Daily Meditation

The First Step Is The Hardest

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_5932Today’s meditation was another untimed meditation, this time on the ground at the farm.  I needed some time to do some rooting with the earth, and if I can’t do it out in the forest right now without a supervisor, I could at least get a brief amount of time on the farm alone in one of the fields behind the barn.

The thing is?  Although I can visualize my connection to the earth and I can tap into the energy of that element at will (as described to the right in the image there), it can never compare to having an actual connection to bare earth.  Of lying down and connecting mind, body, and soul to the earth beneath you.  There is no comparison, and the mental connection, although a strong one, will always only be a shadow to the real thing.  I need that connection, raw and unblemished, unfiltered and without barriers.  Sometimes?  Nothing else will do.

Trinity Tarot and Flower Fortune OracleToday’s draw is the Strength card, which is traditionally a representation of inner strength, courage,  and compassionate coercion.

Although when people think of the word “strength” they often think of muscle and brute force, this cards is about a different kind of strength.  Instead it is about that inner core that keeps us going, the compassion that we feel for others, and the kindness we offer even as we use persuasion to turn people to our way of thinking or our will.

Combined with the Flower Fortune card for today, which states “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, what I see here is a message about determination and perseverance.

There are always journeys in life that we are hesitant to start on from time to time.  We hang back and hesitate, pause and procrastinate instead of taking the action needed to begin and get moving.  Sometimes this is because we are afraid, sometimes we just feel overwhelmed. It’s through tapping into our inner strength that we can find the “mettle” needed to step into that journey and get started. We all have that inner strength, it’s just sometimes we have to more consciously connect with it than others.

DECK USED:  TRINITY TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: How can I best nurture my personal growth?

Isidore Tarot Sea and Sand Spring Edition

Reading Summary: Lean in (Queen of Wands). Go after the growth you want with the understanding that it’s going to take a long time to get there (Seven of Coins atop Knight of Swords) and that you’re gonna have to leave some shit behind in order to find something new (Six of Swords).

Take Away: It’s all about knowing what works for me, and leaning into that using past experience as a guide. It’s about not giving up when things take longer than anticipated, and about making sure I’m making room in my life for the changes and growth that needs to happen.  Each of these represents a stage in my growth that I move through, and the aspect in that stage where I struggle upon the path of my personal growth.

Not procrastinating. Acceptance of the “long game”.  And “making room”.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT SEA AND SAND SPRING EDITION

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #1

Trinity Tarot and Floret OracleWhat positive quality do I have that others admire?
Keeper of Pentacles atop The Lovers, Scabiosa and Marigold

My ability to support, help, and guide people when they need it towards making the choices that are right for them. My personal experience doing the same, and my openness in sharing my own experiences, helps them in focusing on how the choices before them feel to them personally. This skill feels warm and nurturing, and helps them in sussing out the choices that are just right for their unique path.

What positive quality do I wish I had that I admire in others?
Seven of Wands and Sunflower

I would love to be able to project positivity even in the middle of conflict and adversity. I have seen people who stand strong in their moral compass and principals even while they smile warmly.  It’s a unique skill that keeps things from truly turning ugly.

What step(s) can I take now to work toward developing that quality in myself?
Champion of Cups atop Six of Cups, Hydrangea

Tap into love and caring and actively connecting into the emotions of joy and youthful optimism could help immensely in this, but you have to remember as well not to expect every conflict to come to a head.  Not everyone is out to fuck you over or hurt you, no matter what you were raised to believe and how cautious you were raised to be. Work at having a bit more faith in humanity.

What step(s) can I take to make the positive qualities I have shine brightly?
Ten of Wands and Lily

Allow those around you to help with your burdens.  You spend too much time in the cycle of overwhelm and recovery.  If you distribute the eight of your responsibilities more evenly and allow others to help more, this wouldn’t be the case and you would then have more time and energy for…. well, everything else in life.

DECK USED:  TRINITY TAROT AND FLORET ORACLE

Daily Self Kindness

I gave Gideon a tour of my balcony garden today and it was really nice.  I loved sharing all the plants and flowers with him.

