Spiritual Nourishment

Today’s meditation was interrupted. The workers came to get the wall patched in my kitchen where they’d had to open it up behind the stove to dry out the inside of the wall from back when I had that water leak in the attic.  They got the drywall up and plastered or… whatever it’s called.   I guess they’re coming back tomorrow to paint and someone else is taking care of the bit of flooring that had to be torn up.   Anyway, they interrupted, so I will need to try again tonight before bed.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Ace of CupsToday’s draw is my current STALKER CARD.   Yes, I have been being chased by the Ace of Cups for a good couple of weeks now, and it seems to be getting more and more prevalent over the last few days.   Traditionally, the Ace of Cups is a representation of new beginnings, the seed of a start, the first tiny spark of life.   It is about love and new relationships, and the whispering beginnings of creativity coming to life.

What speaks strongest to me in this card today is all the water.  All the water… and the communion wafer (host).  In Christianity, the host is seen as symbolism of spiritual nourishment that provides healing, sent by the Holy Ghost (in the form of a dove) .  This speaks to me of spirituality and healing.  Although I am not Christian (and never have been), that wafer and the dove that carries it still contains that symbolism of spirituality and healing for me more often than not.  Interestingly enough, my focus in the card today is not on the dove, though… but instead specifically on the host.

In this instance, the water in this card also speaks to me of spirituality.  It speaks to me of one’s intuition and inner sense of well-being. It is… that sense of one’s intuition and moral compass when everything is just exactly right and how it should be.

The message in today’s card is one of encouragement.  It is a reminder of the growth that I am going through emotionally at this time, and how that emotional growth will connect in with my intuition… creating growth and adjustments in that area as well.   This new level of emotional depth I’m learning to experience and understand will not hinder or lessen my intuitive voice.  Instead, the card indicates that it will do the opposite, allowing the waters of my intuition to flow more freely as the emotional growth brings about healing and more unity between emotion and intuition.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: What does my body want me to know at this time?

Sun and Moon Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m not taking very good care of my physical body right now (Three of Swords) and I need to get back on the horse (Prince of Swords) so that it can feel renewed physically, which will also help me in feeling renewed internally as well.

Take Away:  What is there more to say that isn’t said above?  When you feel good physically, you feel good emotionally and mentally too.   When you treat your body like crap, it starts to drag on your mental and emotional health.  My body is telling me that it feels neglected… and I need to get back on the ball.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Philosophical Question – Do I think that everyone’s life is of equal value?

Mythical Creatures TarotReading Summary: Yes (Ace of Cups), but there are always going to be consequences (Five of Wands) to ones actions (Four of Coins Rx).   Honestly, the consequences could easily be the Four of Coins and the actions the Five of Wands.  Either order, it’s pretty much saying the same thing in this instance.

Take Away:  The Ace of Cups indicates that the answer is ultimately yes.  Everyone’s life is of equal value, because it’s not about what you do or don’t do or what you contribute to the world or don’t.  It’s about love.  Everyone deserves love… with love comes equality among men.   So yes.    The two cards with it, though, speak of actions and consequences.  A life is a life, but if you squander what you have and lose that life as a consequence, it means that you didn’t value it.  Not that it isn’t of value… but that you’ve chosen to squander that value instead of cherishing it and preserving it.


: How can I overcome the fear that my new ‘normal’ will bring?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: Reevaluation (Four of Feathers) of responsibilities (Queen of Rocks). Torch the old plan (The Tower) and start anew in the ashes (The Fool).

Take Away:  The Fool has a strength all his own in the innocence and enthusiasm he represents. It is not seasoned and hard and jaded, but is bright and fresh, bursting with curiosity and eager enthusiasm. Use that.

This is another encouragement to make sure I’m not falling back into old habits as things start to return to some semblance of “normal” again.  It speaks of the need to reevaluate my habits and how I handle my responsibilities, and find a new way of structuring these things that will allow for more room, more enthusiasm, and more enjoyment.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I manage my fear of being alone?

