nine of Pentacles

Conscious Gratitude

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IMG_8021Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was another guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The topic of today’s meditation was about one’s inner narrative.  That is to say, it was about how you talk to yourself in your head.  Not just what you say, but the tone in which you say it. Are you berating and cruel to yourself with that inner voice? Or are you kind and nurturing?

It brought up a story that these guided meditations have brought up before, last time concerning a different topic.  The story of the Two Wolves, which is about feeding the wolf within you that you want to grow strong.  Do you want the cruel and savage voice that tears you down and picks you apart to grow strong?  Or do you want the inner voice that fosters your well-being and supports you to grow strong?   The one you give the most air-time in your head is the one that grows strong…. so make sure you’re feeding the right wolf.

Tarot de Mona Lisa - Nine of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of success, independence, and gratitude for the abundance in one’s life.

What really stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the bird.  Not just do the colors really draw my eye, but so too does the coin the bird offers to the woman. What this symbolizes to me is that sometimes our fortune is given rather than toiled for.   Sometimes it is earned through trust and support and connection with others rather than through our own labor.

The message here is that no mater where our bounty comes from, it’s important to practice gratitude.  To pay attention and be grateful rather than taking the boon for granted, or its source for granted either. Mindfulness is important.  Saying thank you is important.  Taking time to just enjoy and remind yourself how fortunate you are is important. Don’t take what you have for granted or it may not stick around and continue to be so generous.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MONA LISA

#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my greatest strength that is currently hidden from me?

Touchstone TarotReading Summary:  The ability to see into and understand (The High Priestess) the motivations of others (Seven of Swords), and the ability to bring positive influences and pleasure (The Star) into the contentment of home (Four of Wands) can bolster the endeavors your driven to accomplish (King of Wands).

Take Away: This is about the greatest strengths that are hidden within me and how they can support my ambitions and goals.

The ability to understand other’s motivations is something I want to have, but something that is, in many cases, still undeveloped.  It is something I delve into often, though.  Something I seek out the counsel of others about in order to get a chance to see other perspectives and better wrap my mind around why people do and say the things they do and what the motivations behind those words and actions might be.  I have not really thought about how I could use this skill to further my own personal goals and ambitions, but maybe this is something I need to look into in more detail.

The ability to bring trust and positivity into the contentment of home life is also something I would not have normally considered in relation to my goals and ambitions.   I see how it could affect and support them, though.  Especially as I run a home business.  A business that those that live with me contribute to.

DECK USED:  TOUCHSTONE TAROT

Accolades To The Self

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IMG_7720Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer to allow for my piriformis stretches. 

The topic of today’s meditation was about checking our expectations in order to assure you do not create repeated situations of disappointment.  This is something that I have been doing my entire life and, I suspect, is something that the majority of pessimists do regularly.

Interestingly enough… even with this precaution in place?  There is one place where I am continually finding myself disappointed and caught in expectations that… I didn’t really think were unrealistic and yet have been proven to be again and again.   That area would be… people.

I am taken by surprise and disappointed in this area so many times when it comes to people and their common sense, their intelligence, their respect of others or the earth, their ability to empathize, their lack of awareness…  The list goes on.  People… somehow even my low expectations are often just too lofty.   As I’ve aged, the bar has dropped more and more, and yet is never low enough it seems.

Tarot of the Little Prince - Nine of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is traditionally an indication of taking stock and enjoying the fruits of your labors.  It is about appreciation and accomplishment, and the pride of a job well done.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the boy’s fist in the air.  It creates a sense of celebration in this card, indicating that his accomplishments are something that he is elated about.

I also note that, unlike in many Nine of Pentacles cards, he is not alone.  He is accompanied by a lamb that appears to gaze up at him in admiration, perhaps helping to reinforce for him his sense of accomplishment.

The message here in today’s card is about appreciating your own accomplishments, and doing so regardless of who looks on or what their opinions may be on the matter.  If you can’t take pride in your own work and triumphs, no amount of praise or adoration is going to get you there.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Mercury Question: What can I learn from my Mercury Zodiac placement?

The Multi-Stabber Tarot

Reading Summary: To not tolerate (Six of Swords) what doesn’t work for me (The Sun Rx), when there is so much out there that could suit me better (The Universe).

Take Away:  There’s definitely a lot that I already do not tolerate and am willing to shed when it doesn’t work for me.  The thing is, though?  There is also plenty that I have not yet managed to shed. Much of these things have to do with my upbringing and the negative inner narrative that has spawned from that time in my life.  The cards indicate that having Mercury in Taurus is an element of my chart that could help me in learning to let go of these things and find a better path that is more suited to me personally.

