Chocolate Cake

Today’s meditation was skipped because nobody would leave me the hell alone this morning.  I swear to god some days the girls are so totally self sufficient, and then other days?  Every five seconds they’re in my hair bugging the fuck out of me.  Although… Z did make chocolate cake this morning.  So she’s forgiven.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Nine of CupsSpeaking of chocolate cake…

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is about obtainment and completion in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This card is about emotional contentment, and taking time to be grateful and enjoy a sense of satisfaction in where you are at.

On Wednesday, I did a reading about whether I live to eat or eat to live, and here we have a card that is, in its depths, very much a “live to eat” card at its core.  It’s about enjoying what you have, finding pleasure and peace in the moment… and the imagery very much makes me think of eating cake.

The message in today’s card is to savor the good stuff.  Don’t let those things and experiences go to waste.


LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Neptune Question
: A dream, hope, or desire I am asked to feed, or honor {more}.

Ring Cycle Tarot

A Dream I Am Asked To FeedEmperor (Wotan) – Independence and strength, but with the balance of a softer and more understanding edge. Independence has always been my dream, and one I feed regularly, but that softer edge is new and something I have been working on over this past year.  Learning to find that softness and encourage it is something that needs constant fostering.

A Hope I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Nibelungs – Working off my mortgage is something I’ve been focused on for a very long time and I have a timeline on that I’ve been hoping to stick to.  I’m creeping toward the end stretch of my mortgage over the next few years and I need to keep this hope alive by feeding it and not giving up on it regardless of the state of the world.

A Desire I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Gibichungs – Balance and fairness in all things is something that I am constantly in need of.  When things are unfair and imbalanced, I struggle under the weight of this knowledge and a nearly righteous need to fix it and make it better. No matter how much some may look down upon this need, it is not a bad thing and is a directive that comes straight from my moral compass. Don’t be shy about these values.

A Dream I Am Asked To HonorSix of Gibichungs – This card echos the above theme of fairness, but here we see a need to foster it not just one individual case at a time but within a community where all understand and treasure the fairness that is fostered and grows there.  There have been many times that my personal need for fairness is all about a personal drive, in this case I am asked to honor the dream within myself that such fairness would be valued by all and that everyone would work together to sustain it.

A Hope I Am Asked To HonorJustice (Wotan’s Spear) – We reap what we sow, and in my heart?  I hope that this is true.  I hope that, through the workings of the balance of the universe, the truly horrible and evil people in the world really do reap the pain and misery that they have sown. If not in this life, than upon their spirit to be carried forward into the next.  To honor this hope, it is important to remember that you don’t always have to right the wrongs yourself… you instead need to foster the faith that the universe will do that for you.

A Desire I Am Asked To HonorNine of Nibelungs – I desire to trust.  I look back on the innocence and naivete that I had a decade or more ago… and sometimes I ache for that gleaming golden faith that has been scored and chipped and peeled away over time.  I used to have such faith in people as a whole… and I miss it. I understand I cannot go back, but I hope to never lose the memory of that time and, as a result, become truly and irretrievably jaded.


#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my love life.

Ride or Wait TarotReading Summary: Lean on Gideon as needed (King of Cups) and depend on him to keep hope and positivity alive (The Star) rather than retreating into yourself or hiding from him (Four of Cups Rx).

Take Away: It’s so damned hard for me to reach out sometimes and I really don’t understand why.  It’s not as if he’s going to look down on me for needing him.  If anything, any time I express my need of him, he is ready to leap into action and be there for me with eagerness, love, and strength.  

And yet, my first reaction when I need support or a pick-me-up?  Is to sink into myself rather than reach out to him… even after being together over twelve years now.   Why is that?

Obviously, this is a good reminder… and one I need to hear pretty often, especially in times of stress.


Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
: What or who in my life is draining my energy?

Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

What in my life is draining my energy?
Page of Swords atop Nine of Swords, Six of Pentacles

My ambition and worries that I’m not doing enough. This has been especially troubling for me this fall, as I have procrastinated a good deal of the fall away without getting my shit done as I should have.  For some reason, even fighting against the lethargy of the weight of that procrastination, I couldn’t manage to get my ass in gear.

Who in my life is draining my energy?
Extra Card (In the Weeds) and Queen of Pentacles

Those that are dependent on me are draining my energy at the moment, although through no fault of their own, but rather because I’m not getting away enough for some alone time in nature. Self care is sometimes such a fucking pain in the ass and it feels like a waste of time… and then I don’t do it and end up in a situation of self harm through neglect as a result.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How have I acted on that advice given to me from yesterday’s reading?