The Fountain Tarot

Reading Summary: Remember that even when things are changing (Death), you still possess that core inner strength (Strength) that makes you who you are (The Hierophant)… which includes being an anchor for others that enjoy your company and look up to you (Hierophant under the Three of Cups).

Take Away:  The reminder in this cards about being who I am and that strength that I possess is a reminder that I will never be alone.  Although I do not draw people like bees to honey as some do, I have a charm all my own that pulls in those that can appreciate those things that make me unique in my own way.



My Love Is Like The Moon

IMG_4392Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused upon dealing with difficult people with patience and kindness.  The meditation started out with a full body scan and slow breathing exercise, before there was a length of quiet in the center to sink into one’s mindfulness and relaxation.

At the end, there was then a short discussion on how when people are behaving badly and in a difficult manner, it’s important to remember that the majority of the time this happens is because of the inner wounds these people are dealing with, or the fears that they are hiding away behind that mask of distasteful behavior.

Sometimes we forget that a lot of times?  The face that people present to the world is not their true selves.  Sometimes that dick at grocery store that gets aggressive about wearing a mask is really a scared little boy that was powerless and squashed under the boots of others fighting back against being told what to do once again.

Sometimes that craggy old woman that lives on the third floor and glares at you in the elevator every day is really just so tired of giving all of her time and energy to others that she can’t handle even one more straw on her back… and is worried you may be that straw if she allows you to speak to her.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - King of CupsToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s relationships, emotions, intuition, and creativity.  This often communicates as themes to do with diplomacy and empathetic leadership, as well being an indication of emotional balance and/or having a strong but compassionate nature.

When drawing this card today, what stood out most strongly to me in the imagery of this card is the full moon in the background and the heron.

The full moon holds significance in the power that it holds.  When the moon is full, it’s at its peak power and it is a draw to the eye and energies of all.  It possesses a gravitational pull over the waters of our planet that is the influence behind our ocean’s tides.

The blue heron in this card also stood out strongly to me.  The symbology of the heron is one of watchful peace.  They are a creature that can stand in stillness for hours on end, aware of every little ripple and movement around them as they linger in their chosen spot.

What I see in today’s card is you.  You are my moon. You are my blue heron.   You are that for so many, actually, and you don’t even realize it.   Your magnetism is like the full moon.  You naturally draw people to you, not with your mind but with the blend of your heart and your strength.  They are drawn to that inner quality that puts others at ease while making it safe to stand in your shadow, out of the too bright rays of the sun.

The message in today’s card is a reminder of you… a reminder of the safety you provide, as well as the balm upon the emotions you are just by being you.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: How can I better embrace and love the shadow parts of myself?

Spirit Song Tarot

Reading Summary: Here, again, I’ve gotten all birds in what is very much not an all-bird deck.  This represents that the answer in these cards has to do with my spiritual path through the emotions (both shell cards) and encouraging a lack of judgements (Awakening Rx).

Take Away:  Shadow work.  This is about taking the time to reach out to that shadow side and do some soul searching concerning what makes that side feel as it does and helping it to see all that there is to feel grateful about.  It’s about the emotional aspects of my shadow self and allowing room for those emotions to be expressed and set free.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Where do I need to ‘step up’ in my life and do better?

Tarot FaunaReading Summary: You haven’t been doing your best (Eight of Feathers Rx) to balance your emotional side (King of Shells) with your responsibilities (Two of Rocks) lately.

Take Away:  In this case, not doing my best refers to turning a blind eye to the ongoing effort needed to keep these two elements in balance and not let my responsibilities overtake the emotional side of things and force it all back into a box. 

If I don’t make a concentrated effort to create that balance and prioritize the emotional part of myself, I will fall into old habits and let that side end up “buried in the back yard” again.  This past week has made that very clear, as I sort of lost my grip on that balance, as a result my responsibilities and my tendency to lean into that side of things took control and upset the very carefully balanced apple cart I’d had going on.


