Boundaries

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and I started a new series to work through as the regular daily meditation was a repeat from a couple months ago.   The new series is “How to Meditate” with a different narrator than my regular, so we’ll see how it goes.  I did very much like the very basic way that they broke down what meditation is, though, and so I’ll probably stick with it for a while at least, regardless of the voice not being the best.

Nine of Wands - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Nine of Wands, which is a representation of resilience, defense, and good boundaries in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions.   After the day I had yesterday, it’s not surprising that this card would come up.

Today’s draw is a reminder to keep my boundaries strong.  They are there for a reason and even with the awakening of new levels of emotion in my life, they need to hold firm. That new depth of emotion I’ve been feeling lately leaves me feeling a bit disoriented and as if I am fumbling in the dark.  Now more than ever it is important to ground myself in my values, as well as in those boundaries I’ve put in place for my own personal and emotional safety as well as the safety of what (and who) I hold dear.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I encourage continued growth moving forward?

Skele-TarotReading Summary:  When you’re feeling a bit lost in the dark (The Moon) remain calm, thoughtful, and decisive (Queen of Swords) rather than letting choices overwhelm you (Seven of Cups) and create conflict (Five of Wands).

Take Away:  A lot of times when I’m dealing with uncertainty, I let things get overwhelming because I feel powerless in those moments.  The cards are reminding me that to move forward and grow from these experiences, I can’t give in to those feelings of being overwhelmed, but instead strive to stay calm and collected within the storm.

Deck Used: Skele-Tarot

Hope, Comfort, and Growth

Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long, and was a healing light meditation that I used to focus on my wrist injury.  It was very relaxing, despite the fact that the guide’s voice wasn’t the best.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards came out together as one. The cards in today’s draw are The Star card of the Major Arcana and the Nine of Bats (Swords).

This message has to do with vulnerability and inner struggle, and after the evening that I’ve had, I definitely understand where it’s coming from.   The message is that there are going to be times when you’re feeling vulnerable in a very not-pleasant way.  Between the shadow reading I received today and the phone call from my mother, my unpleasant vulnerability is at a high, and as the Nine of Bats indicates, it has definitely caused me some distress.

What I also see in these cards though is the shining sun on the bed and comforting concern of the cat in the Nine of Bats… and the brightly shining star combined with the growth of new green in the Star card.    To me, these factors speak of comfort and hope.

What this means is that yes… it’s been a hard day.  YES, the last few hours have sucked.   But I have right before me the gifts in my life that will help me through it and allow me to grow from the experience rather than letting it drag me down.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What accomplishment of mine should I give myself more recognition for?

Golden Age of Horror Comics TarotReading Summary:   The work that I’ve been doing in an effort to better balance my spirituality (The High Priestess), my newly uncovered level of emotions (Page of Cups), and my responsibilities (King of Pentacles).

Take Away:   This has been a real struggle for me of late and a lot of the time I feel adrift in uncertain waters.  For a while, I was starting to think that I’d dipped my toe in too deep of a pond with the emotion digging, but what I really think is that this new level is just new and makes me feel uncertain.  Balancing that uncertainty with the familiarity of my spirituality and the rigid demand of responsibility has been difficult and… honestly?  I always feel like I’m failing when in truth?  I’m probably not.

Deck Used: The Golden Age of Horror Comics Tarot

Appreciation and Gratitude

Today’s meditation was a little over ten minutes long, and focused along the thread of yesterday’s pull of the day and bonus reading.   It focused on the practice of kintsugi, which is a Japanese practice of using liquid precious metal (gold, silver, or platinum) and/or lacquer dusted with powdered precious metals to repair broken and cracked pottery.

It discussed how even when you are feeling at your most broken, it is possible to pick up the pieces from these experiences and create something beautiful with them.

Ten of Cups - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Ten of Cups card, which is a representation of completion, ascension, regeneration, and renewal in the area of creativity, emotions, relationships, and the intuition.  This theme often portrays itself as harmony and bliss in one’s relationships.

Today’s card is a reminder to acknowledge and consciously value the good times.  Be grateful for them, because like all cycles, that time of bliss and harmony doesn’t last forever and should be wallowed in and celebrated while you have it in your grasp.  I have very much enjoyed all of the extra time I’ve been able to spend with you lately.  I know that the holiday rush is about to start, and that is going to change for about six weeks or so, but I want you to know… spending this time with you is amazing and I am grateful for every single moment we have together.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I better release self-doubt?