Puppet Theatre Tarot

Reading Summary:  Developed strength of determination (King of Wands) combined with a built up strength of foundation in home and finances (King of Pentacles) allows me to then use these things I’ve learned to better assist others than I could have otherwise (Six of Cups)

Take Away: Yesterday’s advice was about looking after myself before others, and thus by putting myself first.  Here we see that in having helped myself first and become strong both in my determination and my foundations, I then am able to help others in more effective ways later.  Sometimes those you refused to help earlier in life aren’t able to forgive that refusal, and you have to allow for those “spilled milk” people and let go of them so that you can use your resources to instead help those that are open to your assistance in the ways you chose to help.


Contentment and Gratitude

IMG_3766Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon using the 4-7-8 breathing technique to help  in lowering stress and inducing a sense of relaxation.

This is actually a method that I use regularly in the day to day, and often during my meditation.  It involves breathing in a full deep breath for a count of four, then holding that air in for a count of seven, then exhaling slowly to a count of eight.

When I use this technique, I use my heartbeats as the method of counting in order to make sure that the pace stays even through the entire process, and I’ve found it to be extremely beneficial in assisting me in relaxing during times of high stress.

Nine of Brine - Nine of Cups - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is the Nine of Brine (Nine of Cups) which is traditionally a representation of themes concerning satisfaction and attaining a state of contentment and comfortable completion in the area of one’s emotions and relationships.

What I see here is comfort and security, which I suppose is very much along the themes of contentment. The bones on the shore speak to me of a lot that has been lost by both parties, and yet the elephant and the youth move together in the shallows, leaning upon each other and taking comfort in each other.

This speaks to me of remembering what you have and appreciating it. Times of struggle and hardship can rip people apart, or they can bring people closer.  By approaching the relationships you have during these times with a sense of gratitude, it allows those relationships to strengthen rather than deteriorate.

I am currently experiencing this first hand with both my sister and Z.  This opportunity to spend so much time with both of them is a struggle, but it has also brought us closer.   The same, too, can be said for the drop and the bond formed as  I lean on you during those times of vulnerability.


#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
: What impact is stress having on my life at this time?

Fairy Lights Tarot

Reading Summary:   Disconnect is shown in the curve of the “horn” that, in this reading looks to me like a disconnected umbilical cord that has been parted from the figure with the hole in its torso.  Others look on in horror, indicating that this disconnect involves a sense of loss.

Scarcity is seen in the center card, depicted in the colors of the card as well as the sharp thorns of light scattered throughout the image and slumped figures.  The imagery feels like needs that are sharp and painful and not being satisfied.

Loss is what I see depicted in the last card.  A sense of mourning in the curling slump of the figures in the center of the image and the curl of their hands and arms.  The blue feels stark instead of comforting.

Take Away:  This is less about how it is effecting my life and more about how it can very easily turn around and bite me in the ass if I’m not careful.   Stress, that is.   It has the potential to pull me into a mindset of disconnection and scarcity where  I fear loss and, as a result, struggle with these emotions as they drag me down and jumble up my head and heart.

There is no symmetry in these cards, speaking of that confusion.  No easy flow going on here.  Instead, everything is discordant, just like my emotions when stress starts to become overwhelming and eat away at me.


#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
: What new perspective is waiting for me to be realized?

Forager's Daughter TarotReading Summary: I am not immune (Five of Swords) to the need for celebration and fun (Four of Wands) and need to make sure I’m taking a break from responsibilities (The Fool) now and then.

Take Away:  Ew… I don’t like this reading.  *Cracks up.*  But, I’m not saying it’s not true either, just that the idea of taking a break from responsibility in order to fool around and have a good time goes against my very nature.  I do understand that it’s a necessary part of life to cut loose now and then and I’m not exempt from the same human needs as everyone else… it’s just not easy for me to let it happen.  So yeah, as far as realizations waiting to be realized?  This is a good one where I am concerned.



The Growth of Appreciation

IMG_2837Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was focused upon closure and how important it is to helping each other heal from endings, especially painful endings.

This topic isn’t just about romantic relationships, but all sorts of relationships from friendships to family, and the passing of loved ones.   I had a hard time finding closure where my father was concerned.  I still sometimes have a hard time with it.  Maybe because I have a hard time understanding how I could love someone who could treat me as atrociously as he did.  And yet… I did love him.   I do love him.

In the end, I had to reconcile that as much as I love him… I never liked him, and never will.  It would have been nice to find closure, and it would have made the road easier to tread, I think.  I wish it could be possible more often… for me and for everyone.

Nine of Cups - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of contentment and satisfaction in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, and creativity.