DECK USED:  MULTI-STABBER TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Self care I need right now for the…. Mind / Body / Spirit

Edgar Allan Poe TarotSelf Care I Need Right Now For The Mind

The World is a reminder that everything is going to be okay. The world moves on and life moves on, and even when things are sometimes difficult, that too is temporary.

Self Care I Need Right Now For The Body

The Wheel of Fortune reminds me that I need to stay grounded. Don’t step to the edge of the wheel where the spin is felt more severely. Instead, remain as close to the center as possible, so that the pull and chaos of the spin does not affect your body and life so strongly.

Self Care I Need Right Now For The Spirit

The Page of Pentacles atop The Magician indicates that new tools are coming my way. I need to make sure that I claim them for myself instead of ignoring them, as they will help in manifesting what I want to bring into reality once I have learned to use them well.

DECK USED:  EDGAR ALLAN POE TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question: What hidden aspect of myself would be better exposed for the world?

Mary El Tarot 1st Edition

Reading Summary: My ability to share the heart’s truth (Queen of Cups) during times when people are most open and receptive to healing words (Four of Swords) that will guide them into making the choices that are best for them (The Lovers).

Take Away:  Gideon has mentioned this on numerous occasions. That sometimes I come out with a seemingly random (or not random but unexpected) little nugget of thought during a conversation with people, that to these other people is groundbreaking and speaks to their heart, opening them up to something they hadn’t realized was possible.  I don’t know when I’m doing this… and don’t realize notice when it happens.  But I’ve had people occasionally come back and tell me about these moments.

DECK USED:  MARY EL TAROT 1ST EDITION

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I feel happiest with myself?

Elemental Tarot

Reading Summary: When I am in control and in my element (The Chariot) sharing my knowledge with others (The Hierophant), and guiding them toward making the decisions in life that are best for them (The Lovers).

Take Away:  Yes… I am a control freak.  I admit it.  I need my independence, I need my autonomy, and I absolutely need to be in control of my own life.   I also love sharing my knowledge with others, as well as helping them in not just learning the things they want to learn, but in helping them in finding the path that is best suited for them.  Whether done in small ways or large, I also learn during this process… as well as finding it very rewarding besides.

DECK USED:  ELEMENTAL TAROT

Reaping and Direction

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IMG_6550Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation with interval timer again.  My stretches today were a bit stiff, which I suppose shouldn’t be a surprise since I missed my medication yesterday, which means the pirifomis stretches didn’t get done.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about how meditation does not necessarily mean sitting in complete physical stillness.  It is about being still on the inside.  It’s about finding a quiet inner peace for those ten or fifteen or thirty minutes of our meditation practice, so that when we need it elsewhere in our day we have experience with it so that we can reach inside and find it again more easily.

Botan Tarot - Nine of CoinsToday’s draw is the Nine of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of fulfillment on an independent level in the area of one’s finances, resources, home, health, and manifestations.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card are a couple of different elements.  First, the scythe and beside it? The compass that hangs there as one of the coins on the right hand side.

These elements speak to me of the reaping that is a part of how one reaches the level of satisfaction and fulfillment that this card is about, and about the security of knowing that you have a direction that you’re moving in, and that you’re comfortable with.

Both of these elements are very important (at least to me) in finding a level of true fulfillment concerning my home life, work life, and my accomplishments. The scythe represents work and is about the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a job well done.  It’s the difference between having something of value handed to you… or actually earning it with sweat and tears.   It holds so much more value in the end when you earn it.

The message in today’s cards is to take stock of those things you’ve earned, and value them as well as the direction that they have lent to your path that allows you to feel the security of solid ground under your feet with each new step you take along the way.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question: Where is my heart heavy?

Dragon Age Inquisition Tarot

Reading Summary: Dependable hardworking sensibilities (Queen of Coins) directed towards my new focus and goals (Ace of Staves). It’s coming up fast (The Chariot) and I have to bite the bullet and bear down on a direction (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  I don’t feel ready to set aside the growth and inner work that has been my focus so far throughout this year in order to move into the holiday preparations and holiday rush that’s coming. The thing is, though, that I have no choice in the matter if I want the holiday rush to go smoothly and turn out well.  I need to do the responsible thing and be prepared, whether I really want to change gears or not. 

