depression self help

Personal Emotions and Reading Tarot

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So, I had something else planned to post today, but then this topic kind of came up the other night in my mind while I was reading on the Philosophical Question about pleasure and evil. The thing is? I really did think that the answer was going to be a yes… and it wasn’t. It got me to thinking about how we all sometimes invest our own thoughts, opinions, or emotions into tarot reading. The “good readers” realize this when it’s happening, and are able to then step back from it and let the cards speak for themselves.

Usually, when people discuss times to take a break from reading tarot, at the top of that list is times when you are emotionally imbalanced. And I agree with this. When you are dealing with depression or anger, grief or other intense emotions, it’s not usually a good time to be reading tarot because your inner turmoil can influence your perspective on the cards and what they say.

This can, in turn, can create problems if you’re reading for yourself or others by causing the reading go awry from the intended message in the cards, or not be delivered in the healthiest ways.

In thinking about this topic after that reading I mentioned above, I was thinking about why it is that I’m still doing readings during this time when I’m dealing with my own depression. Shouldn’t I have stepped away from the cards? That’s what I have done in the past during these times, and it’s the safest thing to do usually.

But, I haven’t stepped back. I’ve cut down a bit with how many readings I’m doing, but I haven’t stopped entirely or cut back to just my “Positive Message” card of the day practice.

The thing is, though, although I am not reading for others right at the moment, because I’m going through a depression and need to make sure my delivery to my clients remains the caring and understanding tone that it always should be… I am continuing to read for myself.

This is not something I recommend, because of the reasons I already mentioned. That said, I am trying to see if I can level out my ability in reading even during these emotional times. Not just in this particular issue, but more… across the board whether happy or sad, depressed or upset, etc. I would like to grow to a point where my intuition and “reader’s voice” are not warped by my emotional balance and struggles, but instead continue to be objective and unbiased through these times.

This doesn’t mean that I would at some time in the future begin reading for others during these times when I’m struggling… but I think that even in just reading for myself this is something I can work on to become a better reader over all.

What Seeds Take Root

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Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 10 seconds and focused on transforming negative emotions into positive ones. More specifically, it dealt with irritation, but I really do feel that this could be applied to any negative emotions.

The example used in the meditation explained how you can use your meditation practice, mindfulness, and breathing exercises to transform such emotions as irritation into a more positive light.  This is done by taking a minute and a “step back”, just to take a couple of deep breaths and seek a bit of perspective outside yourself.

The meditation itself included a breathing exercise where you rhythmically count your breaths in, then hold, then breaths out.  I found it so relaxing that I had a hard time getting up after the meditation was done.  I just wanted to lie there and dawdle the day away.   Of course, my stomach and metabolism had other ideas.

Today’s draw is yet another duo, which again had no jumper but came out together. That would be the 14th card of the Major Arcana, the Temperance card, and the Nine of Swords. The keyword on the temperance card is “balance”, and the keyword on the Nine of Swords card is “sorrow”.

To be honest?  I’m not even going to bother defining the traditional meaning for these two cards today, because my intuition is working overtime on this deck, to the point it seems to be almost “mentally blocking” the more analytical, educated side of things.

What I see in these cards is, first and foremost, that Sorrow is at the back.   When I read, the rear card in a double jump is always the subject, and the overlaying card is the commentary.

What the cards are telling me is that, although depression is often a brain chemistry thing for me, in order to assist myself and my meds in keeping myself afloat and out of the mess of a deep pit that my depression is prone to throwing me into… I need to make sure I continue to focus on balance.

I’ve been very tempted lately to up my hours on my part time jobs, because things have been slow with the business.  Not surprising, things are always slow this time of year.  Still, I push myself so hard that the temptation is there even if I don’t really NEED to struggle and strive and push for more.

I need to make sure I remember that this time of year is a time for rest for me.  Next month I have to start gearing up and preparing for the busy holiday season ahead.  June, July, and August are the only months all year that I have to essentially “slack off”.

I need to stop feeling guilt over that “slacking” and see it as what it is.   A time for healing.  A time for restoration.   A time to refill my cup for what’s coming, and repair the damage (emotional, spiritual, physical) that I’ve done to myself over the past year when things were so busy I couldn’t barely breathe.

If I do not give myself that balance?   I will pay for it later in not just my mood, but in my energy levels, creativity, and enthusiasm as well. Which would create a prime set-up for a bit of darkness to creep in and root into the soil.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Eminent Burnout

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and fifty seconds, and focused on fostering curiosity by using the question “what is this?” during the practice.

The idea was to stay in the mindset of the questioning. To not seek answers, but instead to hold yourself in the experience of inquiry without an expectation of an answer.

Not surprisingly, I had a difficult time with this meditation. My mind is constantly seeking and constantly curious, but demands the reward of knowing that comes when you find the answer. To sit and stew in the curiosity all by his self with no drive to find answers was a place that was nearly impossible for me to hold myself in. I did try though.

I may actually return to this meditation again at a later date and try again.

Today’s draw is the Ten of Swords, which which is a representation of endings and the hope of new beginnings on the horizon in the area of thoughts, logic, reason, and communication.

Although the above is the “official” interpretation of the Ten of Swords, when I saw this card today it was read entirely by intuition.

My intuition says… burn out.

The swords in this man’s back in the image represent all of the “need to do’s” and “want to do’s” that can create a cacophony in the mind and end up overwhelming an individual. They all stick out of his back as he lays up on the ground, representing burn out at its peak.

What the card’s appearance today is telling me is that I need to slow down and pull a couple of those ‘blades out of my back’, so to speak. Not everything has to be done right now now now now now. I need to give myself permission to take my time, relax, and do things at an easier pace.

As you know, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the bombardment of my responsibilities combined with the drive of my creativity. I’ve been feeling this a bit just lately, and today’s card is an offer of guidance on how to deal with that and the impending burn out that it can create if ignored, as well as a reminder to cut myself a little slack.