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Reading Summary: Be active in focusing on what you really want (Four of Wands and Knight of Cups), don’t allow yourself to get bogged down by material concerns (Four of Hazards), because when you focus to hard on financial concerns it puts you in a bad place emotionally (Page of Hazards and Five of Cups).

Take Away: There are times when I get really wrapped up in my finances and how I feel things -should- be going.  I lose track of what’s really important to me as my focus narrows down to numbers, bank accounts, bills, and my drive to pay off my mortgage.  All of this focus on these areas creates a good deal of stress and self-doubt concerning my capabilities to thrive and my self worth.  If I want to release that self-doubt, I need to let up on how hyper-focused I become on that area of my life.

Deck Used: Zombie Tarot

Ready… Set…

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was another body scan that finished with a long period where I focused upon my connection to the liminal and the growing intensity of that pull to it that is a part of this time of the year for me.    To that end, I did some quiet visualization of hiking in the woods, as today is not a day I can manage to get out there.

Wheel of Fortune - Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Wheel of Fortune, which is the tenth card in the Major Arcana.  This means that it deals with an overall message or life path situation rather than a single aspect of the human experience.

The Wheel of Fortune card is a representation of luck (good or bad, depending on the reading involved), turning points, and destiny or the resistance thereof.

When the card came up in today’s reading, I saw it as a reminder to “fasten my seatbelt” for what’s coming ahead.   That is to say, the shift is coming between the slow time and the busy period, and I need to make sure that I’m prepared for it.  Don’t let it take me by surprise.  It’s time to get all my ducks in a row, all my supplies and product in order, and everything set and ready.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What good thing in my life deserves celebration?

Halloween Magick Tarot Reading Summary:   I choose to make good decisions (Two of Swords) which includes working with others when needed (Three of Pentacles), and taking the steps to heal from the past rather than letting it weigh me down (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  This message is about my independence and how I move forward in my life set to my own moral compass.  Whether I’m doing things on my own or working with others, I allow my experiences to educate me and assist me in making the choices that are right for me.  The cards are telling me that this quality is something that I’ve possibly fallen to the wayside on acknowledging, and that should be celebrated.

Deck Used: The Halloween Magick Tarot

Inner Strength and The Past

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was not a guided meditation.  Instead I put on some YoYoMa and settled in to a lazy body scan that started at the top of my head and worked slowly down to the bottoms of my feet.   I then switched over to a few minutes settling into sounds as had been practiced in a previous guided meditation.

On the whole, it was very relaxing.

Six of Cups - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Six of Cups, which I pulled an intuitive hit off of that deals with taking some time to not just examine my memories, but appreciate how my past has created who I am today and the life I have.

This is something that I think a lot of people take for granted.  I personally never wish that anything I’ve experienced had happened differently.  I’ve gone through a good deal of bad experiences, and a significant amount of trauma.  But, each of these things in my past has made me into the man I am to day, and I am proud of the man I am today.

Yes, I am hard on myself, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel I have good ethics and good moral values, and that I follow those guidelines and live them every day.   I am also very happy with my life.   Yes, things could be better… but they could also be a lot worse.  One small change to my past and my experiences, and maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now.  Maybe I wouldn’t have a wonderful partner, a loving sister, a trusted friend.  Maybe I wouldn’t be in a stable home that I’ve created for myself.

So when looking back at your past and experiences, be sure to remember that these things are a part of what make you who you are.  Without them, you might have turned out to be an entirely different person in an entirely different position… and not necessarily a better one.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I better navigate through fear?

Ludy Lescot Tarot Reading Summary:  Sink into your inner strength (Strength card) and value the trials you have gone through and recovered from (Ten of Swords), and you will find yourself in a better place to deal with what comes (Nine of Pentacles).

Take Away:  This is a continuation of the daily draw from above, which surprisingly fits in really well with the question for today’s challenge. (Surprisingly because I wasn’t expecting them to correlate.)

The fact is that I am strong.  My strength is built up over all of the things I have survived and moved on from, whether that’s my father and family’s treatment of me growing up, the attacks I have survived through, the car crashes I have been in, the cancer and treatments for it, and the physical damages from everything I’ve mentioned that I have sustained along the way.   All of these things have built up my strength, and taught me how to survive and thrive in difficult (or seemingly impossible) circumstances.

I am proof that you can survive through things you did not believe were possible, and I’m proof that you can adapt to the changes that these experiences create, and learn to thrive because of and despite them.   Remembering this when fears get the best of me is how I can (as the question asks) better navigate through that fear.

