tarot self care

Forward… No Backsliding

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused on encouraging reflection upon one’s thought process and how it can create self-fulfilling prophesies.

It used a story known as The Two Wolves as the basis behind the guided meditation, and spoke on how when you focus on the negative, it gives that “wolf” energy and strength.  And the same when you choose to feed the positive “wolf” within as well.

I have always loved this story, although I think sometimes I have a habit of misinterpreting it.  It’s easy to take the moral of the story to mean you should ignore negative things, and that by starving them of attention they will die.   In truth?  You can’t always ignore the bad things.  Yes, sometimes they will starve and die… but other times they will fester.  The trick is in knowing which is which.

Page of Swords - Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is the Page of Swords, which is often a representation of learning from the mistakes and challenges of the past, and moving forward with those lessons in hand to step into the future.

The Page of Swords in today’s draw is a reminder that today is a new step forward. After our talk last night, it would be easy to slip my way back into that fog of fear, but today’s card has stepped in to make sure with a new day that I stay on this new path.  The Page of Swords says, “Don’t fall back into the habits of the past, don’t sink back into the sludge, take care not to return to what came before. You don’t want to go back there. Move forward instead.”

DECK USED: THE EFFLORESCENT TAROT (COLOR EDITION)

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I nurture those seeds? (Build off of yesterday’s reading.)

Textured Tarot

Reading Summary: Gratitude (Ten of Cups) and rest (Four of Swords), and don’t allow for wallowing in uncertainty (Eight of Swords) because that breeds bad things (Nine of Swords).

Take Away:  I need to make sure that I’m taking the time and effort to be grateful for what I have instead of always looking for something more or better, as well as make sure I am resting when I need it instead of constantly pushing myself beyond my limits. Allowing myself to stand stagnant in the sludge of confusion and fear I’ve been trying so hard to ignore the last few months has not helped me in rising above anything, but only creates more stress and more opportunities for bad shit to overtake the good and turn my addictions against me.

DECK USED:  THE TEXTURED TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is something you have never considered doing that would improve your life?

Lost Forest Tarot

Reading Summary: This is about delegating. It’s about when new ideas spark and instead of holding them all to myself to execute on my own, taking them to a helper (once I get a new one) to have them do the “fleshing out” while I oversee the process.

Take Away:  Okay so this idea makes me squirm… just sayin’.  I’m pretty sure it’s the control freak aspect of my make-up that makes it hard for me to be comfortable with the idea.  But, it’s probably a really good one.  

The suggestion here is that when I have an idea for new products and I really want to move on it rather than putting it in my “ideas for later” book, I bring my helper into the design process from the start and have them do more of the physical labor part of my new design ideas while I keep a close watch and guide their hands, rather than pushing myself to do it all on my own.

DECK USED:  THE LOST FOREST TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I ask for the help I need?

Field Tarot

Reading Summary: Take my head out of my ass and abandon my pride (Six of Wands). Sometimes you just have to do it what needs doing. (The Chariot) Don’t hesitate. Don’t sleep on it. Those things aren’t going to help. (Nine of Swords)

Take Away:  Damnit.  I hate to admit it.  But the truth is that sometimes it really is just pride holding me back.  It’s that assumption that I shouldn’t need help, or forcing myself to say “I can handle it” when I really can’t… or maybe I could, but it would be healthier for me if I didn’t handle it on my own.   At those times, I procrastinate asking for help and it creates a low thread of stress and anxiety in the background that then builds and builds on itself so subtly that I don’t notice until it’s too late.

These cards indicate that the better path is to set my expectations of myself and pride aside and just reach out for help from the start, and I can then circumvent those negative repercussions of not having done so.  They also suggest that in order to motivate myself into reaching out from the beginning, I need to remember just how messy both mentally and emotionally that things can get when I don’t seek out help.

DECK USED:  THE FIELD TAROT

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

SCS

Earth – Seven of Rings and Telescope – I need to focus on taking the long view concerning my business and finances, instead of trying to work out everything right now in this moment. The telescope also indicates that in is area (Pentacles in the position of Earth) it will be important to depend upon the help and expertise of others along the way. This is not a solo journey.

