Daily Meditation

Anxiety Is Not Intuition

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Today’s meditation was supposed to be eighteen minutes, but only managed to get through about half of it before the phone rang and I ended up talking to Ms B for about an hour about what dialysis entails and how to talk to Mr R about it.  Hopefully it won’t be necessary, but if his next blood tests come back looking like crap, that might be the direction they’re going.

The Shimmering Veil Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s thoughts, intellect, education, logic, and commutation with others.  This can often translate into needing to take an experienced and practical view, the need to either give to another or to receive advice from someone more experienced than yourself, and can be an indication of someone that is very logic driven.

So I’m preparing to do another trip over the border soon, and I’m having a bit of anxiety about it.  Nothing serious and, honestly? I just did it not long ago and everything went fine.  Now that I know the procedure, it should go even more smoothly the next time.

That said?  I’m still feeling those twinges and the Thera-Pets card for today is a good reminder that anxiety is not one of my intuition’s methods of communication and never has been. I need to channel the strength of the Queen of Wands and the experience I have now under my belt, and stop listening to those little twinges that are inappropriate for the situation.

DECK USED:  THE SHIMMERING VEIL TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Thinking back to a time when I suffered a loss of stability in my life, did I allow myself to grow from it, or did I stagnate?

The Star Tarot

Reading Summary: Growth and betterment (Princess of Pentacles) thru gratitude (Nine of Pentacles) and finding direction (Three of Wands).

Take Away: I seem to suffer a “loss of stability” in one way or another pretty damned regularly.  It’s a part of my life path that has been consistent throughout my life and it is through gratitude for what I still have and the ability to pick a direction and keep moving and adapt that I am the man that I am today.  This is a lesson on personal growth, one that I learn again and again each time events that try to break me down come about.  The key is to keep one’s eye on moving forward and growing, improving and becoming better through the trials that are scattered upon our path.

DECK USED:  THE STAR TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I at physically at this time?

The Shimmering Veil TarotReading Summary: There is a risk of repercussions afoot (Justice), but you can seize control (Five of Swords) and soar (Ace of Swords) if you step up (Emperor).

Take Away: Yeah so um… Where I am at this time physically is at the cusp between healthy and unhealthy, hovering there on the line and able to fall either way depending upon the choices I make from this point forward. 

This is primarily about my eating habits of late and the (mostly unhealthy) foods I’ve been consuming.  If I battle my urges for these unhealthy snacks and meals and take control to seas a different path, I will recover smoothly from my unwise decisions and be able to turn things around before it goes too far.

DECK USED:  THE SHIMMERING VEIL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a break to eat instead of saying “I’ll just do this one more thing first” and putting it off.  I know this sounds like a pretty minor thing, but considering how tempting it was to play the “just one more thing” game today, I think it’s pretty significant that I managed to resist the urge.

Still Moving

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Today’s meditation was just over eighteen minutes long and it was another of the self-guided meditations using my water drops music and my newly learned mantra techniques from the Oak app.  I extended the bells in my interval timer as well to stretch my time in each position of my piriformis stretching for the longer period in meditation.  It seemed to work really well for me and although there was a lot of resistance to actually doing the meditation, once I was doing it?  It went smoothly.

The Last Unicorn Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Knight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, manifestations, home life, and health. Being of the Pentacles suit, this often translates into a slow but steady progress sustained through determination.

I find the Thera-Pets card that was paired with today’s card of the day to be extremely fitting.  Sometimes, when we’re working on getting where we want to go, it can feel like things should be moving faster.  As a result, we take this slow progress as a failure.  Or, at least, I know that there are times when I do this.

The Knight of Pentacles combined with today’s Thera-Pets card is a reminder that any progress is still progress.  Even if you have to take things in baby steps and do a tiny bit at a time.  Even if some days your energy is so low that all you do is plan instead of act. It’s still progress.  You’re still moving.  That’s what’s important.

DECK USED:  THE LAST UNICORN TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: What blessing do I need to ask from the universe right now?

Tarot Art Nouveau

 Reading Summary: More hope, more connection (The Star), and more patience for my growth (Seven of Coins). The ability to more easily be present in the moment, instead of worrying about the past or the future (Four of Cups).

There is also a secondary message here threaded through the blue in the cards that encourages sating my need to spend some alone time (Four of Cups) in nature (Seven of Pentacles), and use that time to seek out stronger connections with my spiritual path through my bond with the earth (The Star).

