Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an interval timer added in for my piriformis stretches.  

The topic of today’s meditation was about closure.  The example used was about romantic relationships, but honestly?  I think the need for closure goes beyond just romantic relationships and can extend to friendships and even acquaintances sometimes. Something said in the meditation about how some people disappear from your life without warning or a trace (triggering in many that need for closure that they didn’t get) brought up a different topic for me.

I am one of those people… one of those friends that sociable people often consider a “bad friend”. I disappear for months at a time… then reappear back in other people’s lives as if no time has passed at all. Sort of like starting a conversation, walking out of the room for an hour, and then just picking the conversation back up exactly where ti was left when you return to the room again.

This is something that a lot of people don’t understand, I’ve found. But honestly? To me? It doesn’t -feel- as if any time has passed. That gap of time and absence? I don’t see it and I don’t realize it’s there.  It’s like, because I think of these friends, sometimes on a daily basis, they are not absent even though I might not be in contact with them. To me, they are still in my life. Still present. (Other times, I just lose time and have no clue that so much time has passed because my memory is missing a few days, weeks, or months. This particular issue is due to a combination of a head injury when I was younger, and mental health fluctuations.)

Today’s draw is is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of trickery, strategy, thievery, betrayal, and all around sneaky shit. Mind you, not all sneaky shit is bad shit.  Being cunning and strategic can be a very good quality… but it is still sneaky shit sometimes.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is not surprising. It’s the hands and what’s within them, the homes in the distance, and the blue shade of the cloak that the figure wears.

What I see in this imagery is a warning that not everything is how it first appears, and you need to be aware and paying attention with that in mind. Some people are guileless and they wear their emotions on their sleeves and intentions on their face. Others… are not like that.  They may appear trustworthy, simple, innocent, easy, innocuous, or friendly. But what lies beneath the surface.

The advice here is that sometimes, we have to look at other’s motivations, even when they appear to be being nice or look completely harmless. Everyone has motivations behind their actions… pay attention to what those motivations might be.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What are you clinging to that can be let go of without repercussion?

Reading Summary: My concern that having a bit of fun (Three of Cups) will distract me from my plans and goals (Two of Wands). It’s okay to take comfort (Four of Wands) in those things that bring me pleasure (imagery in the Queen of Wands).

Take Away: This is the influence of my father and how his voice managed to integrate into my inner narrative and make a home there.  It’s the concept that that anything that’s fun can’t possibly be productive or useful because you’re supposed to buckle down and work, be serious and focus to your goals, and not allow “frivilous things” to distract you.

I know that voice is wrong, and I know it’s harmful. I’ve never really considered that I “cling” to it before, but I think in some ways I do… because it seems like the path to stability and security. But on closer reflection, it may get you to stability and security, but at what cost to your health and happiness?

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DIVINE MASCULINE

 

I spent all evening and night in play with Gideon today and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.  I didn’t do even a shred of work other than searching for a bin of charms I’d somehow thought I’d misplaced.  I discovered that instead, what happened is I was exhausted when I had the bin out before (along with a different one) and I accidentally put the charms back into the wrong bin.  I suppose that discovering this could also be self care, since as soon as I found those charms, I felt much better.  I was having a bit of an anxiety issue over the whole thing.