Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Self Care Saturday

Earth – Page of Fire, Queen of Earth, Woodpecker, Caterpillars – Stay on track with your goals to avoid using your resources unwisely. You want to be ready when opportunity knocks, so take this time to stock up both energetically and otherwise so that when that opportunity comes to transform and fly you are ready to take that leap.

Air – Ace of Earth, The Chariot, Panda – Take that leap too soon and you will miss that opportunity to grab hold of a successful start and ride the wave.  You don’t want to leap ahead too soon and get trampled by the horses instead of ending up driving the apple cart.  Use this time of waiting to care for yourself and foster loving relationships with others.

Water – Seven of Water and Goat – This week is a good week to indulge in some of those imaginative creative projects you’ve been wanting to get into.  The more challenging the better, as there’s no obstacle too high when you have others on your side.  My most challenging project at the moment is the wood burning project I’ve been preparing for through the winter months. The cards here indicate that now is a good time to do some experimentation and practice runs.

Fire – Ten of Water and Blue Jay – Delving into creativity this week will help satisfy a lot of needs that you’ve been suppressing that need to get out.  It will also assist in fostering a sense of well-being that is, at the moment, a bit off-kilter.

Waning – See Beauty in Others – There has been a few times over the past week that you have felt inferior and had difficulty in stepping out among others because of it.  As this week progresses, that sense of inferiority will ease and you will find your footing once more.

Waxing – You Come from Love – Sometimes you need to step outside your own self-perceptions to better understand that you are prefect just as you are.  Don’t allow beliefs in your own limitations to hold you back from growth and progress.

Take Away –  Now is not the time to be leaping forward into action, but rather a week for waiting and holding space. In that space, you’ll need to keep yourself distracted. That distraction would be best served by being something  creative that brings joy and captures your attention, challenging your creative spark and abilities with something new and different.  The wood burning project I’m working toward is an excellent outlet that fits the bill and checks all the boxes. At the same time, it will also be important focus on staying contented and grateful for this time spent with loved ones.

DECKS USED:  THE GOOD TAROT, SAWYER’S NATURE PORTALS ORACLE, YOUR HEART KNOWS THE WAY ORACLE

Giving and Receiving

IMG_3425Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon how it isn’t the goal you’re going after that you need to train your attention on, but rather the present moment and the journey in getting to that goal.

This is something that I personally struggle with and have to work on.  It’s something that I need a reminder about often, because I am one of those people that gets so focused upon their goal that they will shut out the present moment in their drive to get there.  Including putting myself through hell to get where I want to be.

A little reminder now and then helps me remember to lift my head up from its focus upon the carrot and take a look around, enjoy the fresh air and the scenery, and allow more into my perception than that dangling carrot I’m striving for.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is from the Healing Mantra Deck again, and is the “Inspiring Others” card.

The message of this card is twofold.

First, there is the part that I strive for with my interactions with others.  That is that I strive to empower others and help them in finding their own individual voice and path.  This is something I greatly enjoy and hold very near and dear to my heart.  Whether that help I provide comes through a brief comment that creates the spark of inspiration in another, or a deep heart to heart talk that brings about a new perspective or idea, or simply stating an opinion that rings true and right for someone else… all of these ways of touching people’s lives and helping them find their own perfect path make me very happy.

The second part of the message of this card is something that I am not as good at and need to work at.   That is… asking for help.   Allowing others to contribute to my path and my needs using their unique gifts.  It isn’t that I devalue the gifts of others so much as I feel as if I should be strong enough and capable enough not to need help.   That, I know, is unrealistic.  Everyone needs help from time to time, myself as well.  I just need to try a little harder to set aside that unrealistic expectation of myself… and actually ask.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I use this opportunity towards positivity to take back control? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Cry Baby Tarot

Reading Summary:  Watch out for hints of a retreat in mood (The Sun) and foster myself with understanding and a nurturing energy (The Empress) rather than pushing myself relentlessly onward (King of Wands) to fight unwinnable battles (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  The cards over the past few days have indicated that what’s going on with me mentally at this time is an uplifting out of the quagmire of confusion and discomfort that I’ve been dealing with the last few months. These cards indicate if I want to continue this trend, I need to make sure I don’t allow myself to backslide… or allow myself to go the other direction and work myself ragged.  Instead, be kind to myself and realistically grounded with my goals.