DECK USED:  DRAGON AGE INQUISITION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Your Personal Pain / A Healing Action To Take / Possible Positive Outcome

Wiener Secession TarotYour Personal Pain – The Fool and Eight/Three of Spades -Weighing responsibility over the joy of playing the fool. This was touched upon in my reading for the Zentember challenge today as well. It has to do with feeling an inner reluctance to move away from the growth and exploration I’ve been doing over the year so far, and moving into the hard and fast responsibilities involved in preparing for the holiday rush and then riding it out when it arrives. I’m trying to not allow myself to think that having been kind to myself and going easy on myself over the spring and summer hasn’t made me lazy… but honestly?  It kinda feels like it has. And those thoughts bring with it a strong sense of disappointment in myself.

A Healing Action To Take – Queen of Spades – Instead of burying these worries or hiding from them, I need to actually listen to them with understanding and offer myself solutions that can incorporate both the responsibilities of my work along with the needs of that softer inner self. At first thought, there doesn’t feel like a lot of options here, but I think that might be my pessimism rearing it’s ugly head. 

Possible Positive Outcome – King of Spades – If I can find a way to both find as well as sustain a balance between the work I need to do and giving myself that freedom I’ve become used to and now don’t want to lose, there’s a good chance I will be able to develop a stronger interconnection allowing for clearer site that is unclouded by these issues.

Take Away – I’m not seeing the whole picture and because of it I’m feeling a sense of loss that isn’t necessary. I need to find a way to take off the blindfold that is keeping me from seeing possible solutions open to me. Finding and enacting these solutions will bring a stronger foundation to both my work, my emotional growth, and my self care along with a greater clarity on how to juggle these things in a healthy and successful way.

DECK USED:  WIENER SECESSION TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question: Something that I’m stubbornly holding onto that I need to let go of?

Science Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of the unknown (Wheel of Fortune).  Let go of that fear and see it as an adventure (Knight of Wands), and a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you (The World).

Take Away:  Meh… yeah.  I completely agree with this.  I do struggle with the unknown quite a bit. I feel so certain and strong on my spiritual path and life path, that when elements of the unknown crop up it makes me feel like there’s a big inky black sink hole in the middle of my path.

I know that seeing these moments as an adventure is a terrific way to get through this fear, and that in doing so it opens up a vast world of opportunities and possibilities… but sometimes it’s really hard to take those moments as an adventure, no matter how hard I try.

Side note:  The Schrodinger’s Cat card in this deck is one of my favorite cards in this deck.

DECK USED:  SCIENCE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I love myself more?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary: When you actually do your work (Three of Stones) instead of fucking around, and get it done (The Chariot), you feel a sense of accomplishment (Six of Wands) and inspiration to do more (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  Oooph.  Okay so today’s readings are all about my work, my business, and about gearing up for the holiday rush. This makes sense, but it’s definitely a noticeable thread through my personal readings today.

Okay, anyway.  The answer to one of the ways that I can love myself more is to actually do my work instead of procrastinating or putting it off.   When I actually do my work, I lay the groundwork for self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment to bolster my self image as well as my mood, which in turn lights my inner spark for new inspirations to take fire.

DECK USED:  HAINDL TAROT

Taking Time For Gratitude

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IMG_6190Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   The guided part of the meditation was about support.  Specifically, about asking for support from those around you when you need it, and accepting help when it’s offered instead of turning it away out of pride or other misguided emotions.

This is something in myself that I’ve been doing a lot of work with this year.  I struggle with asking for help, and to be honest?  I feel like I’m supposed to be able to do everything my damned self.  So when I then ask for help it’s not so much a blow to my pride as a consternation of a job not well done.   Add on top of that the feeling of inconveniencing others with what I consider to be my responsibilities and… yeah.

But, in working on restructuring how I deal with my responsibilities, I have been trying to ask for help more, and accept it whenever it is offered instead of waving it off with gratitude.

Hush Tarot - Nine of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is a representation of independence combined with taking stock of what you have.  This is about self-sufficiency, as well as gratitude for the abundance you have in your life and what you have accomplished.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card is the woman herself and the feathers that she wears.  This is because the woman looks very similar to a character in a movie I watched recently.  I’ve tried all damned day to try and remember the name of the movie, but it just isn’t coming to me.  The thing is, though…. this woman?  Is the spitting image of that one.  I couldn’t get the comparison out of my head.

As today is self care Saturday, I feel that this card today isn’t about the imagery so much about the meaning of the card itself.  It’s about not allowing the pessimism and negative inner dialog to grab hold.  It’s an encouragement to count my blessings and focus upon  gratitude for the abundances in my life.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What am I ignoring that needs rooted out and dealt with?