: How can I use this time more effectively and for my greatest good?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Everyone in each of these cards is facing left (thus the reason I did not turn the Knight upright) and is looking down into their what they value most.  The imagery here speaks of taking time to linger (Knight Rx) in these things that I value most and examine how I have dealt with these things in the past (everyone facing left)… and evaluate how to deal with them moving forward (Page and Ace).

Take Away:  Like yesterday, this is a reading that is echoing and expanding on the reading before it.   This is about shadow work and examining my past in order to find the weeds in my emotional well-being that need pulled out to make room for more healthy behaviors, both concerning my emotional side as well as how I relate to money and my constant need for stability in the physical world.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I give more to a relationship than I should?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary:  This reading refers to the “stuck” dynamic I have with my mother (EIght of Cups Rx), and how every time I try to start over with her anew (Ace of Pentacles) I end up with her trampling on my heart (Knight of Cups) and bleeding for the effort (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  The Eight of Cups in this reading was Rx, and I am the dragonfly held in place by the hands that should be loving but are instead restrictive and demanding. The cards in this relationship are pointing out a pattern where I try again and again to find that mother figure I desire from a source incapable of providing that for me due to their own selfish pursuits.



Keeping a Healthy Balance

IMG_4189Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was focused upon listening to one’s intuition.   In the meditation, the guide encouraged finding the seat of your intuition and how it speaks to you.   Many people find that the seat of their intuition is “in their gut”.  Others find it is in a twinge at the back of their neck, or the raising of hairs on their arms.

For me, the seat of my intuition resides behind my solar plexus.  It speaks to me throughout my entire body, communicating through sensations and physical touches to my senses, and yet at its core it resides in that spot at my solar plexus.  It lives there, and when I consult my intuition, it’s there I reach.

In today’s meditation, the encouragement to find the seat of your intuition was followed by the benefits of fostering that voice and empowering it to grow by listening to it and following its guidance.  The more you follow your intuition, the more it will speak and the louder it will become.  That was essentially the lesson within today’s guided meditation which is very much the same message that I explain to my students when teaching intuitive tarot reading.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - The DevilToday’s draw is the Devil card of the Major Arcana.  This card is traditionally read as an indication of temptations, addictions, obsessions, and other themes that have to do with self-destruction through indulgence.

What stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card is the Aralia spinosa bush that sits behind the wolf.  This plant is called the “Devil’s Walking Stick” and it is very apt for the card as it is very easily to be mistaken for Elderberry. One that reaches for the berries and familiar with Elderberry might find an unpleasant surprise when the plant seems to then attack them and try to rip then to shreds with prickly thorns and spines not just on the stems but on the leaves as well. This connotation speaks to me of the need to take care, as something that might seem harmless is putting you in danger.

The tilt of the wolf’s head in the imagery is another element that stands out to me today, which appears to my perceptions to be far more watchful than ominous.  The wolf is an indication of one’s intuitive nature and deep inner knowing.   The watchful posture says that if I want to find what it is that is hiding behind an innocuous appearance in my life, I will need to use my intuition to suss it out.

The positive message here in this card is one of awareness and encouragement to reassess.    It’s time to do a bit of weeding in order to open space to breathe, and I am encouraged to use my intuition to reveal those things that are not serving me or look harmless but are potentially detrimental.  I have an addictive personality, and it’s important to stay self aware and on top of things to keep a healthy balance in my life between pleasure and responsibility.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: How can I bring more of that fulfillment into my daily life?

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle

Intuitive Interpretation:  De-tangle (Mercury) and piece together (Ara) in order to reach for your passion (Scorpius).

Okay, so the interpretations above are off the imagery alone.  I tried looking at the info in the guide book for this deck, as astrology isn’t a strong suit of mine, but although the explanations of the cards made perfect sense, they didn’t read for me that way… probably because I’m so used to reading intuitively off imagery that it’s the way the deck chose to speak to me, regardless of my intention to actually read the guide with this deck.