Take Away:  What I need to ask for from the universe is a stronger bond with feelings of hope and connection with the world around me through mindfulness and reflection while practicing patience in concern to my growth so that I will be allowed to grow at my own pace instead of the pace I think I should be moving at.

The secondary message is not so much about what I need to ask for, but an answer in how to find what I need.

DECK USED:  TAROT ART NOUVEAU

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #2
Question: My spirituality and intuition both require being more present in the moment. How can I go about making that happen?

The Last Unicorn TarotReading Summary: Take time healing your wounds from the past (Six of Cups). Don’t push yourself so hard you become overwhelmed with the process (Ten of Wands Rx) and you will be much happier as will those around you (Three of Cups).

Take Away: So many reminders lately to make sure I am practicing patience.  I know it’s about the recovery and how, because I’m feeling better lately, I’m at risk of falling into old habits of piling on so many things to do that I start the cycle of burnout and recovery all over again.  That is what is being referenced here, as well.

The cards here are indicating that by repeating this cycle I’m making more than myself miserable and I need to practice patience with myself and my healing (not just my recovery, but my slowly developing healing of events in my path).

Patience will breed mindfulness, as moving slower gives you more time to linger and smell the roses, yeah?

DECK USED:  THE LAST UNICORN TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I remembered to put on lip balm before bed, which is something I used to do pretty often but stopped sometime in the past few months for some reason. Because of allergies, I often breathe through my mouth in my sleep and without the lip balm, my lips end up cracked and chapped a result.

Keep Going

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IMG_9948Today’s meditation was a little different than the norm because I didn’t use a timer at all, nor a guide.  I think the meditation was about a half hour long, but I’m not entirely sure. Instead of using these things, I chose to simply lay quietly and take time to breathe and listen to the world going about it’s business beyond my windows and walls. I did some small stretching, but nothing major, it was more just about being quiet and not allowing my brain to go through its normal constant litany of what needs done and what not to forget before I manage to write it all down.

Waterfall Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of leaving behind (and/or escaping) unhealthy or untenable situations for something better. Where the Eight of Cups is a decision based on an emotional reaction, in the Six of Swords the leaving is about practicality, and is rational and planned.

With how many changes have been going on in my life lately, from the climb out of depression’s pit to the shifts in my business due to the pandemic’s ever changing requirements, the Six of Swords is a fitting card.

Changes bring with them a sense of instability and uncertainty more often than not, and I’ve felt a good deal of that over the past few weeks as I adjusted (yet again) to the changes and adjustments that needed to be made for my business, and continued my climb out of the dark of depression into the light.   I am still climbing, but I can feel the improvement with each day that passes.  That improvement is still in baby steps, but those steps are perceptible now.

The combination of the Six of Swords with today’s Thera-Pets card is a reassurance that it is going to work out.  I’m headed in the right direction, I’m doing everything I can to move things forward and keep them going in the right direction.

Keep doing what you’re doing to keep things moving in a healthy direction and everything’s going to work out just fine.

DECK USED:  WATERFALL TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Today I plant my seeds of growth knowing that…

Very Little Tarot

Reading Summary: …moving forward with your emotional growth (Page of Cups) has the potential to be a harrowing experience (Nine of Swords). But keep in mind that it’s something you really want to do (Ace of Wands), even if you have to stumble a bit along the way (The Fool) and feel like you’re fucking up now and then (Five of Coins).

Take Away:  There are times when trying to learn about and learn how to handle my own emotions makes me feel like a fucking idiot. It’s often a struggle and can be really disheartening, it can also lead to a bit of anxiety now and then when I can’t find the words to express an emotion I’ve yet to actually put a name to. During these times of struggle, I need to remember that the emotional growth I’m seeking is something I want… very much.  More than enough to deal with the discomfort of growing pains along the way.

DECK USED:  VERY LITTLE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Waterfall TarotReading Summary: Don’t get distracted (Three of Cups Rx) or allow yourself to become stagnant (Death Rx). Keep your eye on the prize and stay focused.  You’re not out of the woods yet, but you’re getting there (Page of Swords).

Take Away: My depression has been the focus of my readings for some time and goddamn if it doesn’t feel like beating a dead horse some times. But… It’s not done yet.  I’m still climbing.  I’m still seeking level ground and it’s going to take a bit longer to get there. The cards here indicate I need to make sure I stay focused on that goal and not allow distractions to turn into stagnancy that will hold me back or cause regression.

