trying very, very hard to learn how to draw hearts, it was frustrating to me that I couldn’t make a nicely shaped heart and have a perfect tip at the bottom. The lines always crossed.

My mother assured me not to worry about this. She said that a heart that is finished with the crossed lines at the bottom is sealed with a kiss.

Thinking back on this now, that was really sweet of her. And, for the longest time, that’s how I saw it.  But somewhere along the line, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to see it in a different way.

I don’t know how, or when, or why… but somewhere along the way those crossed lines at the bottom of a hand drawn heart transformed for me. It now no longer looks like an X, but instead they’ve started to look like the beginning of something new…

balloon

(Drawings done by Twist the Leaf… obviously.)

 

Revisiting Fear and Indecision

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

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I wanted to revisit the topic of fear after my post from yesterday and the topic of the meditation that I did yesterday.

Yesterday’s meditation was about indecision, which I definitely do not have a problem with in any way, shape, or form.   But I feel like my post made it sound as if I don’t have fear, which is definitely not the case.

I do, absolutely, have fear.

I fear losing my home to the point where I obsess over work and push myself beyond my limits at times in how much work I should take on. (Thank goodness that I’m also someone that likes their creature comforts, or that fear might rule my entire life.)

I often have issues around fear when it comes to some of my scars (particularly the one on my face) and how people react (or may react) to them, which has gotten better over time as I am no longer trying to seclude myself into my home… but I know I still have a long way to go on this.

I fear my ex and the day he will be released from prison.   I fear my ex, as well, in his conniving “other” ways of trying to reach me even while he IS in prison.

I’m goddamned well -terrified- of spiders, even though my logical mind tells me I shouldn’t be.  You can add piranhas to that list, too, ever since as a kid I saw that first original Piranha movie.

The point is, I do have fears, and I didn’t want my post from yesterday coming off as some kind of bravado or something.  It’s just that fears do not inspire indecision for me.

For me, indecision doesn’t come from fear.  It appears when I am feeling extremely vulnerable, which can put me in a place of “I dunno, you choose”, and it appears when I have not managed to gather enough information or had the chance yet to think something through.

Something To Say – An Emotive Rant At No One In Particular

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

So I watched an episode of the show “What Would You Do?” tonight, which I shared with you a bit in IMs earlier. But… I really wanted to write a post about it because, as you know, this is a really big issue that hits close to home.

On the show, it made me cry. Literally cry while I watched the kindness of some strangers… and the very realistic representation of the hurdles involved with this issue.

Although not deaf, in being mute I have a serious hurdle to overcome when out in public. It is a part of the reason that I often choose to have someone with me when I go out.

Still, I do plenty of errands and tasks out and about on my own, and you cannot imagine how often I run into problems. Whether I go out with paper and pen, my tablet to type messages on, or my phone that has multiple text-to-speech apps to use… there’s just some people that are completely intolerant to the hurdles involved with being non-vocal.

These people? Lift my chin and show them the scar so that they can understand I have no voice? And all you get is an “EW, WTF MAN?? That’s gross.”

There’s no empathy. There’s no understanding. No compassion. There’s no -effort- at all on their part.

I’ve had people I’ve tried to communicate with just snort at me and walk away. I’ve had them literally call me a “retard” and tell me that I shouldn’t be allowed outside my home alone.  These are people that work in a customer service industry.  Waiters, cashiers, retail employees…. people that should have SOME sort of temperance and make some sort of effort to understand and communicate.

I’m not a goddamned cripple.  I’m not mentally handicapped.  I don’t need a babysitter. I’m a grown fucking man that was attacked, died on my kitchen floor, and was brought back by paramedics to find myself forever  irreversibly injured in that attack.  I can communicate just fine as long as the other person is willing to put in a little effort beyond using their ears.   And yet?   That kind of behavior shown by the waiter in that show?  Is so very common.

It was really nice to see the people that stepped up, but as someone that deals with this issue on an everyday basis?  I can tell you from first hand experience, those kind souls are few and far between.   In my experience?  Most people would rather turn their head and pretend it’s not happening.

I don’t know why I’m posting this.  I think I just had to get it out.

 

75 Questions (and answers) About Myself

/ Twist the Leaf / 3 Comments

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A quiz that I ran across on one of my follower’s blogs, and you know how much I like quizzes so…. here we go.