20th Century TarotReading Summary: The go-get’em push of passion and drive (Knight of Wands) clobbering emotional wealth (King of Cups).

Hope (The Star) overshadowing despair (Three of Swords) and allowing that hope to lean into the innocent enthusiasm of youth (The Fool).

The three cards at the end are (yet again) about moving carefully and taking care (Knight of Pentacles) as I choose my battles (Five of Cups).   The advice here being not to allow naivete and foolishness to overcome my  caution (the two cards atop The Fool).

Take Away: This deck has a really interesting way of speaking.

The answer to what needs rooted out and dealt with is my impulsivity and negativity.  The cards here (rightly) indicate that there are times when these two things feed off of each other and create disappointing or even heartbreaking situations that could otherwise have been avoided with a bit of caution and restraint.  Taking your time at something isn’t a bad thing, no matter how much it sometimes feels like it should be.

DECK USED:  20TH CENTURY TAROT

The Ant and The Grasshopper

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IMG_4015Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and was attached to the end of my yoga practice.   I had read the quote pictured in this blog post prior to going into my yoga practice, and it stuck with me through the practice and into the meditation.

It had me considering some of those people I have met in life that have appeared cold to me, and how I often come off to others as cold and distant.  You have told me in the past that these people just haven’t had the chance to get to know me, but the fact is?  Should they need to get to know me to know that I’m not cold and distant? Should they need to get to know me in order to realize I, too, have feelings?

And yet, that impression?  Is mine.   That distance is created by me, whether it’s to protect myself or to protect them from the depression and vicious negativity I direct toward myself… or both.

Just the meandering path of my mind during that time… something to share.

Nine of Oak - Nine of Pentacles - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is is the Nine of Oak (Nine of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of solitary accomplishment.  That is to say, it represents that time at the end of a journey where you have accomplished your goal and find yourself in a place of abundance.   During this time, there is a moment when you enjoy that abundance on your own before moving on to sharing it with others.   The Nine of Pentacles is that moment of enjoyment and wealth that comes prior to the “sharing the wealth”.

What I actually see today in the imagery of this card, though, isn’t that moment… but the moment that comes just before it.   In the imagery of this card I see the moment when you are counting your resources and tucking things away, storing up and preparing.  The squirrel and the squirrel child here are not wallowing in their wealth and reflecting on how well they’ve done.  They are not in a moment of contentment and satiation.  But they are headed in that direction.

The message here is one of encouragement.  A reminder that I am doing well and the preparations I have made over time to create a sense of stability and security are going to pay off when I need them to.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to remind myself of the hand my spirit guides play in my life? (built off yesterday’s cards)

Isidore Tarot

Reading Summary: Listen to and trust your intuition (The Priestess) instead of allowing the brain to overcome (Five of Swords) and steal away (Seven of Swords) the surety and comfort (King of Cups) that being in touch with that inner voice creates.

Take Away:  Like most people, my brain loves.. loves to cast doubt.  And in finding that connection to my spirit guides that I’ve been seeking?  That is the biggest hurdle to traverse. As connected as I am to my intuition, it’s still extremely hard to keep my brain from stepping in to cast doubts on what doesn’t feel quite fully manifested as yet.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my superpower?

Maruco Animal TarotReading Summary: Having a clear head (Queen of Swords) and an open mind (Page of Swords) while taking control (The Emperor) of any situation that requires flexibility and adaptation (Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away:  Perhaps this skill is because I have spent so much of my life suppressing my emotions, but when situations require a clear head, this is not something I usually struggle with.   The emotions turn off, and my brain kicks it up a notch. 

This is actually something I’ve been a bit worried about, when considering the new level of emotions and openness to my emotions that I’ve been slowly exploring and developing over time.  There is always that bit of worry that that objective, clearheaded intellect will become clouded by emotion and damage my ability to step back and see multiple perspectives without the pollution of bias getting in the way.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I become more self loving?

Fairy Lights Tarot

Reading Summary: Work on taking more chances (Left Card) and entertain less self recrimination (Middle Card) and self doubt (Right Card).

The imagery in the left card gives me the impression of swinging from a branch over a cliff, and it reminds me of those swings kids use to swing out over swimming holes and jump.  Sometimes? Taking chances leads to adventure and joyous moments that you can’t find any other way.

In the middle card, the posture of the figures in the center speaks to me of shame and a feeling of defense from attack.   This impression is strengthened by the darkness of the shadows of their robes.