That said?  The guide is excellent and very interesting.  It just doesn’t apply to this reading.

Take Away:   This reading is about all of the ideas that I have concerning the classes I’m teaching on the Discord server.   I have a lot of ideas, and where at first they are tangled up in each other, what I find when I begin to write them out and untangle them is that there is enough material for not just one class, but a series of them.   So the idea unfurls (Mercury) and then they get pieced back together into a series of classes (Ara) on topics I love and love to share with others (Scorpius).  I’ve had this experience twice now, and the cards are saying that I need to have a little faith in this process instead of always worrying that I’m going to run out of ideas.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I better express to my loved ones how I feel about them?

Herbal TarotSarsaparilla symbolizes the ability to express your emotions to others, which combined with the Knight of Cups indicates that I shouldn’t expect my loved ones to just know how I feel and should take the time and effort to actually speak to them about how I feel.

Plantain is essentially a “decongestant” of the spirit, allowing for places where someone is feeling stuck to be eased and let go of. When combined with Justice, this speaks of providing guidance to my loved ones to assist them in finding the right path for them.

Trillium‘s symbolism lies within the “good stuff” in life that makes life worth living. The Three of Cups is combined with Trillium in this card, speaking about that “good stuff” having to do with family and friends, and spending quality time with them.

Mullein is a spiritual cleanser that allows the opening up of the lungs in order to circulate in positive energy through the breath and release negative energy on the exhale.  The combination of this herb with the Four of Swords speaks of taking time, as well, for the self in order to rest.  This rest is not about reflection, but rather about restoration and recovery.

Take Away:  I can better express to my loved ones how I feel about them by being open about my feelings and, instead of simply guiding them, spend some quality time with them enjoying their company as well.  The cards also remind me that I have a need for a certain amount of alone time and that it’s a requirement for my self care, and that I will better enjoy the time I spend with my loved ones if I tend to that need.


: What is the biggest challenge that I will face this month?

Tarot of the 78 Doors

Reading Summary: Financial uncertainty (King of Chalices Rx) brought about by making a long term choice (The Lovers) taking me down a path of in sharing the wealth that has the opposite effect upon my situation (Ten of Chalices Rx). My mother subsequently letting me have it for having done so (Queen of Swords).

Take Away: Thank you for the warning.  I’ll make damned sure to practice being especially miserly this month.   Honestly?  I’m way too hard on myself to want to deal with listening to my mother call me an idiot.  She has a sharp as fuck tongue and I’d rather just… not.

The opportunity to “contribute” to some cause, beneficial or otherwise, hasn’t really reared its head yet this month, but I’m going to be damn sure to keep an eye out for it.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What unrealistic expectations have I placed on myself?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: I’m too harsh in my self judgements (Judgement) concerning bad calls/decisions/choices (Two of Feathers Rx) concerning the handling of financial matters and resources (Knight of Rocks). Ease up. You can only work with what is available to you (Temperance).

Take Away:  I think the spider in its web is a really good image for this reading, as it comes down to that tangled and sticky web of habit and constant judgement against the self, yes?  It’s something I fall into and get caught up in again and again.   The reading here is about not being so hard on myself about shit I have no control over.   Sometimes I fall into grousing over missed opportunities that weren’t really opportunities within my reach in the first place.

As a hypothetical example, say that you want to apply for a credit card with certain benefits, but you have to have a personal income of $100K to even apply, which is nowhere near your income bracket.  Then later down the road something happens and you’re kicking yourself for not having that credit card. There was no way you were ever going to get that card, even if you’d applied for it, but somehow you’re beating yourself up over not having it anyway.

The cards are essentially telling me to focus on what I can control, and let go of the rest.


Do What You Can

Today’s meditation was non-existent.   I struggled with sleep last night, and every time I’ve closed my eyes since, the dreams from last night have slipped back in to cause anxiety and nausea.   Unfortunately, that includes when I tried to close my eyes today to do my meditation.  SO… yeah.  No.