Deck Used: Ludy Lescot Tarot

Perfectionism

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and the last installment of the Managing Stress series.  The focus on today’s guided meditation was about taking a step back and approaching distressing emotions and thoughts as an observer rather than as a participant.

This distancing is something I’m very familiar with and used to work for me quite well.  Over the past few years, though, as you have helped me become more and more in touch with my emotions, I’ve found that I’m not as successful as I used to be at compartmentalizing my emotions and looking at them in a purely objective way.

Sometimes I think that is a bad thing… other times I think it’s a good thing.  Maybe it’s both.

Today’s draw is the King of Ghosts (Cups), which is a representation of a projective alpha energy in the area of emotions, intuition, relationships, and creativity.  This manifests itself in areas of emotional balance and diplomacy, as well as compassion, yet can also portray a depth of inner emotions and come across as moodiness or emotional manipulation.

When  I saw today’s draw this morning, what really stuck out to me was the curl of the king’s arm around the tail of the ghost. Even when the king is looking away in another direction, the ghost is still happy.

The message in today’s card is that sometimes you have to make peace with not having everything perfect.  It’s okay to be happy and celebrate regardless of the fact that perfection is not the result.  Enjoy the imperfections.  Celebrate them.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What is it time to forgive myself for?

Reading Summary:   Passing up potential opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) that could lead somewhere lucrative (King of Pentacles) in pursuit of new ideas and creativity (Ace of Swords and Knight of Cups).

Take Away: Okay so, I have a LOT of ideas… all the time.  As a part of my business I often spread myself too thin because I have so many creative ideas that I want to do and try, and not enough time to do them all.  I then try to do them all, and things get dropped (or delayed) as a result.  I could be focusing more on the business side of things.  On the advertising and drawing in new customers, etc.  Instead my attention is pulled again and again to those new ideas and creative endeavors. 

At times, I am really hard on myself about this, because IF I could just focus on the business side more, then I could probably draw in a good deal more profit. The truth is, though, it would feel more and more like a chore and less and less like a passion… so maybe I shouldn’t be quite so hard on myself about it.

Deck Used: Ghosts & Spirits Tarot

 

Confidence and Perspective Changes

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on how sometimes gifts come in the form of what you shed or release, rather than what you gain, and how that is one of the things about meditation practice that is of great value.

What they mean by this is that the gift that meditation gives you isn’t always an increase in focus or an advancement of some kind, it’s in the releasing of stress and the decrease of anxiety, etc.

I think that this view is a lot like the view that I have of the negative incidents and people in my past.    It’s a “look for the silver lining” approach.   This is not to negate though, as I think it’s a very good point and good practice to get into.  Life is better and there is better perspective within it when you can accept that even the bad things that happen to you have value.

Queen of Wands - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions.  This theme portrays itself with independence, confidence, and determination.  The Queen of Wands is ambitious and knows how to get what she wants and go after what she believes is hers.

What I see in today’s card is encouragement.  It’s appearance today is there to boost my self confidence, which wavered a bit when the less-than whisper came during the recent drop.  The Queen of Wands has arrived to remind me that I am strong and passionate, and if they don’t like me?  Fuck’em.

I’ll try to take her message to heart, although I’m not quite far enough out of the post-drop tenderness for it to really sink in at the current moment.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: Where may I need to shake things up?

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight Reading Summary:  I need to look recently occurring new perspectives (Hanged Man) concerning the drop (Eight of Swords) and the emotions that stem from it (Ace of Cups).

Take Away: Ok, so I had a really hard time with this last drop.  Yes it was massive, but it went beyond that, because for the first time in a long time, I completely shut down rather than allowing myself to deal with it.  And honestly?  My perception and feelings about it were different this time too, leaning far more to the negative.   I focused on those negatives rather than on the vulnerability and inner worries and fears, which didn’t help things.

This new perspective isn’t a healthy one, and isn’t healthy for me at all.  This isn’t the first time I’ve drowned so deep, or had such a massive drop afterward.  But I didn’t handle it well at all this time, and I need to look at approaching the drop and the emotions surrounding it from a different mindset in the future so that I don’t go back there again.