Air – The Moon, Eight of Swords, Knot, The Empty Cup – The message here is about the clouded and confused thinking and self restraint due to fear that we talked about on Saturday. All that foggy thinking and fumbling in the dark of uncertainty and fear left me filled with tension that was growing and growing. The empty cup says that now that this has been worked through and the contents of my cup have been spilled out on to the table, I can start filling it up with something new and better.

Water – The Hanged One and Snake – These cards were pulled before our talk, and the cards in this position speak about my stalling tactics in dealing with what was building inside, as well as the suggestion to shed some of that weight like a snake sheds its skin. Our talk was a very large and significant first step in that, and getting myself back on track emotionally… as in this case it is emotions that slipped me off the tracks in the first place.

Fire – Son of Rings, Diving Helmet, Crater – The cards here are a reassurance that my inner spark of creativity is still there, it’s just currently weighed down and buried beneath all the mess. As I start the healing process that we began with our talk yesterday, it will again return to the surface.

Waning – Shelegiel Angel of Snow – Closing myself off and wallowing in that sludge of inner uncertainty and fear that was roused a few months ago with that letter and took root inside and began to spread beneath the surface.

Waxing – Simikiel Angel of Vengeance – I am going to need to make a decision on whether I want to take the high road or not this week. This has to do with my mother, my upcoming trip to see her, and the threat I’d made concerning her behavior towards me and our relationship.

Take Away – The majority of these cards in today’s pull are a reflection of the feelings of fear and uncertainty I’ve been trying to bury and ignore for the past few months. That letter really messed me up, far more than I’d realized, and very definitely on an emotional level. I don’t want to do things the way I’ve always done them in the past. I don’t want to push things deep and hide from them, and then let them fester until I’m forced to deal with them. I didn’t even realize I was doing it this time or what the issue was that was starting to bubble up. Now that I know, the cards are providing guidance on how to move forward (slow and steady with patience and outside help).

DECKS USED: ACCURATE AF TAROT, EMPTY CUP ORACLE, ANGELARIUM ORACLE OF EMINATIONS

Balance and Moderation

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Today’s meditation was non-existent.  That is because I decided to sleep in.  I’ve been feeling really drained lately, and the majority of my sleep last night was that deep kind of sleep that feels like it didn’t happen?   You know…  you put your head down on the pillow and sleep for 6 hours, but it feels like you only had your eyes closed for five minutes.  That kind of sleep.   So, since I didn’t have to be at the farm this morning, I rolled over and gave Miss Luna a few pets then burrowed in and went back to sleep.

I’ll meditate before bed tonight.

Spacious TarotToday’s draw is the Child of Wands and the Explorer of Pentacles (that would traditionally be called the Page of Wands and the Knight of Pentacles).

The cards in today’s draw are an indication that there is a need for stability in my pursuits.  A need to take my time in exploring my direction, my interests, and my passions.   I need to take it slow, one step at a time, and just persevere the pace.

This was something we spoke on earlier briefly in our scab rending, yeah?  The need to stop trying to focus on “all that needs done” and instead work at it one small, simple step at a time.   I will be taking my ideas notebook with me when I go to mom’s next week and I’m going to be using the back of it to list off those small steps so that I can begin working through them once I return home.

DECK USED:  SPACIOUS TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: What seeds have I already planted this year that will benefit me?

Cat's Eye Tarot

Reading Summary: The examination of my addictions (The Devil) and how they affect different aspects of my life (Six of Swords) in order to take better control of the situation (The Emperor).

Take Away:  I have an addictive personality, and just about anything I enjoy has the potential to become an addiction that can then spiral out of control.  I have to be very careful and watchful at all times of my actions to make sure that doesn’t happen.  Sometimes?  It happens anyway.  One of the things I have begun adjusting with the new year (and will be setting intentions on during Imbolc this year) is finding a better balance between a few of those addictions (deck spending, baked goods and candy, etc) and the realities of everyday life and my well-being.  It’s not that I’ve screwed myself over in any of these areas, but rather that I feel a little more control is necessary to keep it that way.