Are you named after anyone?  I am not.
When was the last time you cried?  Hmm, well I teared up a couple of days ago, but I can’t remember why.   Really cried, though?  Mid-April, I think.
Do you have kids?  Good God no.
What is the first thing you notice about people?  Their energy.
What is your eye color?  Brown
What are your favorite smells?  Nag Champa, Vanilla, Cloves
Do you have any special talents?  Tons of them, most of them having to do with creativity.
Where were you born?  Canada
What is your zodiac sign?  Taurus
What are your hobbies?  Gardening, jewelry design, writing, listening to audiobooks, hiking, photography, dabbling in new creative ideas and endeavors, learning
Do you have any pets? Yes.  A mostly black torti calico named Luna.
What do you want to be when you grow up?  Stable
Who was your first best friend?  My twin sister
How tall are you?  5’10
What is the least favorite thing about yourself?  Chronic physical pain
Funniest moment throughout school?   I’ve lost most of my memories of that time of my life, but there is the first time I heard the story of the “Little Black WooWoo”.  It was told to me by Z about her dad, who was driving home one night with her in the back and had come to some railroad tracks.  He stopped, and then went to drive across, and right at that moment a little black pickup truck came whizzing by, passing him on the way across the tracks.  He thought it was a train.   Thus… the “Little Black WooWoo”.
What is your favorite drink?  Water, although I waver between whether  prefer it room temperature or ice cold.
What is your favorite animal?  I don’t have one, although most of the ones I am drawn to are marine life.
What is your favorite perfume?  Z has this lotion that she uses that’s been discontinued for like twenty years or something.  It smells like vanilla and amber without the sharp smell of perfume or any floral notes.  It’s SO nice.  She complained a number of times over the past year or so that she’s almost out.
What sports have you played?  Ugh.  None.  I’m not a fan of team sports or competition.
Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?  So many these days.  Lets see, off the top of my head… The Hermit’s Cave, Boho Tarot, Ethony, Dani Mystic, Becca Tarot Night Owl, On the Cusp Tarot, Pappa Squirrel, Ozark Oracle, Heather Carter, Crow Quill Tarot (this one is new, but I’ve really enjoyed what she’s put out so far), tons more too.  Outside of the whole tarot/spirituality thing, there’s also Beadaholique, Today I Found Out, Doctor Mike, DaveyWaveyRaw,  Photoshop Tutorials by Layer Life, Stone Music Entertainment, AOMG Official, Bad Yogi, Yoga with Adriene…  hard to choose even just a few, I guess.
What is your favorite childhood memory?  Going to Z’s house.
What is one of your bad habits?  Judging myself harshly.
3 things that make you happy.   Gideon, Sleep, Luna
3 things that make you upset.   Disrespectful behavior, Entitlement, Closemindedness
Top 5 favorite series.   Laurel K Hamilton’s book series.  The Charlaine Harris book series.  The Big Bang Theory on TV.  The Tide book series by Anthony J Melchiorri. That 70s Show on TV, which is never on TV anymore, it seems.
Top 5 favorite self-help books.  Holistic Tarot by Benebell Wen, How to Meditate by Lawrence LeShan, The Melt Method by Sue Hitzmann, Your Body’s Many Cries for Water by Fereydoon Batmanghelidj, How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed by Anne Sheffield
One word that describes you.   Myriad
What is one of your favorite quotes?  “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” – Maya Angelou
Are you an introvert or extrovert?   Introverted with occasional moments of extroversion.
Are you left or right handed?  I am right handed, with a high amount of dexterity in the left.  I am ambidextrous when I have pliers in my hands and when I play pool.
Does your name have any special meaning?  My given name?  No.  My online name? Yes.  Twist the Leaf is from a spell casting that my sister and I wrote together when we were kids for a Samhain ritual, and still use all these years later.
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Right where I am.  I love western Washington.  If anything, I’d love to live out in the woods, though.  Maybe a little, difficult to access cabin in the rainforest with a stream nearby.  That would be amazing as long as I could still have internet.
What is your favorite gadget?  ABCOTech Shower Speaker, although the remote plugs I have installed for the lights in my place come a close second.  I love  having the lights turn on and off on their own via a schedule.
Does your name make any interesting anagrams?   No, but depending on how it’s written, it looks an awful lot like “Leaf”.
Where did you grow up?  Western Washington state
What do you call your grandparents?   I don’t.  I never met my grandparents before they passed.