DECK USED:  WATERFALL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I allowed myself to do things at my own pace today instead of pushing my ass to get going at a faster speed. I noticed this because I did feel the urge to push, but consciously made the choice to pause and breathe, then keep on at that slower and more relaxed pace.

Illusions of Failure

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  I laid down and was planning on doing it but then all hell broke loose and I ended up distracted from doing it into doing other things.  So… yeah.  Tomorrow.

Heartspun Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is a representation of accomplishment and stability in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, and manifestations. It’s about having surpassed satiation and comfort, and having moved on to “spreading the wealth” to make that stability not just one that is steady beneath your feet, but also the feet of others that stand with you.

I’ve had to do a lot of supply shopping for the business the last few days (and tomorrow), and this kind of heavy spending always makes me feel a bit vulnerable and irritable. It’s feels like having to pull packed and stable dirt out from under my feet in order to keep things running smoothly.

I know that in doing this, I then open the door for more prosperity and more progress, but that moment of instability in the spending still feels… vulnerable.    The Ten of Pentacles combined with today’s Thera-Pets card is a reminder that that feeling I experience during these times is an illusion.  It’s a sign of progress that I need to buy more supplies. It’s a good thing.

DECK USED:  HEARTSPUN TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How have I allowed what I was taught about what’s acceptable in society to burden me?

Tarot de Marseille-Waite

Reading Summary: I have taken the structure of what my early home life presented to me (Four of Wands) to learn what not to do (Death), so that I could create something healthier and more accepting (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  I haven’t.  The answer here is that I have not allowed what I’ve been taught are society’s expectations to burden me.  I don’t rule my life by society’s expectations, but rather by my own personal moral compass.  I know what is right and wrong for me, and I follow this to find a better path and a happier life than if I were to allow myself to be constrained and/or burdened by the expectations of others.

This is not to say that there have not been times in my past where I’ve found myself trying to mold myself into the expectations placed upon me by my father, but at this time in my life I have found ways to reach past those expectations and begin living for myself instead.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLE-WAITE

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Draw or write something free form inspired by the card(s).

Heartspun TarotOne day Jude and Michael went to the mall to shop for a new girlfriend.As they walked down the corridors of the mall checking out all of the different girls, there were many who turned their heads to check them out along the way. (Two of Cups)

Looking at the girls, some were tall and others short, some were curvy and others lean, some beautiful and others more cute than breathtaking.  (Wheel of Fortune atop Two of Swords)

All day long they checked out the girls at the mall, but by the end of the day, neither had found one that they liked.  Then, as they were heading for the exit Jude pulled Michael up short and kissed him.

And neither of them ever looked at girls again. (Ten of Swords)

DECK USED:  HEARTSPUN TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I got laid and was a greedy fucker and it was glorious.   I love you, Gideon.

Relationship Balance

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Today’s meditation was just over twenty-two minutes long and was one of the customizable meditations that are offered on the Oak app.  I actually set the thing for 18 minutes but ended up lingering for a few minutes more once it was over.  I like the mantra meditation, but I’m not all that sure about the customizable ones.  I’ll probably mess with them a few more times before I make up my mind on them, though.  I do like that you can set up the length how you want, though, which isn’t something you can do with the Calm app that I’m used to using most of the time.

Walter & Fitzpatrick Inspired Harmonious Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.

As happens sometimes when the King of Cups comes up, today the King of Cups feels representative to Gideon. He is, hands down, the closest to a physical manifestation that I’ve ever met of what I see in the King of Cups and in personal readings this card often comes out in direct reference to him.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see as the message in today’s cards is that I need to stop feeling so guilty for letting him take so much of a lions share of the reigns and responsibility in our relationship.  I often feel like he does so much more for me and us than I do, and I believe that even now to this day.   He assures me often that this is not the case and yet… it sure still seems like it. Okay, being fully honest I swear he loves me more.  Maybe it’s just in how differently we express our love to each other?  But I always feel like he loves me more. Sometimes I feel guilt for that too.

The cards today are a reassurance that that’s okay.  He’s happy.  I’m happy.  And really?  That’s what matters.  Not who’s bearing more weight or who loves who more.  It’s about being happy and comfortable and right for each other.  We have that stuff down pat.  Balance looks different for everyone… this is ours.