What I see in this card, though, is more than that.  It’s about the journey.  The man in the card’s imagery looks into the cup and appears both contemplative and content.  This brings to mind that sometimes you have to look back at where you come from to see clearly where you are now.

Emotionally speaking, as the Cups so often represent, those looks back can sometimes be difficult for me.  But in doing so, I learn to appreciate the strength gained from the past, the experience earned, and understanding I have developed through the tests and trials that have gotten me to where I now am.

Those moments looking back also give me the opportunity to appreciate just how much better things are now.  No matter how ambitious I am to push forward into something even better?  Compared to where I come from… I have things damn good right here and now.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I approach my relationships mindfully moving forward?

Stretch Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t allow my all encompassing obsession (The Devil) with worm and my business (Three of Pentacles) to push people away (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  I think that I probably do this a lot without even realizing I’m doing it, or without others even realizing that I’ve done it, possibly, as well.   I’ve been running my business for a long time now.  A decade, I think?  And it does take over a huge part of my attention and focus.  I imagine that this is very difficult to deal with for those in my life that crave my attention.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #4

Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary: A ladies man (Knight of Cups) who constantly works to adapt and learn in order to further his career (Page of Wands) and has a way of charming all in his path (King of Cups).

Take Away:  George Clooney 


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Intention for the next 4 years / Leap forward

Button Soup TarotIntentions for the Next 4 Years:  I am in pursuit of happiness. I think this is true for pretty much everyone tho.  The card also speaks to me about finding pleasure in community.

Leap Forward: I’m going to need to address unhealthy habits sooner rather than later. I had fast food today for the fourth time in the past six years.  That is not one of my unhealthy habits… but I have plenty of others to take heed of and take more care with.


The Good Stuff

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on spending more time and attention on the people in your life and less time and attention on consumerism.

This is a good reminder.  I think we all get a little caught up now and then in that drive for “more” and “I want”.  Maybe it’s just a part of human nature.  Today’s meditation was a reminder that there is so much more to life than that, but it takes a choice to focus on those people that enrich our lives and truly appreciate their presence to find the true joy of their presence there.

Nine of Cups - Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is a representation of satiation in the area of one’s emotions and relationships.

I think this card goes really well with the message that was presented in today’s guided meditation, to be honest.   It’s important to know when you have enough.  Being someone with an addictive personality, I can attest first hand that sometimes?  That line is a difficult one to identify, let alone toe.

To balance out those traits, it’s important to appreciate what you have before you already.   Family, friends, and loved ones are an important part of life, and shouldn’t be forgotten or swept under the rug.   I see each of the cups in the imagery of the Nine of Cups in today’s draw as a cup that is filled.  Filled because it represents a person that has enriched and enhanced the life of the person appreciating them.


#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
: How can I face that truth this year? (Build off yesterday’s read.)

Spirit of the Flowers Tarot

Reading Summary: Spend more time getting in touch with my needs and the needs of those around me (Empress) so that I have a better chance of having more “your cup is half full” experiences (Nine of Chalices).  If I don’t want to be held back by my own ignorance of the issues (Eight of Swords), I need to try approaching them from a more optimistic perspective (The Sun).

Take Away:  This is… not the answer I was expecting, to be honest.  But it’s right on the mark.  Part of the reason I set aside issues I don’t want to deal with is because I see them in a pessimistic light.  This causes a systemic lack of enthusiasm to deal with them as a whole.  The cards indicate if I approach from a place of nurturing optimism, I will have better success in the future at avoiding the problems that arise when I choose to ignore those issues instead of deal with them.


#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?

Tarot Cats

Reading Summary: Someone’s deception is going to play to my advantage (Seven of Swords). I just need to sit back and wait and stay detached (Four of Cups), and make good choices when some difficult options are eventually presented to me (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  This is interesting in having followed the Tarot for Growth reading above.  But, it deals with a specific situation that is coming, not an overall change (or lack of change, as the case may be in this instance) in how I do things.  I’ll need to remember this advice when the moment of betrayal comes so that I remember to sit back and wait rather than acting rashly in the moment.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
: How can I find positive mentors?

Ethereal Visions Tarot

Reading Summary: Over the next year (Wheel of Fortune), if I want to seek out a positive mentor I will need to listen closely to my intuition (High Priestess) and keep myself open to the possibility of new emotional bonds (Page of Cups) and new ways of doing things (Page of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The cards just called me out on being a stick in the mud. Laughing. I am often very rigid in how much I am willing to put myself out there, and although I’m often open to learning new things, my guardedness can be a hindrance to that. If I decide over the next year that I want a mentor, I will need to ease up on that guarded restraint and let people in.