DECK USED:  CAT’S EYE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Ask the cards to tell you about something funny that will make you smile.

Vindur TarotReading Summary: My mother thinks everything is dandy (Ten of Cups) and she has all of her ducks in a row (Eight of Pentacles), but she’s about to discover shit’s about to hit the fan (The Tower) and she’s going to have to start over building up all that “social credit” that she’s been working at for so long (Page of Cups).

Take Away:  Okay so…. this does make me smile, but it also makes me sad.  The cards indicate that my mother is not going to heed my warnings about trying to set me up with one of her social club “eligibles”.  She is very much of the opinion if I date one of her friend’s sons, it will somehow boost her prestige in her social group.

I warned her that I’ve been in a relationship for nearly twelve years, and I’ve told her numerous times that she’s being disrespectful and to stop… and then the last time, warned her if she didn’t stop I would make sorry.   It looks like, from these cards, that is definitely going to end up happening.

This makes me mad because… it’s my mother and apparently the only time it’s okay that I’m not a testosterone driven straight man is when it can benefit her. It’s about respect, and the lack thereof.

It makes me sad because… it’s my mother, and if I am pushed to going through with my threat, it’s going to hurt her.  That said?  I’ve had enough, and if this is what it takes to make her stop, then that’s what’s going to happen.

It makes me smile because… It’s going to be fun.  Honestly.  I’ve wanted to snub my nose at all that prestige and country club snobbery for decades.  I can’t say that I’m not going to enjoy doing it if it comes down to that.

DECK USED:  VINDUR TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I accept help from others?

Vintage Oracle Tarot

Reading Summary:  Let go of rigidity (The Fool) and allow myself to accept that sometimes I need help making difficult decisions (Two of Swords) and that seeking council from others isn’t a bad thing (The Hierophant).

Take Away:  This is pretty clear cut and has been a topic that has come up a lot lately, although I think the talk we had earlier today will help a bit in this specific reoccurring theme.   I’ve been avoiding reaching out and getting help with what’s been going on with me, and as you noticed earlier, it’s pretty much been eating me alive from the inside. 

Thank you for demanding I give you a chance to poke at the wounds and tear off the scars, and for helping me through the emotional outburst that was involved in doing that.  Now… I just need to remember to reach out again… and again… and again.

DECK USED:  VINTAGE ORACLE TAROT

The Good Stuff

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on spending more time and attention on the people in your life and less time and attention on consumerism.

This is a good reminder.  I think we all get a little caught up now and then in that drive for “more” and “I want”.  Maybe it’s just a part of human nature.  Today’s meditation was a reminder that there is so much more to life than that, but it takes a choice to focus on those people that enrich our lives and truly appreciate their presence to find the true joy of their presence there.

Nine of Cups - Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is a representation of satiation in the area of one’s emotions and relationships.

I think this card goes really well with the message that was presented in today’s guided meditation, to be honest.   It’s important to know when you have enough.  Being someone with an addictive personality, I can attest first hand that sometimes?  That line is a difficult one to identify, let alone toe.

To balance out those traits, it’s important to appreciate what you have before you already.   Family, friends, and loved ones are an important part of life, and shouldn’t be forgotten or swept under the rug.   I see each of the cups in the imagery of the Nine of Cups in today’s draw as a cup that is filled.  Filled because it represents a person that has enriched and enhanced the life of the person appreciating them.

DECK USED: THE EFFLORESCENT TAROT (COLOR EDITION)

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I face that truth this year? (Build off yesterday’s read.)

Spirit of the Flowers Tarot

Reading Summary: Spend more time getting in touch with my needs and the needs of those around me (Empress) so that I have a better chance of having more “your cup is half full” experiences (Nine of Chalices).  If I don’t want to be held back by my own ignorance of the issues (Eight of Swords), I need to try approaching them from a more optimistic perspective (The Sun).

Take Away:  This is… not the answer I was expecting, to be honest.  But it’s right on the mark.  Part of the reason I set aside issues I don’t want to deal with is because I see them in a pessimistic light.  This causes a systemic lack of enthusiasm to deal with them as a whole.  The cards indicate if I approach from a place of nurturing optimism, I will have better success in the future at avoiding the problems that arise when I choose to ignore those issues instead of deal with them.