Success and Good Fortune

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

Today’s meditation was not timed, and was done during my trip to the wetlands this morning.  I arrived just before dawn and spent an hour or so there, watching the sun come up and listening to the birds as they awakened and became busy in the start of their day.  The meditation was peaceful and quiet, and I spent a good part of my visit walking the trails, and the rest of it sitting on one of the pier stops along the way enjoying the fresh air and birdsong while watching occasionally movements in the water indicating frogs or some other wildlife was active just beneath the surface.

Tarot of Wishmaster Manikins and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of either the seeking of or obtainment of public accolades. It’s a card that is all about success, whether it’s what you’re striving for or what you’ve achieved, and the public side of being admired, praised, or otherwise recognized for those successes.

There’s something interesting about this card specifically, as just yesterday I had almost used this deck and I’d picked it up then changed my mind.  Before putting it back down I gave it a shuffle, and this exact card popped out.  Being that I’d chosen to go a different path yesterday, I put the card back.

And here it is again.

Combined with the Flower Fortunes card today, whose advice is “Fortune favors the brave”, what I see in today’s cards is an encouragement not to let doubts and uncertainties hold you back from the things that you want out of life. Fortune isn’t the only thing that favors the brave, after all… so does success.  So if there’s anything that you are hanging back on due to fear or uncertainties?  It’s time to sort those fears and uncertainties out, and take that leap forward.  Be brave… and believe that you can succeed.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WISHMASTER MANIKINS AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: What stops me from expressing my passions?

Alchemist's Garden Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of losing (The Tower) the joy and fun that I can find in life (The Sun), or losing my way entirely (Seven of Wands).

Take Away:  There are very few passions that I’m fearful of expressing. Of those that I am, the reason that I hold them back and “close to the vest” is due to fear.  The thing is, when you pursue your passions and bring them into fruition, this can often bring about drastic changes in your life.  And… like most people?  I struggle with change.  There is a sense of fear in the thought that this change might diminish the fun and success that I’ve managed thus far, or cause my deep roots and moral compass to somehow go awry.  When I hold back?  These are what I fear happening, and these are the things that hold me back in those moments.

DECK USED:  ALCHEMIST’S GARDEN TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you better express to loved ones how you feel about them?

Tarot of Wishmaster ManikinsReading Summary:  Slow down (Eight of Wands Rx) and pay closer attention (Eight of Swords). Lead the way toward their dreams (King of Wands) and involve them more in the process (Six of Pentacles).

Take Away: To better express to my loved ones how I feel about them, there are two things that they need from me.  The first is to make sure I’m slowing down and spending time with them.  Time that allows my attention to truly rest upon them instead of being distracted or blinded by other things and people.  My undivided attention.

Second is to ensure that when I am delegating work that I’m doing so in a fair and balanced manner, as well as ensuring that I’m keeping in mind their own passions in the process.  By sharing alike in the work, as well as the fun and play and enjoyment of the process, they feel appreciated and enthusiastic instead of just another “cog in the machine”.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WISHMASTER MANIKINS

Daily Self Kindness

I know that this is a repeat theme, but I toll a nap today instead of forcing myself to stay awake, even though what I really wanted was more time with Gideon.

Negative Assumptions

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_1231Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app, which I combined with an interval timer for my piriformis stretches and forearm flexor stretching.

I also had to take a slight break about half way through to write down some notes for today’s COTD, as sometimes perspectives come at inconvenient times and this was one of those.  I don’t have the memory retention needed to recall these thoughts later, so I paused to take them down, then continued with the meditation after.

The focus of today’s meditation was on empathy, and the difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy can sometimes be taken as an insult, because there’s no sharing of the feeling just “poor you, you feel like this”.   Where empathy is sharing an emotion, speaking from a place of sharing.  Sometimes when we empathize with others, we find ourselves in a place where we just don’t know what to say for this other person.  The meditation today included a reminder that it’s okay to simply say “I don’t know what to say, but I’m glad you told me / are sharing this with me / allowing me to share this time with you”.

Stolen Child Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Two of Zephyrs (Swords), which is traditionally a representation of looking inward for the wisdom to make difficult decisions, finding oneself at a crossroads, or trying to ignore the the need to make a decision which ends up in stagnancy and stewing.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the interaction between the rat and the vulture in the foreground. That combined with the “choose a child/egg” theme going on in the background speaks to me of conflict. Specifically inner conflict.

