Just Don’t
tender
vulnerable
and feeling
without defense
the hint of raw
beneath the flesh
stirs up
the need to
hide
Subdrop sucks.
dominance and submission
Gideon’s Challenge
Tendril
Not always big.
Not always deep.
Sometimes
the drown comes
soft and sweet.
A tendril
that licks
against the skin,
brushing beneath
against the soul.
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Gideon’s Challenge
Trust…
is a thing
weighted and wet.
Dark and swirling
it ripples
around me.
Your hands
hold me under
and the world
beyond
disappears.
There is only you.
The greatest trust I have ever given to anyone, I have gave to you. And I give to you again and again, each time I allow you to take me into those deep dark waters of the drown. In that space, I am at my most vulnerable, and as you hold me there beneath the surface my light shines as my soul stretches and writhes.
Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being my anchor… my dominant… my love. Thank you very every minute… every second we have together.
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Shelter In the Storm
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds long, and focused on finding gratitude for the good times through experiencing the bad ones.
Honestly? This is one of the main ways in which I connect with gratitude. There have been so many things that have gone on in my life… that I have lived through, survived, worked around, etc. My connection with gratitude is easy when I look back at these times and compare them with what I have (and where I am) now.
I also think that is something that a lot of people forget to consider. So many wallow in the experiences of their past and how they wish things had been different, or the effects that those experiences have had on their present or future. But it is much more rare to find those that look at those past experiences and accept them as lessons learned, and say “thank god that’s over and no longer my situation”. I think this is an important part of the healing process.
Today’s draw is the Empress card, which is the 3rd card in the Major Arcana.
I love the imagery for the Empress in this card, and it speaks to me really deeply right now. Delving into the subdrop is a difficult process that makes you feel small and vulnerable. Today’s card is a reminder that my “Empress” is right within my reach, only a text or message away. That supportive energy, that protective bulk, and that calming influence is hovering right behind me, ready to step in as soon as I reach out for it.
I love you, man. Even with the subdrop.
The traditional meaning of the Empress card is one of strong nurturing energy. She is the mother, fertile and comforting. She is the queen, strong and supportive. This card can also mean dependency upon another, and I think that in today’s interpretation, it is all of the above.
Deck Used: The Stolen Child Tarot
It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable… With You
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on saying “yes”… and our motivations behind why we say “no”.
“No” can be a good word. It sets boundaries and keeps us safe. But, there are times when it is also used in a way that limits our potential. In these moments, “no” comes not from a place of self empowerment, but rather from a place of anger or fear.
This guided meditation encouraged taking a moment when we’re about to say “no” to really consider why we are saying “no”, and where that response is coming from, examining if we are practicing good judgement… or if we are practicing limiting behaviors. Then, when we catch ourselves doing the latter, changing that “no” to a “yes”, in order to foster new experiences and personal growth.
I think everyone has these moments where they use “no” as a limiting behavior, and I really liked this meditation and it’s reminder to essentially “grab life by the balls” and be open to new experiences.
Today’s draw is the 6th card of the Major Arcana, the Lovers card, and like all cards in the Major Arcana it relates to not one aspect of the human experience, but the larger picture. The Lovers card has a vast array of symbolism and meanings which include themes such as duality, harmony, the alignment of one’s values with another’s, meaningful relationships (not just romantic in nature), and love.
Today this card represents being open and vulnerable with the one you love, and the trust and faith that it takes to do so. It is a card that speaks of my submission, and of your dominance, of the balance we have, of our give and take, and of the depth of trust that has been built around us like an insulating wall.
The longer that we are together, the more depth develops into our relationship. You find ways to accommodate my more dominant tendencies, and I find ways to accept and incorporate the submissive ones I discovered when we first met. In the first few years, it was much a “on/off” type of switch. We switched places, and it was either one or the other. But, as time has gone on, this has turned into a flow of give and take that is always changing, and yet always stable.
The Lover’s card today is a reminder of this balance, of the trust we share, and the comfort we take in each other. It is a reminder that it’s okay to be vulnerable, as well as a reminder to be conscious of, mindful of, and grateful for what we have.
I am.
I love you.
Deck Used: Student Tarot v5
Coping With Subdrop
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty six seconds, and focused on shinrin-yoku, or what is known as “forest bathing”.
This is a type of eco-therapy where one takes a walk in the woods and, instead of spending the time distracted by one’s phone, thoughts, or the drive for getting exercise, you focus on your senses and what you are experiencing there within the forest.
This includes everything from listening to the sounds of the forest such as the rustle of leaves and sound of insects, to the scents of the forest such as the smell of the earth and the trees, the experience of touch through feeling the sun and air on the skin or the feeling of dappled shade through leaves, taking in the colors and shapes and beauty around you, and even taste through how the air tastes as you breathe it in.
When I hike, this is my practice. I am not hiking in order to get exercise or see how far I can go. I am there to enjoy nature in all of its subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. Sometimes, I might bring my camera… but I always turn my phone off and leave my earbuds at home.
To me, hiking has always been a time to commune with nature. Like some people use a maze or labyrinth to foster mindfulness, I have always used the hiking trails in the forests here where I live in this way.
Today’s draw is the 14th card in the Major Arcana, the Temperance card. Like all cards in the Major Arcana, this card deals with not just one single aspect of the human experience, but instead a broader picture as a whole.
The Temperance card is a representation of moderation, balance, and patience. It speaks of the need for a pause before reacting, thought before action, and reflection before absorption. This is an extremely good card for me today, because the subdrop has definitely arrived! Holy crap, has it ever.
One of the qualities of the Temperance card is to remind you to remain calm during times of stress and chaos. The subdrop is absolutely a time of stress and chaos for me, as I feel extremely vulnerable emotionally during this time.
As a result, the message of the card for today is just to take my time. Remember that I need to consciously seek out balance and stability, rather than just flying off the handle over every little thing. No matter whether that be mentally, emotionally, or even physically.
Side Note: Whenever I am in subdrop, it always reminds me of those movies where a woman is in labor and she looks over at her significant other and screams at him, “This is all your f’king fault, you son of a bitch!”.
Like pregnancy and labor, the sub drop is a joint endeavor… but in the moment, I just feel like blaming it all on you. Just sayin’.
Twisting the Leaf 