DECK USED:  SPIRIT OF THE FLOWERS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?

Tarot Cats

Reading Summary: Someone’s deception is going to play to my advantage (Seven of Swords). I just need to sit back and wait and stay detached (Four of Cups), and make good choices when some difficult options are eventually presented to me (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  This is interesting in having followed the Tarot for Growth reading above.  But, it deals with a specific situation that is coming, not an overall change (or lack of change, as the case may be in this instance) in how I do things.  I’ll need to remember this advice when the moment of betrayal comes so that I remember to sit back and wait rather than acting rashly in the moment.

DECK USED:  TAROT CATS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I find positive mentors?

Ethereal Visions Tarot

Reading Summary: Over the next year (Wheel of Fortune), if I want to seek out a positive mentor I will need to listen closely to my intuition (High Priestess) and keep myself open to the possibility of new emotional bonds (Page of Cups) and new ways of doing things (Page of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The cards just called me out on being a stick in the mud. Laughing. I am often very rigid in how much I am willing to put myself out there, and although I’m often open to learning new things, my guardedness can be a hindrance to that. If I decide over the next year that I want a mentor, I will need to ease up on that guarded restraint and let people in.

DECK USED:  ETHEREAL VISIONS TAROT

Perspective During Struggle

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused upon mindfulness in everyday behavior.   That is to say… paying attention to your impulse reactions and considering whether they are serving you and your goals or not.

We all do it, yeah?  Jump to a response without considering what we’re saying or where it comes from.  Some are simply aware that we’re doing it (or have done it) than others.  Part of meditation and mindfulness is becoming more cognizant of this behavior and learning from it so that you can become a better person through self-examination and self-actualization.

Eight of Swords - Spacious TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Swords, which is traditionally an indication of both the positive and negative aspects of self-restraint.

What I really see in this card today, though, is more of a Hanged Man perspective.   it has to do with the lone sword off to the side as the others are bound and restrained.

The message in today’s card is that sometimes when you are feeling all tied up in your own thoughts and struggles, it’s a good idea to take a breath and a step back, and try to see the situation from a different perspective.    By doing this, you can often find a different way to look at the situation and resolve any problems in your path.

DECK USED:  SPACIOUS TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: What hard truth did I ignore last year?

Hydra-Nix Tarot

Reading Summary:  That sometimes you have push for the hard choices (Two of Swords) even when you’d rather sit back  and relax (Four of Swords) and stay out of it (The Hermit).

Take Away:  Okay so… sometimes when something is bothering me, instead of trying to deal with it, I will sort of just set it aside and pretend that it doesn’t exist.   A lot of times?  This works.  The problem resolves itself and I didn’t have to freak out about it after all.   The hard truth is, though… that sometimes?  It doesn’t work.  And in those times, having ignored the issue gives it time to grow and/or fester into something ugly and monstrous.

DECK USED:  HYDRA-NIX TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care during this new moon?

Jeremy Miranda Oracle Cards and Faeries' Oracle by Brian Froud

Reading Summary: Too much spark and not enough grounding energy.

Take Away:  From moving out of the gray and into the warmth, to the erratic energy of the Sylph.  Progression along that path will lead to disorganization and confusion.

In other words?  I need to stop allow my attention to flit about. Some of the tasks I need to get done are unpalatable, and some are just downright boring.  But that’s okay.  I’ll feel better for having stayed on task and gotten them done.

DECK USED:  JEREMY MIRANDA ORACLE CARDS and FAERIES’ ORACLE BY BRIAN FROUD

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I overcome setbacks?

Lo Scarabeo Tarot

Reading Summary:  Count your blessings (Ten of Cups), work with others (Two of Cups), and allow for there to be a balance of give and take (Six of Pentacles).