We’re starting a new affirmation deck today, and in the Flower Fortune card for today we see a prickly cactus that carries with it a feeling of caution and conflict combined with the words “The person you desire feels the same about you”. Actually… he loves me more. But that’s beside the point, because the actual message here is about our assumptions.  It’s about the assumption that someone wouldn’t feel the same… and how that assumption can hold us back from going after what we want, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a potential friendship, a job promotion, etc.

Today’s cards are about “predicting the future” by making negative assumptions, and how hope and positive thinking can help lighten that load of worry and fear, making the choice to go after what we truly want easier.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What thoughts, beliefs or feelings are hindering my growth?

Shapeshifter Tarot

 Feelings – Five of Pentacles – Recalcitrance.  The desire to close myself off from others, shirk away from society, and be alone all the time, whether it is healthy for me or not.  This is not healthy, but it is an urge that I feel more often than not.

Beliefs – Transcendence (Judgement) – That I have to do everything perfect and that my mistakes along the way are unforgivable and something that I have to carry with me always.  High expectations and demanding perfection in all things all the time is unhealthy.

Thoughts – The Sun – My perception of fun and play, happiness and success. Perhaps it is all far more simple and far less intense that I seem to always seem to think it’s supposed to be.  Maybe it’s not as big as it at first appears from the outside looking in.

DECK USED:  SHAPESHIFTER TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What value do you add to the lives of those around you?

The Stolen Child Tarot7 of Oak – Nurturing care blended with a heavy dose of patience. It really is only with myself that I am an impatient asshole. With others, I have far more patience and with those that live under my roof and I share my space with, that extends a good deal further. Two obvious examples of this include the fact that my sister moved in with me temporarily over a decade ago… and still living here, and then last year our childhood mentor was stuck with nowhere to go after they closed the borders due to the pandemic and has lived here for over a year now, waiting for restrictions to lift so that she can go home.

8 of Oak – Others that depend on me to help them with their own stability also depend on the skills I have spent time honing and perfecting. Spiders are the greatest of all architects, building unique and delicately precise structures in all sorts of spaces and areas. Like all skills, this is something that is part instinct and part practice.  My own skills are much the same, and when I find one that I excel at I use it to support not just myself but those that depend on me as well.

6 of Brine – Emotional support.  I may not be particularly skilled with interpreting and processing my own emotions, but I am a good listener and I have the ability to take in stride other’s emotions help them find the path back to calm once more after the torrent of their emotions has been released.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Although I really didn’t want to, I took a nap.  I wasn’t feeling all that great and the nap seems to have helped. I’m all kinds of bummed that they cut down another tree across the street.  That’s three now, and they cut all the branches off of another one on the side facing the lot that’s being worked on, but at least that tree is still standing.  For the time being anyway.  Although, I think once the building is constructed I won’t be able to see it anymore.

Self Worth and Personal Values

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s orders day and I’m trying that new schedule I mentioned in a previous post.

Undersea Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Justice card, which is traditionally about “evening the scales” of life, repercussions as a result of one’s actions, and themes that have to do with law and the justice system. This is often known as the “backlash” card, whether that backlash is directed at you or somewhere else, and can often come up as a reminder to pay attention to what you’re doing and whether it has the potential for unpleasant consequences.

That last bit above is what I see in today’s card, especially when combined with the Thera-Pets card for today.

Sometimes when we’re feeling low or are having a hard time, it can be really difficult to stick to the demands of our values and moral compass. This is because when we are unable to value ourselves or see the impact we make upon the world around us, it can be difficult to see any value in our moral compass and what it has to say.  In the image we see the merman hold his sword high, the blade gleaming brightly in the sunlight.  I see this sword as those values, and that gleam of light upon it as our reminder of just how important our values and moral compass is… even when we’re feeling worthless.

The message here is in remembering that we have worth.  We -always- have worth, and our values have worth as well.  Don’t abandon them when feeling low, but instead seek out those that help you remember that you hold value. By remembering this, and by sticking to our values and moral compass even at our lowest… we avoid dropping the sword into the sea and perhaps accidentally cutting off our tail in the process.