What is your biggest accomplishment? Surviving
What inspires you?  Nature, Color, Music
What is your greatest fear?   Losing my home is the fear that drives me.  My greatest fear, though, is losing my sister.
What has required the most courage in your life so far?   Choosing survival and recovery instead of giving up.
Who is your favorite actor? Cary Grant
Who is your favorite actress?  It’s a tie between Gena Rowlands and Susan Sarandon
What is your favorite movie?  Night of the Living Dead (the original 1968 version)
What is your favorite musical?  My Fair Lady
What is your favorite series?  I already answered that one above, but I would have to say for television… The Big Bang Theory
What is your favorite anime?   Desu Nōto (Deathnote) by Tsugumi Ohba
What is your favorite Disney movie?  Escape to Witch Mountain (the orginal 1975 version)
What is your favorite cartoon?  The Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons from the 40s and 50s
Who is your top 10 favorite male singers?  In no particular order and only at this moment (as it changes regularly)… Leonard Cohen, Bi Rain, Bing Crosby, Kim Jae Joong, Xia, G-Dragon, Nat King Cole, Kim Woosung, Taemin, Dave Matthews
Who is your 10 favorite female singers?  Also in no particular order and only at this moment (as it changes regularly)… Barbara Streisand, Elkie Brooks, Heize, Emilie Simon, Ebba Forsberg, Beth Gibbons, Lou Lou Ghelichkhani, Fiona Apple, Kwon Bo-ah, Lesley Rankine
10 of your current favorite songs. Also in no particular order and only at this moment (as it changes regularly)… I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie, Singularity by BTS, Bad by Tablo, Face by WooSung, Catch and Release by Silversun Pickups, Island in the Sun by Weezer, X Amount of Words by BlueOctober, Move by Taemin, UN Village by Baekhuyn, Boom by NCT Dream
What is your favorite book series? Currently (and for a while now) The Tide series by Anthony J Melchiorri
Who is your favorite author? I don’t have one, but my favorite book is a horror novel from the 80s called “Little Brothers” by Rick Hautala
What are your religious beliefs?  Buddhist Pagan…. Buddhist like as in an adjective, Pagan as the noun.
What is your favorite musical instrument?   Cello
What is your favorite ice cream flavor?   Orange Vanilla Swirl (but only if there’s Cheetos Puffs on hand), although the Blue Bunny brand of Bunny Tracks comes a really close second.
What is your favorite physical activity? Sex? Swimming.
What is your favorite way to pass the time?   Creating
What was your favorite subject in school?   English, especially the creative writing classes.
Did you go to college?  I sure did. For nearly four years… but, I didn’t finish.  Life happened.
What was your favorite tv show as a kid?   Z had these videos of this show from the 70s called “Land of the Lost“.  They were SO COOL.
Are you afraid of heights?   Not at all.
Are you high maintenance?   I want to say no, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer is actually yes.  Fortunately, I have an amazing partner who loves it when I’m needy.
Are you more inclined to build your own empire or unleash the potential in others? Unleash the potential in others.  I don’t want to rule over anything, because that just sounds miserable.
If you had more courage in your life, what would you do differently right now?  Courage isn’t something that I’m particularly lacking in, I don’t think.  Time and money, on the other hand…
What is the weirdest thing you’ve seen?   Road Rage
When did you have your first kiss?   Fifteen?  I gave (and received) my first BJ a good deal of time before I ever experienced my first kiss.
If you could be a Disney princess, who would you choose to be? LOL… Hmm. I’m going to say Aurora because… who doesn’t want to have THREE fairy godmothers?
Do you have a collection?   God yes.   I have a large collection of tarot/oracle/lenormand/affirmation decks. There are also crystals, candles, beads, jewelry supplies, finished jewelry pieces, houseplants, books, pliers, videos (I never watch), teas in the cupboard, paper punches (mostly in different sizes of round)… yeah, lots of collections.
What is one odd thing about you?   I’m allergic to lemons
What is your greatest dream?   financial stability
Do you sing in the shower?   No, although I do sometimes lip-sync or dance in the shower.
Where is your favorite place to shop in the mall?  Spencer’s Gifts.  Do they have those anymore?  I haven’t been to a mall in probably over a decade or more.
Where is your favorite place to eat?   Denny’s… I have a thing for pancakes.

I actually found a few of the questions in this a little difficult to answer.  It was a fun quiz, but took a little extra time to complete because I had to mull over some of the questions before coming back at a later date to answer them.