Take Away:  This is the exact same message I got the other day from one of these challenges that asked what was, essentially, the exact same question.   Same cards and everything, if I’m not mistaken.   And honestly?  This really does pick up on one of those things that I have a really hard time with.  That is, allowing others to help.  Not just allowing, to be honest… but even asking for help is often a huge struggle.  And that’s after I’m able to acknowledge I even need it in the first place.

DECK USED:  LO SCARABEO TAROT

 

Double, Double Toil and Trouble

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation that focused on how it’s okay to be kind to yourself about missing meditation practice now and then… and how it is important to not look at your meditation practice as some kind of chore or task.

When it is looked at as a chore or task, then it becomes something you “have” to do, and something you can then more easily resent or get burned out on.  If we instead seek to see meditation as a moment of kindness to ourselves and a “break” from the world at large, then meditation becomes a reprieve and a retreat… something that we feel eager to experience each day.

I needed this advice, and I like the idea of looking at my meditation practice as a retreat and a reprieve from the everyday.

Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means that both cards jumped out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Nine of Swords and the Three of Swords.   Both of these cards themes deal with agonizing over different aspects, and it is that theme that I feel is the message in today’s draw.

The appearance of these cards in today’s draw is a message about being too much in my head and allowing that to take over.  The whole water issue in my building has really got me stressed out and I’m trying to stay calm about it, but especially after the collapse yesterday and the kid getting caught under the debris…. I’m just not dealing well.

Hell, I dreamed about her dying last night and me pulling her dead body out of the debris instead of a live and bawling little girl, traumatized and with broken arm, but otherwise okay.

I’m so lucky that the water didn’t really spread that far into my unit, just a bit in the kitchen, but it seems that the worry over what’s going on next door is really getting to me and I need to relax and let it go.  Everyone is okay… and it’s going to be okay.

DECK USED: THE EFFLORESCENT TAROT (COLOR EDITION)

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I manage or release those expectations and leave room for growth?

Fey TarotReading Summary:  Connect with and rely on others (Two of Cups) rather than trying to “fight this battle alone” (Seven of Wands).

Take Away:  The expectation from yesterday is that working with that new depth of emotion discovered last fall should be easy for me.  It’s not an expectation of the work, but rather an expectation of myself that I should be capable enough to deal with it without issue or problem.   It’s unrealistic, and I know that.

The cards in this read indicate that in order to release those expectations and leave room for growth, I need to accept it is not something I’m going to be able to do on my own, and I need not just be willing to ask for help… but actually do the asking instead of pushing myself to say “I’ve got this” and trying to struggle through it alone.

DECK USED:  FEY TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #4

Golden Art Nouveau Tarot

Reading Summary:  OOPS CRAP… I did Spread #5  So I will interpret this one for today, and then do Spread #4 next week in place of the one I’m doing today.

Card 1 – Too much focus on my business and the focus upon my goals concerning stability and financial independence.

Card 2 – I need to take more time in meditation and personal reflection, so that I can connect deeper and move beyond surface and/or superficial focal points. The tarot has more to offer me than it can provide when limited to those topics.

Card 3 – I try to hard to empower my client during their reading, and that can sometimes cause the message to become diluted and thus do the opposite of what was intended.

Take Away:   When reading for myself… look deeper. Use my meditation as a tool to find those deeper threads and follow them into deeper waters of my life and psyche.  The cards are essentially saying that I’ve fallen into a bit of a rut.

When reading for others, remember that sometimes the message being conveyed needs to be blunt and/or sharp in order to really drill down into the mind of the client.  Sometimes providing explanation does not assist in empowerment, but is a detriment to it.

DECK USED:  GOLDEN ART NOUVEAU TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: What do I need for a successful year?

Lighteater's Tarot

Reading Summary: Impassioned focus upon my goals (Princess of Staves) will overcome adversity (Five of Swords) and allow me to find a more stable center for pursuit of my ambitions (King of Staves), even in times of struggle (Five of Coins).

Take Away:  The things that I want to accomplish this year are going to require going through a good deal of strife and struggle along the way.  In order to succeed and move through these issues, I need to hold tight to my exploratory spark in relation to my passions and work at keeping that spark not just lit and alive, but also stable and controlled.

DECK USED:  LIGHTEATER’S TAROT