Deck Used: Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

Evaluating Timing

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was centered upon using sound as a focus for meditation.  I’m not sure why I was surprised by the effectiveness of this technique, considering how my synesthesia is focused on auditory input, but I was.  What is also surprising, though, is that I really enjoyed it.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards dropped out together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Moon and the Sun cards.   This is surprising, as this deck is VERY thoroughly shuffled, and yet they popped out together regardless of that fact.  (The Moon and The Sun are cards are the 18th and 19th card, respectively, in the Major Arcana.)

The message that comes across in these cards and how they landed is that there is always an end to troubled times.  It’s like that old Charles Strouse/Martin Charnin song for the play Annie, yeah?  Corny, I know… but that’s exactly what popped into my head when I saw these two cards land on the table.

In the tarot, the Moon card is traditionally a representation of illusion, fear of the unknown (and the unknown in general), intuition and the subconscious, and a temptation to retreat from the unknown to a place of safety.    The Sun, on the other hand, is a representation of positivity and lightheartedness, that ‘inner child’ spark, warmth, vitality, and success.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I improve my relationship with my shadow self?  (Fitting for what we have been discussing, and I might visit this reading more in depth on next Wednesday’s shadow post.)

Trick-or-Tarot DeckReading Summary:   Walk away (Eight of Cups), reevaluate (Adjustment/Justice), and come back stronger (King of Pentacles).   These cards echo the same pattern as the read on the positivity cards above, and it creates a feeling of reinforcement in what I’m seeing here.

Take Away: What I’m reading here is that starting this right before the holiday rush might not be the best idea.  If I wait, and take this time over the rush to evaluate my plan and look at different paths to my goal, then once the holiday rush is over and I am on the other side of it, I will be in a better and stronger place to do the shadow work safely.  

Deck Used: Trick-or-Tarot Deck

Surrender and Change

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and focused on surrendering to change.  That is to say, not fighting against it but allowing it to take you along and flowing with it, and thus reducing stress through an attitude of acceptance and surrender.

World Card -  Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is The World card of the Major Arcana, meaning that it deals with an overall picture rather than one specific facet of the human experience.

The World card represents completion and the ending of a cycle as well as the movement of stepping through the end of a cycle into the next.   The World Card also holds within it the representation of one’s ascension from one level of development on to the next.

The message in today’s card is an echo of the meditation I did this morning.  That is to say, to not fight change.   Change is the birthplace of learning and growth.  Without it, the world sits stagnant.   But, when you relax into change instead of fighting it, you move forward and, along the way you “level up” in your growth.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I bring more balance into my life?

Tarot of Haunted House Reading Summary: Surrender is again in the theme for this reading as well, with mention of surrendering (Ten of Swords) to a new way of experiencing my emotions (Ace of Cups), and making wise choices (intuitive hit off the imagery of the Seven of Pentacles) that will foster sustainable growth (also Seven of Pentacles) and stability in the area of my finances and resources (Four of Pentacles).

And can I just say?  I really love the imagery in this deck.

Take Away:  With the shadow work I’m beginning and all of the drowns and closeness lately, I feel more open and tender lately, which is very difficult for me not to fight against.  This openness leaves me a bit more vulnerable to my worries concerning my finances and stability, but if I stay on track in saving the money I need to get saved for the financial obligations I have coming up at the end of the year, my worries will ease up and everything will be fine.

Deck Used: Tarot of Haunted House

You Can Do It

Today’s meditation was just under four minutes long because I could NOT manage to stay still and allow myself to relax this morning.  I will give it another go before bed for the regular ten minutes or so.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw was a double without a jumper, which is to say that both cards came out together as one.   The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Pumpkins (Pentacles) and the Magician card.

The message in these cards jumped out at me and has to do with what we spoke about last night.  It has to do with the shadow work that you’ve asked me to begin and I am in the process of creating a plan for.

What the cards are saying is that I have the tools to do this. Starting a project like this holds a lot of self consciousness and self doubt, which is natural. It’s going to be difficult, possibly painful, and I’m going to need help, but the knowledge and the tools to work on it are well in hand.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I be more adaptable?

Skele-Tarot Reading Summary: I need to be kinder to myself (The Empress) and allow myself to celebrate (Four of Wands) my accomplishments (Queen of Pentacles) instead of always pushing to go go go (Eight of Wands)

Take Away:  This message is about my motivations and my drive.  In this area, I am very harsh with myself and unrelenting.  I want to do more.. more… more.  This is an area where I could be well served to be more adaptable and allow myself some more space, gentle nurturing, and acceptance of my accomplishments and limitations rather than constantly pushing forward like a runaway horse with blinders on.

Deck Used: Skele-Tarot