DECK USED:  UNDERSEA TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Question: What role does frustration play in my life?

Rainbow Unicorn Tarot

Reading Summary: Frustration makes me act rashly (The Fool), and will compound upon itself (Ten of Wands) until I’m feeling beaten down and on the defensive (Nine of Wands).

Take Away:  I think that this is pretty common for everyone.  I act at my most rash when I’m frustrated, because frustration creates impatience with myself and the world around me.  The problem is that there’s no real cap on this emotion.  It builds on itself and builds and builds.  Sooner or later it turns into a snarling mess of “leave me the fuck alone”.

DECK USED:  RAINBOW UNICORN TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What qualities do you possess that others value most about you?

Undersea TarotFive of Swords – My abilities at survival. This one is something that those closest to me value most.  It has to do with continue to keep moving, keep striving, and keep surviving even after serious hurdles and savage setbacks cut me off at the knees. Even then, I continue to survive and thrive.

Eight of Swords – My ability to pull away the blindfold. This is, most often, not an intentional thing or even a conscious one.  It involves speaking something that seems simple and mediocre, but ends up extremely profound and eyeopening to someone else.  It is how I ended up with Gideon… it is how I have managed to support many people I care about even while struggling with not being particularly skilled socially.  Most of the time I don’t even realize I’ve done it unless someone points it out later at some point.  I’ve had enough people make a point of letting me know it’s happened, though, to be aware that it is an ability, even if one hidden from my own eyes and awareness in the moment.

Ace of Tridents – My ability to inspire. I’m not a cheerleader… or much of any kind of leader, to be honest.  It’s not that sort of inspiration I speak of here.  But rather, it’s the ability to inspire people to explore their passions, to seek out what they enjoy and revel in it, and to dive into those things that spark interest and enthusiasm.

DECK USED:  UNDERSEA TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I called and made an appointment to talk to my doc over the phone tomorrow about some concerns I need eased before I’ll be ready to get vaccinated.

The Myth of Perfection

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was skipped because people are rude as fuck.  ‘Nuff said.

Cosmic Cycles Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Nine of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of worries, anxieties, insomnia, and nightmares. It indicates the issues that come from the mind’s nagging negative tendencies.

One of my biggest and most significant personal struggles in my life is the “not enough” theme of inner narrative. Directed only at myself and my own performance, this narrative tells me that anything I ever do could have been better if I’d just invested more into it. In that vein, nothing I do is ever enough, and thus I am never enough.

This is my own personal inner demon. Perhaps others can relate. When I see today’s card combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, I see a reminder that that inner narrative, that demon that haunts me, is a lie. Not everything has to be perfect. What matters is you’re trying and the effort and intent put in, not how “perfect” or “imperfect” the end result might be.

DECK USED:  COSMIC CYCLES TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Question: How can I better cope with worry?

Ink Stained Tarot

Reading Summary: Use logic to stand strong (King of Swords) and fight back against the invasion (Seven of Wands). Don’t allow it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  Worry and anxiety are often illogical in nature.  They creep in and whisper all these different things in our mind that could go wrong or could happen.  But none of these things are based in reality, and none of them are set in stone.  The future is fluid and even those able to predict the future can’t do so with 100% accuracy, as every little thing in life transforms and changes the trajectory of our path and that of other’s paths as well.   That means the unexpected can and will happen… and that predicted future will adjust and change as a result. 

The thing is, though?  If you continue to constantly worry about something, it’s much like when you stare at something while driving.   As you stare at that something, you unconsciously steer towards it.  This is why so many learning drivers end up in ditches or bumping against cement barriers and curbs.  They’re so focused on not hitting the thing… that they hit the thing.  This too happens with worry and anxiety.  We become so focused upon whatever we’re worried about that we bring it into existence through our focus.

Therefore the answer is that to better cope with worry, remind yourself of these things.  Remind yourself of what that focus can do, and how illogical it is what you’re worrying about really is.

DECK USED:  INK STAINED TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: What is happiness?