DECK USED:  CRY BABY TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Do Spread #1

Chrysalis TarotWhat do they need less of from me?:  Ups and downs and unpredictable behavior. I get it, and that’s okay.  I know that I lean on this person a lot for my emotional and mental health, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this causes a bit of a rollercoaster effect that can be a struggle from time to time to deal with. Especially on days like today when I’ve felt especially mercurial.

What do they need more of from me?:  More me time.  More us time.  More time spent together, and more time focused upon us and our relationship and the things we enjoy doing together. More time doing the stuff together that isn’t as pleasant too.  Just… more us.

What in the relationship is being neglected?: The subdrop.  Or rather, their role in the subdrop. Their role in keeping me afloat and inspired when I’m feeling at my crappiest and worst.  This isn’t that they are neglecting this role, but rather I am neglecting to accept their guidance and strength and the passion that they feel in helping me through this time when I am at my most tender and vulnerable…. and mercurial.

DECK USED:  CHRYSALIS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How would I describe my confidence?

Bunny Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Look at all those swords.   My confidence is based in my intellect, my never-ending abundance of new ideas, and in my grounded ability to seek out what I need to keep things balanced and stable.

There is also an element here in the cards that speaks of the confidence I feel in my relationship with you.  In those times when my confidence isn’t at its best, it is that relationship and your guidance that bolsters me and carries me through.

DECK USED:  BUNNY TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: How do I let go of what’s preventing my growth?

Chrysalis Tarot

Reading Summary:  By focusing on being kind to myself (The Empress) and setting aside distractions for a bit of “hibernation” away from the overload (Seven of Spirals Rx) in order to allow myself time to recover (Ten of Scrolls).

Take Away:  Kindness to myself and stepping away from overload are not really my strong suit… but, they are something that I know is needed and that I do try to work on. I do need constant reminders about it, which I get often both from you and from the cards.  Still.  I think I need to try a bit harder to let go of that constant, persistent need to do more… more… more. 

DECK USED:  CHRYSALIS TAROT

The Spill

IMG_3410Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and focused upon finding your inner “home” within yourself.

The meditation reminded me of when I was little and when things were especially rough with my father and the man would make me cry or feel especially miserable, how I would curl into myself and had this mantra in my head that played over and over.

“I want to go home.”

The thing is?  I was home.  And yet those are the words that would repeat again and again when I was at the peak of being worked up and upset and crying.   “I want to go home. I want to go home.”

I didn’t understand what this really was about until a few years ago, when I realized that I no longer long for some illusive “home” and when I get upset I do not reach for some place else.  I reach for you.  I reach for myself.  I take comfort in these things and in the trees and the woods and the soil.

I found my home, even though I didn’t even realize I was looking for it.

Six of Brine - Six of Cups - Stolen Chlid TarotToday’s draw is the Six of Brine (aka Six of Cups) which is traditionally a representation of the feelings that emerge and bonds that form through history, memory, and reminiscing on the past.

What I see in this card today has nothing to do with traditional definitions, though.  It has to do with having an open heart instead of closing yourself off.  It has to do with vulnerability and the sharing of not just hopes and dreams but also one’s struggles and burdens.   I see this in the eruption of water from within the chest of the center figure.  That eruption turns into a maelstrom of emotion shared with all of the animals in the periphery.

The message here is that I need to let my vulnerability spill out.  I’m in subdrop and holding in those emotions and sensations is not going to help me get through this any faster or easier.  I need to allow myself to spill out and make a mess (with you, of course… not with everyone) so that I can breathe easy once more.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I continue that change towards the positive? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Lilli White Tarot

Reading Summary: Allow myself to jump over hurdles rather than focusing upon them (Eight of Wands).  Look forward and focus on your work (Eight of Pentacles), allow your inner strength to support you in these endeavors (Strength) and, when you need to take a little time for yourself?  Do it (The Hermit).

Take Away:  It’s okay to not feel guilty about needing a little alone time, especially when I’m being exposed to constant contact with others on a continuous basis with no end in sight for the moment.   I need a little bit of alone time to stay healthy both mentally and emotionally.  That’s okay.  The fox speaks of taking a leap over hurdles.  He moves forward, bounding over what lies in his path instead of focusing upon it and letting it get in the way.   The bee and the lion show me where my strengths lie, and where my focus is best spent.  Work on what I’m good at and creates a sense of well-being and progress… leave the rest for now.

DECK USED:  LILLI WHITE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Trolley Problem… Do you divert the course of nature and let one person die to save five strangers? Or let nature take its course and let five people die?