The moon in the right card frowns down upon the figures along the path.  While some bound forward toward that judging visage, others hold back, unsure and fearful.  The red and orange colors in this card also blend into that of the center card, indicating  a connection… a similarity of emotion between the two.

Take Away:  If I want to be more self loving, I need to let go of my self recriminations, my hesitations, and my self doubt.  Instead of allowing these moments to fill my life, I need to leap at the chance to grab hold of the opportunities for joy and revel in the fun that comes with new adventures.

DECK USED:  FAIRY LIGHTS TAROT

Untying Inner Knots

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IMG_3218Today’s meditation was just over sixteen minutes long and focused upon the Adrian Corday post that is included here in this blog post.   I found that quote on Instagram, and it really struck home.

I felt that it was important to take some time to count my blessings and really focus in on what I have that is good in my life right now.   What’s good in my life includes that my sister and I are safe and that Z is here and safe as well.   No, none of us can know if we’re infected or not since it can take up to 14 days to show symptoms after infection… but we’re safe and we’re good and after a tip given to me by a friend on YouTube in the morning today?  We even have food.

That last one takes a lot of weight off my shoulders.  I’m not good at inactivity, but that’s okay too.  I have plenty to keep me busy.

All of that was my focus in my meditation today.  Well, that and a full body scan, of course… just because I like those.

Nine of Pentacles - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles which is often traditionally interpreted as independence, abundance, and the “lap of luxury”.

I actually do see independence here.  It’s sort of interesting, because I haven’t had a lot of cards come up in either this deck or the other one I’m using this month for daily pulls that has had an intuitive interpretation that aligns with traditional meanings.

That said?  That is where the similarity ends.  As although I see independence in this card, I also see… need.  She’s gaunt and her cheeks are hollow, her expression appearing to me today as holding the ache of longing.   What I see here is that her independence has caused this predicament… and thus the message that I see in today’s card is that independence is only as good as what it gives you when you have it.

If independence causes a sense of seclusion and loneliness?  Then perhaps it’s time to ease up a bit and allow others in.    For me, this translates into a reminder to enjoy this time together with L and Z.   I’m not used to such constant contact with others and it can be a bit straining for me, but at the same time?  It’s an opportunity to appreciate just how much they mean to me… and just how much they love me.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better express gratitude for my current opportunities?

Green Witch Tarot

Reading Summary:  By taking advantage of this time of opportunity and closeness with those around me and enjoying them to the fullest.

Take Away:  The forced seclusion with L and Z is providing me with an opportunity to delve into a deeper relationship with both of them (Ace of Cups) and I need to sit back and allow their love in and share mine in turn with them (King of Cups).  By taking this time to enjoy their presence rather than chafing under it (Three of Cups) I will find myself developing a deeper abundance and wealth that goes far beyond that of coin (Ten of Pentacles).

DECK USED:  GREEN WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #3

Celtic Dragon TarotWhat do I need to let go of to…

Ease My Mind:  It’s okay to slack off a bit… especially during this time.  Try not to allow yourself to get so wrapped up in the process of “getting things done” that you lose the joy of being able to relax for a bit.  You have enough to worry about and enough going on. You don’t need to add burnout into the mix.

Lighten My Heart:  My incessant need to always be moving forward.  There are things I can do to prepare for later, but there’s no real moving forward right now.  I need to find a way to ease that need and let it relax.  I can’t be in control of everything right now, no matter how much I want to be or how much my inner self demands it.

Free My Creative Spark:  It’s time to let go of the intensive juggling I do between all the different aspects of my life.  All those balls I usually keep aloft have crashed to the ground.  Stop straining and pushing at myself so hard to juggle responsibilities that don’t even exist at the moment.  This has to do not so much with the fact I’m still juggling them, but that there is an inner straining push within me to do the juggling regardless of the fact there’s no balls there to juggle right now.

DECK USED:  CELTIC DRAGON TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need to know about my intuitive abilities?

Animal Totem Tarot

Reading Summary:  I have a habit of disconnecting and stepping back (High Priestess) from my innate abilities (Page of Wands) when  I become tense (Nine of Pentacles) and/or overwhelmed (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  So when I become overwhelmed or tense, I have a habit of setting up barriers that cause me to lose sight of where I want to go and step back into a retreat.  This causes a muffling wall between myself and the messages of my intuition, making it harder for me to pick up those messages I would otherwise easily hear and obey without question.  Because of this I can often end up stunting growth and ending up having to “start over”, losing a portion of the progress I’ve made in the process.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT