May 28 – Mental Health Card of the Day

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and one of the #DailyCalm sessions in the @Calm app.

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Today’s draw is the Magician (le Bateleur) card, which is traditionally a representation of capability, potential, resourcefulness, action, and manifestation. This often translates into themes having to do with being in possession of all of the skills, abilities, and tools necessary to reach one’s goals and accomplish one’s ends. It’s about being capable and skilled, resourceful and gifted with what is needed to get the job done.

Shower thoughts this morning had me thinking about a magazine article I read recently that proposed that our perception of time speeds up when we lack novel and/or memorable experiences used to differentiate our hours and days. I thought this was a really strange theory, as in my observation  time actually seems to pass more quickly as we become more aware of our mortality and how little time we actually have left. I feel this might be why time feels like it gets faster as we get older.  We see our mortality more clearly and it causes us to value our time left more, and thus the perception becomes that it is flitting away too quickly.  Instead, in my experience, depression, pain, and/or misery  cause time to crawl by, while “time flies” when we’re having fun.

These thoughts (which are currently written all over the walls of my shower in shower crayon) make me think that, at least in part, it’s up to us how we perceive time.  The Magician, then encourages us to experiment by using the tools we’ve learned over years of experience to find what works best for us to create a sense of time we’ll be happy with, and fill that time with memorable moments.

DECK USED: LE TAROT VILLENEUVE

May 29 – Mental Health Card of the Day

Today’s meditation was skipped.

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Today’s draw is the Ten of Swords, which is traditionally a representation long journeys coming to an end, painful endings, lessons learned the hard way, deep wounds, and sometimes can indicate loss or betrayal.

Right, so… I am becoming/have become more susceptible to guilt. The thing is? I’m not entirely sure how this happened. I didn’t used to be susceptible to guilt, but somewhere along the line in the past decade or so it’s begun to actually have an influence.

Once upon a time, guilt trips by others just made me mad. They triggered my anger, probably as a defense mechanism, and that in turn turned off my ability to give a damn.

Maybe it’s because, as I search for understanding of my emotions and make progress on my healing past wounds, I’m more open and vulnerable now. That defense mechanism just doesn’t trigger like it used to, though, and i find myself becoming susceptible to guilt trips by those I care for where I wasn’t before.

I definitely am not a fan of this development, even if the defense mechanism is still there, just latent and only kicking in when I’ve reached the end of my tolerance and had enough.

The combination of the Guilty Dog and the Ten of Swords makes me wonder… is there a way to fine tune this defense mechanism so that I’m saying “stick a fork in me; I’m done” sooner? I would like to detach from guilt sooner… or is it just one of those things that goes part and parcel with allowing yourself to care about people?

DECK USED: ANIMAL TAROT

May 30 – Mental Health Card of the Day

Today’s meditation was thirteen minutes long, and was self guided meditation based off a #DailyCalm session I did recently titled “Anxiety” in the @Calm app. (Because I had a severe anxiety attack, and I needed a little help to reign things in.)

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Today’s draw is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of strategic thinking, “sneaky shit”, or getting away with something. It can also often be about taking only what one can carry.

Disappointment seems to come far too easily these days. Whether it’s witnessing the truth in Harvey Danger’s “only stupid people are breeding” lyrics, or the decline of work ethic that took a sharper than normal dip during the pandemic (ref: the WPA in the 1930s and how it was preferred by the majority of society at the time over public assistance because it “maintained self-respect, reinforced the work ethic, and kept skills sharp”), and all around wide spread choices to act without consideration of consequences.

Do I sound like an old curmudgeon yet?

The other day I watched someone walk out of a store with a cart full of junk without paying, and yet when I reported this to security? I was the one looked at as an inconvenience.

I could see a policy of letting it go if it was say… food, or children’s clothes. But electronics and other clearly unnecessary luxury crap? C’mon.

The cards for today reflect this event I witnessed and the feelings expressed above that arose from it. These cards are a reminder to not let the morons, the entitled, and the corrupted get you down. Yes, they’re out there and they’re breeding. That just means it’s that much more important to seek out and connect with those that share your own values. They’re out there too, and can help in putting a little faith back in your perceptions of humanity as a whole.

DECK USED: THE LINESTRIDER TAROT