Maruco Animal TarotReading Summary: Despair no matter the choice (Five of Pentacles), followed by taking a moment to calm (Temperance), and then a moment of weighing choices to see if there is a way to save them all (Seven of Wands).  And then concede to my practical nature (King of Pentacles), shutting off my emotions (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  I pull the lever.  By a purely mathematical standpoint, the loss of one is better than the loss of five.  Thus, I would mitigate the damage by pulling the lever to divert the train away from the five and toward the one.

I found it interesting that the cards chose to take me through a tour of my mental and emotional reactions, prior to bearing down to the point.   This deck in particular seems to like to do that “in depth meandering” before getting down to the point.

Just as a side note… I posed this question as being that all six of those involved were strangers. It changes the balance if there’s someone I know and care about involved. I’m okay with that possibly making me a horrible person.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What makes me feel confident?

Considerate Cat Tarot

Reading Summary:  The knowledge that no matter the choices set before me (Seven of Cups) or the history I had to overcome (Six of Cups)…. the end comes eventually (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  My confidence in life comes from the fact that I have survived so much and I accept that pain is a part of life.  Each struggle and trial I go through, I know will come to an end eventually.  It might hurt to get there.  I might get knocked on my ass and battered and bloody along the way.  But eventually, the end will come and I’ll have a chance to pick my ass up and move forward from it, stronger for what I’ve survived and prepared to take what I’ve learned into the future and use that knowledge to do better.

DECK USED:  CONSIDERATE CAT TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What holds me back from reaching my fullest potential?

IMG_3417

Reading Summary: Sometimes I get distracted by what looks like the perfect solution (The World) when really it’s a false promise that (The Devil), when discovered, can send me into an emotional slump (Five of Cups).

Take Away:  I think this is probably true for everyone.  It’s that “grass is always greener” feeling or the “fear of missing out” feeling.  We all become distracted in this way from time to time.  The problem is with how I react to that distraction once I realize its foolishness.   Instead of accepting the setback and moving forward, my emotions get involved and I become down on myself and my choices.  That self abuse leads to a slow slide into a negativity pit that just ends up setting me back even further.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

Opening Up

IMG_3398Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long, and focused upon a breathing activity that was very similar to a body scan.   That is to say that it actually was a body scan, but instead of just consciously checking in with each area of the body, the meditation involved using the breath to breathe in healing energy into each part of the body along the way, and then into the body as a whole once each part had been tended to individually.

I really enjoyed this, and the visualization of air swirling through the body part, one body part at a time, and pushing out discomfort and tension was very relaxing.  This is definitely a meditation that I will be practicing again, and perhaps take some more time at it without a guide along for the ride in the future.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is something a little different.   It’s from the Healing Mantra Deck, which is a meditation guidance deck.   Today’s card is the “Liberating Love” card, which is about opening your heart to both give and receive.

This card indicates that love is healing, and the guidebook provides a reminder that when opening your heart to receiving and forgiving feels tiresome and exhausting, it means that we do not feel safe enough to remain open, giving guidance on using your will to find the strength to open anyway, for it is in opening up to love where the healing lives… not in closing yourself off.

This is a good reminder to me today, as I’m on the cusp of a subdrop.  These drops make me feel extremely vulnerable, and it is my habit to close up when they come upon me.  But the truth is, it is only in staying open and allowing the love between us to help me through where real healing happens.

DECK USED:  HEALING MANTRA DECK

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question
: Root Cause (built off yesterday’s cards)

Fantastical Creatures Tarot

Reading Summary:  I have consciously made some choices lately (Eight of Swords) to focus on the positive (The Star) which is helping me in finding a better path through reflection as well as the rest I need at this time (Four of Swords).

Take Away:   Essentially?  Make good decisions and get good rest, and the whole world has an opportunity to look different… and better.  The state of mind was a positive shift, and these choices to allow myself more rest and a time of reflection combined with making a conscious choice to look for the positive is helping in lifting me up out of the smog for a breath of fresh air.

DECK USED:  FANTASTICAL CREATURES TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is the most valuable thing I can do for others this month?

Mibramig Magical Tarot

Reading Summary:  Lift them up (Six of Wands) by helping them to look at things differently (Page of Swords) and make good choices for themselves (The Lovers).

Take Away:  Sometimes we all need to learn new ways to look at (and think about) the things that are weighing on our minds.  As the Ten of Swords grows into the Page, there is growth in finding new ways to move forward.  The cards indicate that the most valuable thing I can do for others this month is helping them feel better about themselves in their situation by encouraging that growth and helping them in finding the path forward that is right for them.