I may try again when I go to bed here in a bit.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - King of WandsToday’s draw is the King of Wands, which traditionally is interpreted as a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of one’s drive, ambitions, passions, and passion projects.   This often presents itself in themes that deal with being a natural born leader and having entrepreneurial vision.

When I first saw this card, the first thing that came to mind was “Wow, that’s one hell of a phallic symbol”.   I mean… you know. The second thought that came to mind had nothing to do with penises at all (regardless of the phrasing) but was the phrase “large and in charge” along with the imagery (in my mind) of the King of Wands in the Tarot of the Hidden Realm.

To be honest, usually when there are plants in a deck, it’s the plants that stand out first for me, but today… the tulip poplars barely register at all.  It’s all about that phallic symbol at the center.   The message in today’s card is that even if you’re tired, you still have shit to do.  Get the important stuff done and make the “executive decision” to leave the rest for when you can focus more clearly upon the tasks left behind.


#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
: How can I celebrate that, and myself, lovingly?

The TaRat Rat Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Remain open to the fact that I need self care, and allow myself passion and enthusiasm for the process.   The presence of so many cups makes it clear that I’m on the right track with my self care and the efforts I’m making to incorporate more self care and emotional aspects of myself into my life.  The warning here is simply that I need to take care not to loose my enthusiasm for the process and make sure I’m staying mindful so that I am making good choices.


#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
: Nature vs Nurture – Which has had more influence in forming the person that I am today?

Spiritsong TarotReading Summary: Nature (Ten of Crystals).  Because the nurturing aspect growing up was severely lacking (Page of Crystals and The Tower).

Take Away: I don’t talk about my childhood all that much, and for very good reason.  My father spent my entire youth from around the age of five until the day he passed when I was in my 20s berating me and battering me emotionally and psychologically… as well as encouraging the rest of my family to do the same.  I was his greatest disappointment, something he made sure I would never forget.

And yet, even throughout that onslaught, I continued to tread my own path.  I knew what I liked and where my preferences lied.  I never once struggled with the “peer pressure” that he drilled into me throughout each and every day.

Yes, Z came into my life when I was ten and she presented me with the nurturing I needed… but that stalwart determined focus on what was right for me and unwilling to be swayed from it?  That was there years before Z ever entered the picture.   I think what Z did wasn’t so much change what was already there, but more like “align my wheels on the tracks” of the path that my feet were already trying to follow.


: How can I better understand and absorb the knowledge that you can’t always move on to something better and instead sometimes have to make the best out of a bad situation?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: Gratitude for loved ones (Ten of Shells) and staying busy (Ace of Torches). When bad things happen or things aren’t going your way (Wheel of Fortune Rx), you need to make the choice to lean into those themes (The Lovers).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that these times when the bad situation can’t be escaped, it’s time to turn to those things you can be grateful for and those projects that can keep you interested and busy.  Leaning into this gratitude and these activities help to sustain you through the struggle and strife of those bad times, allowing you to find a positive space among the negativity of the situation.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What am I holding onto from the past?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of losing control (King of Chalices Rx The Chariot) and falling into destitution and desperation (Five of Coins).

Okay!   So just saying but this deck communicates in a very interesting and different way than most decks I’ve ever worked with.   It’s like…. using the grammar of a different language than English.

Ie:  What color is the cup?
English: “The Cup is Red”   vs.   This Deck: “Red is the Cup”

Take Away:  Once upon a time I was homeless.  After I had emancipated from my parents, my support system I had used to obtain that freedom fell through and I lived for a time through couch surfing and sleeping in a car (among a few other places).   Anyway, that experience and that undependable feeling of life during that time has been a huge motivation for me as I moved forward out of that situation and into a more stable life and living situation.

But, the cards indicate (and are absolutely right) that I have not let go of the fear of losing control and returning back to that uncertain way of life.