DECK USED:  WALTER & FITZPATRICK INSPIRED HARMONIOUS TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Do I seek out or allow toxicity or drama into my life? If so, when and why?

Gummy Bear Tarot

Reading Summary: I try not to (Seven of Wands), and I have the tools to not allow it (The Magician). But it happens when I’m feeling disconnected (The Star Rx) and not getting the nurturing energy that I need as a result (The Empress). And then trounce off like an asshat (The Fool) and try and tear shit down/apart in an effort to fix it all (The Tower).

Take Away:  A better way to deal with these issues would be with a bit of forethought. Unfortunately, I’m often at the asshat stage before I realize what’s going on and that I’m acting out.   I actually thought the cards were going to call me out on my self destructive tendencies, but the Tower in this reading isn’t about that so much as about restlessness and discontent creating a situation where I stir shit up in a subconscious desire to fix things and get what I’m missing.

DECK USED:  GUMMY BEAR TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I replace judgements with more compassion?

Walter & Fitzpatrick Inspired Harmonious TarotReading Summary:  Get in touch with my personal feelings of security and stability (King of Pentacles) and allow myself to not just connect with those feelings but share them with others (Ten of Pentacles). Show gratitude and teach this to others through example (Nine of Pentacles).

Take Away: The message here is to make sure that I am in touch with just how fortunate I am, and just how hard I worked to get there. Show others the benefits of living a life in which you appreciate what you have and share that with others.  Through sharing this with others, it becomes a bigger focal point in my own life as well, creating a cycle of ownership and positive reinforcement.

DECK USED:  WALTER & FITZPATRICK INSPIRED HARMONIOUS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

*Points to the picture below.*  Yum Yum

Blueberry Muffin and Cup of Sunshine/Chamomile Tea

Don’t Be A Doormat

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IMG_9871Today’s meditation was just over twenty two minutes long and was the last segment of the mantra meditation series in the Oak app.  I’ve discovered that while ten minutes is just a bit too short for me to really sink into my meditation, twenty two minutes is just a bit too long.  It isn’t that I get restless so much as just around the twenty minute mark my mind seems decide it’s time to wander into daydream type “dozing off” musings.  You know, the kind that you slide into just before falling asleep?  Yeah, those.

Tarot of the Old Path and Thera-Pets Emotional Support CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, resources, health, or manifestations.  This often translates into highly responsible individuals with a nurturing nature, themes to do with providing for others while listening to their needs, and being practical minded.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is that the Queen looks tired. Wrung out. She’s put herself out there and done what she can for others and now she needs a minute to rest and take a breath, refortify before moving forward.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a message about pacing yourself. The more you allow people to depend on you instead of doing for themselves? The more they will lean on you to give even more of yourself.  It’s important to “teach the man to fish” for himself rather than just doing everything yourself and wearing yourself out.  Self care is important, and a part of self care is making sure you are not being taken advantage of by those that are either too lazy,  or to convinced of their own inadequacies, to do for themselves.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE OLD PATH AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: In what area am I asked to plant my seeds of growth this month?

Tattoed Tarot

Reading Summary: Work on connecting with your spirituality and feelings of hope (The Stars), allow them to strengthen you and lift you up (Strength), and don’t allow your enthusiasm for exploration distract you from this (Knave of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  Confession.  As I feel better and recover from the depression, and as my enthusiasm reawakens within me, I have a habit of overfilling “my plate” with too many projects and responsibilities.  A part of that is because I feel better and I want to dive in and explore new things, as well as rediscover old favorites that while I was depressed I had lost my enthusiasm for.

The cards here are a reminder that over this month while I am in recovery and finding my balance, I need to focus on setting to right my balance itself and my connections with my spirituality and inner strength instead of letting that awakening enthusiasm distract me in another direction.

DECK USED:  TATTOED TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Are there limits to human creativity?

Tarot of the Old PathReading Summary: Creating boundaries is important (Seven of Rods) in finding the right life path (The Wise One) and our opportunities for growth (Ace of Pentacles).

Take Away: The only limits are those that we put upon ourselves.  That is not to say that we should not put limits upon ourselves, though, but rather that each individual needs to wisely make the best choices for their own self-actualization and growth.

These boundaries and choices we make may limit us in certain ways, but this is so that we can direct that energy into other areas we deem to be more important.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE OLD PATH

Daily Self Kindness

I went for a waterfall hike and had a great time enjoying myself among the mossy branches and nurse logs.