This is actually one of the ways that I very much enjoy interaction with others (as an introvert, I’m a little picky about social interaction) and it’s wonderful to hear from the cards that this endeavor is helpful and positive for others.

DECK USED: MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What do I know about myself for sure?

Cosmic Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m willing to walk away (Eight of Cups) from a sure thing (Nine of Cups) in order to go after something better (Queen of Wands).

Take Away:  I demonstrate this on a regular basis, but in one of the most obvious ways that this is true is in how I make my living.   I am three months from completing double science majors.  I could, with the grades I was pulling down and my natural affinity for those subjects, have taken any number of high paying jobs even without my degree.

I chose to go my own way instead.  I chose to enjoy my life, rather than spend it in an office or a laboratory or a classroom teaching others.  This isn’t because I couldn’t have done any of those things, or all of those things.  It’s because the learning burned bright within my passion and drive… but the actual careers? Left me cold. Instead, I chose to go after something that does kindle my spark of joy and passion and creation.  I started my own business and do my own thing.

Yes, my other part time jobs (or some of them anyway) were very much in the wheelhouse of my education and knowledge base… but they bring me joy because there is a lack of pressure, and an abundance of freedom to do my own thing and go my own way and help… on an individual level.  I enjoy that far more than some stuffy office or lab or classroom.

DECK USED:  COSMIC TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What opportunities are being presented to me this month?

IMG_3407

Reading Summary:  Overcoming my fear of the unknown (Two of Wands) and moving forward into a new beginning (The World) with self possession intact and a new understanding of my needs moving forward (Queen of Cups).

Take Away:  I feel like a lot of the uncertainty I’ve been feeling in the past few months is an emotional influence.  I’m so not used to my emotions being “out of the box” and able to influence… well, everything. The opportunity being presented to me this month is in starting on a journey that finally begins moving me away from that “holy crap fear” that comes with stepping out of the dark box I’d hid my emotions in and into the disorientation of the light… and moving past that blind moment of disorientation into somehwere more seated, comfortable, and assured.

DECK USED:  MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT

One Brick at a Time

IMG_3365Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused upon allowing yourself to step back and see a bigger picture.  I’ve kind of lost what the whole message of this meditation was about, but what really stuck with me concerning it is how sometimes, when I need some especially calming meditation, I lie down in the bottom of the tub with the shower running and watch the drops of water slowly drip down the sidewall of the tub.

Sometimes, I need that. That closed off and bearing down on the minuscule.  Sometimes when the world becomes overwhelming, that time can help me find center in the middle of the overload.

But it’s important not to stay there.  You have to be able to bring yourself back open tot he world again.  If not?  It’s not healthy.

The Tower - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Tower card, which is traditionally a representation of sudden changes that cause chaos and upheaval.

Sometimes the stuff that falls apart needs to do so.  And sometimes?  What needs to fall apart has to do so at our own hands. The Tower is a representation of chaos and destruction, but there’s nothing here in this imagery that speaks to me of it necessarily being a surprise.

There’s only so much space in the world.  Sometimes when we outgrow our egg, we have to crack it and break free of the shell in order to find something better.  Sometimes?  No one can do this work but you, yourself.

These Tower moments are by choice, but that makes them no less powerful.  In the rubble of the mess laid bare, you can then build something better in its place.  Now is the time of destruction and that’s okay.  Just keep in mind when the dust settles that returning to the old way of life is like a chick trying to crawl back inside it’s busted egg.   It isn’t going to work.   It’s time to build something new in its place.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I continue to align myself with lunar and seasonal energies moving forward?

Arcana Iris Sacra Tarot

Reading Summary: Even in times when things are good (Nine of Cups) and it feels like it’s a good time to rest (Nine of Wands) and take stock (Nine of Discs), always stay open to learning new things (The Hierophant).

Take Away:  These cards are about dedication. It’s always easy to reach for your faith when times are hard.  In difficult times it’s natural to reach for one’s faith for stability and hope. But in good times, we often forget as we become distracted by other things.  We slack off on leaving offerings, and do not place our faith and its customs as a priority.  The cards are indicating that to continue aligning myself with the seasonal and lunar energies moving forward, it is important to remember to continue upon my  path and in the elements of my faith in good times and bad.

DECK USED:  ARCANA IRIS SACRA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How do other’s perceive me?

Tarot of the Silicone Dawn

Reading Summary: Enabler… Okay so that’s an intuitive hit but let me work it out.