Cosmic Cycles TarotKnight of Wands: Happiness is not a set and stagnant thing.  Instead it is different for everyone.  For some it is having something to work and strive for that sparks their inner passion and drive.

The Fool: For others, it is abandon and freedom that at times backfires, but always creates a sense of adventure to any situation.

Four of Swords atop Five of Swords: For still others it’s about peace and balance, and knowing when to stand your ground, and when it’s better to yield the field to others.

Take Away:   The common denominator between all three of these themes is one of positive energy.  Positive energy creates happiness, no matter which scenario it is applied to or what preferences individuals have towards what their own personal happiness entails. Happiness is positive energy.

DECK USED:  COSMIC CYCLES TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took the time to use my ice pack today in conjunction with an ibuprofen to help ease the raging anger and inflammation in my back.

Too Much Armor Is Too Heavy

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_1076Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was one of the guided meditations from the Calm app with an interval timer added in for my piriformis stretches and forearm flexor stretches.  This often works really well for me as it allows me to listen to the guided meditation, then extend the length a bit afterward to continue until the stretching is finished.

The focus of today’s meditation was about emotional reclamation. That is to say about not rejecting your emotions or feeling ashamed about them, but accepting them as they come and learning how to understand them and process them in a healthy way.  I really liked the Mr Rogers quote included in this meditation, which you can see in the graphic on the right.  It really speaks to me of how I’ve viewed and dealt with my emotions in the past, and the path forward to finding a better way in the present and the future.

Isabel Snail Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition. This often translates into themes that have to do with emotional support and those in your life that are good listeners or are there for you on an emotional level.

Here we see Isabel Snail studying the book “Compassion 101” while chilling at the seashore with a cocktail.  To me the imagery here is a perfect representation of what this card is all about, for it is through the self assured Queen of Cups in our lives that are comfortable with their own emotions that we learn how to understand and process ours.  These people are kind and compassionate, and willing to help support you and teach you through their own experiences how to navigate the watery uncertainty of an emotional landscape.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a message about making sure we’re not rejecting help when it’s being offered. It’s great to be able to take on challenges head-on and push forward, but not if it’s going to bury your emotions in doing so.  Sometimes?  Having a Queen of Compassion on your side to keep you in touch with your emotions can help ensure that you don’t put on so much armor that you end up fighting alone… and lonely.

DECK USED:  ISABEL SNAIL TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: Where can I find the energy to sustain myself when I am struggling?

Miracle Tarot by Reiko Shimizu

Reading Summary: When in need of rest and recovery (Four of Swords), you need to slow down and conserve your energy (Knight of Swords Rx). Speak plainly during these times, whether this is in your thoughts or in communication with others (Queen of Swords).

Take Away: Beating around the bush is not your strong suit in the first place, and when you’re struggling and low on energy, trying to do so can be extremely draining.  People are used to your practical, logic-leaning brain and they are rarely taken by surprise when you’re blunt or speak plainly, so when you are feeling you need to rest and recover?  Stop trying to soften your words and beat around the bush. Just speak clearly and it’ll sort itself out just fine.

DECK USED:  MIRACLE TAROT BY REIKO SHIMIZU

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you go about adding more fun and play into your life?

Isabel Snail TarotReading Summary: Don’t spend so much time struggling to balance responsibility (King of Thorns) with overwhelm (Ten of Wands).  Find a better path (Three of Wands).

Take Away: This is the fatal flaw in my balancing act, yeah? For a really long time, instead of trying to balance home and work… I was trying to balance responsibilities and my sense of overwhelm. Although this allowed me to get a great deal done? It didn’t allow for any personal time at all, let alone time for things like fun and games.

In the past couple of years I’ve been working at finding a better path, and keeping my focus on a balance between self care and work instead of work and overwhelm. This has allowed for me to care more for myself and fill some of those needs I have been neglecting so long.   The Three of Wands indicates that this same path can also be used to find time for play.  I only have to look for the fun and it will be there for me, ready and waiting to come with me on the journey forward.

DECK USED:  ISABEL SNAIL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a nap even though I wanted to spend that time with Gideon.  I was having some stomach issues and the nap seemed to help a bit, or maybe it was the Imodium… or both.