It has to do with using my long history of experience (Six of Cups) to spark the inspiration of others to go after what makes them happy (Devil and Ace of Cups), even if that sometimes means that they use their resources towards that end rather than towards more practical means (Five of Swords and Seven of Wands).

Take Away: Slightly embarrassing moment?  I was scared when I pulled for this question that the cards would tell me that people perceived me as a know-it-all. 

What’s indicated in the cards is that I encourage people to go after what makes them happy rather than always opting for the practical and responsible option. I can definitely cop to this, especially in the tarot community. My enthusiasm for cartomancy and vast array of decks in my collection probably make this pretty inevitable.

As I have become more and more comfortable socializing in different tarot circles, rather than keeping to myself as I have in my past, I’ve found that I really enjoy sharing my collection as well as my enthusiasm with those that enjoy these things as well. I don’t really see anything wrong with that.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SILICONE DAWN

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What have I learned about myself through this month’s tarot challenge?

78Tarot Elemental Tarot of the Natural

Reading Summary:  Too much time alone (The Hermit) leads to  a struggle concerning resistance to change (Death Rx) and indecision (Hanged Man Rx).  I handle these things better when they are shared with others (Two of Water).

Take Away:  Essentially?  I need the emotional support of others to help me though times of change and issues that create indecision and uncertainty.  When left on my own to deal with those times of change, I end up digging in my heels rather than allowing that change to flow over me and through my life.

DECK USED:  78TAROT ELEMENTAL TAROT OF THE NATURAL

 

Crumbling Pedestals

IMG_3347Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon something that I’ve been extolling upon for a few days now, which is the need to try and focus your mind and attention upon the present moment instead of wallowing in the bag and negative or getting wrapped up in the “what if” train of thought that can create huge amounts of anxiety.

I know it’s hard, and I’ve seen it said many times now when people see others say “please stay focused on the positive” that that advice is discounting everyone’s suffering and struggling, especially that of those less fortunate.   But that is not the case, no matter how much people want to believe it.

There are dying cancer patients and homeless weathering life in a cardboard box in the middle of winter who wallow in their misery and hate everything and everyone.  There are individuals in the exact same situation that choose to keep their focus on what’s good in life and seek out a positive outlook.

This isn’t a poor person vs rich person thing, not a blind to reality thing.  Those people in those situations with a positive outlook are not blind to reality.  They know how horrible things are and how difficult their situation is.   But they make the choice to seek something positive rather than wallowing in the negative.

It’s a “healthy mentality” thing.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is The Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of leadership, authority, stability, and strength and how these qualities are used to influence a  community.

What really stands out to me in this card is the hands.  Specifically the fact that the hands are pierced through and pinned in place.   The structure pierced through the hands is delicate, and thus requires a “delicate touch” to keep standing for those that walk beneath the threshold.

In this image, the hands have become to move, and the structure is falling.  What I feel is that there is a message here about the precarious pedestals that we build, both for ourselves and for others to sit upon.  No one is perfect.  We can’t expect others to be perfect, and we can’t expect ourselves to be either.   It’s important to keep that in mind so that our expectations of both ourselves and others can remain realistic.

DECK USED:   HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What fear am I being invited to conquer during this fresh turn of the wheel?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: I fear becoming too cocky  (Nine of Cups) and ending up powerless (Seven of Swords) against destitution (Five of Pentacles) and unable to find the guidance or confidence (Hierophant) to pull myself out of the pit.

Take Away:  It’s always awkward when the cards call you out on shit you’re trying to hide from yourself.  Some of the lessons I’m learning this spring include those that will allow me to get a handle on my fear of “fucking up” and irreparably screwing myself over as a result.   This fear is the reason that, even when things are good, I work so damned hard and push myself so far beyond what is reasonable.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT RWS EDITION

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What have I forgotten that needs to come back into focus?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being “on the right track” requires help from others (Three of Coins over Judgement) and this pandemic is no reason to slack on being good to yourself (Tower over Empress). Reach out to others and re-establish good relationships that may have become stagnant (Ace of Coins).

Take Away:  These cards are about building and maintaining relationships, and how the worth of those relationships goes beyond just having a friend and into being a part of self-care and nurturing the self.

I have a hard time establishing friendships usually, and especially in maintaining them. I struggle with small talk and general chatting, finding socialization quite awkward more often than not, especially with those I get to know well or want to know better. It’s much like dating, I guess.  I excelled at meeting new people and flirting and the one night stand…. but i sucked at establishing solid, long lasting friendships and relationships.

The cards here indicate that friendships I’ve let slide to the wayside may need re-examining and re-connection.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT