Reaching For The Light

IMG_8900Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an added interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   Again, I was tempted to skip my meditation today, but I managed to push myself to do it anyway.

The topic of today’s meditation was about distancing yourself from your thoughts during your meditation practice so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of their sticky grip.  Instead, the guide offers the technique of labeling your thoughts when they arrive.  Essentially catching yourself and saying “thinking” and then allowing the thoughts to drift off.  Doing this each time so that you do not become emotionally or otherwise invested in the thoughts, but instead see them just as thoughts and then set them aside.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Nine of CupsToday’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of wallowing in one’s “feel good” feelings.  It’s about contentment and taking pleasure in one’s good fortune, as well as feeling emotionally satiated.  It can also be an indication of gluttony.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery is that there is more than one person in the card and the figure on the stump appears to be sharing her wealth of goodness with those below.  Normally, this is a theme that I would expect to see in the Ten of Cups, as I usually consider the Nines of each suit lean more into solitary themes.

In absolute honesty, though, this looks a lot more like the Six of Pentacles to me.  But that’s just me.  It’s just that the imagery seems to lean so very heavily into sharing and generosity.  What is being shared here, though, is not money or resources.  It’s happiness, pleasure, positivity, and the sweetness of hope.  Those below reach for it, seek it out… and that is where the message lies in today’s card.  It’s not really about the figure on the stump… it’s about the people below.

Today’s message is about reaching for the positivity.  Don’t wallow in the dark.  Don’t sit on the sidelines and allow the negativity to have its way with you.  Instead… reach for the light.  Reach for the good, the positive and the hopeful.  It may seem out of reach, but it’s closer than you think.


LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
: In what area am I asked to nurture myself right now?

Zolar's New Astrological Tarot

 Reading Summary: The anxiety and depression that you’re feeling (Nine of Swords) requires some nurturing (The Empress) and  that you seek out the positive as much as you can (Mercury) instead of focusing on the negative and letting it drag you down (Justice Rx).

Take Away: I’m currently struggling with what is starting to become clear is a clinical depressive episode at the moment. The cards here indicate that this is exactly the area where I need nurturing at the moment, and I need to make sure I’m leaning into self-care and self-kindness, as well as focusing on the positive and the light as much as possible in order to help in combating the darkness of the depression’s influences.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: What is a very positive thing in your life you are overlooking?

Mundane Magick TarotReading Summary:  You’ve done this before, again and again (Seven of Coins Rx atop The World).  You have all the skills, all the knowledge, all the tools that you need (The Magician) to make it through your depression and come out the other side (Death).

Take Away:  *Takes a breath.*   Yeah.  That’s true.  This is not the first time, and I can do this.  It’s not permanent, nor is it even especially long lasting.  It just needs to be worked through so that I can get to the other side of it and then move on from it.

Once the depression is over, perspectives will shift, experiences will shift…. life will shift.  And a whole different and lighter reality will take the place of where darkness currently exists.


Daily Self Kindness

I made a new character to play with Gideon instead of trying to burrow into myself and take a (not really needed) nap.  It’s something new so I don’t feel the pressure of trying to fit into the skin of an established character during a time when am barely fitting into my own skin.

That “Thank God It’s Over” Feeling

IMG_8889Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes, and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

Today’s meditation was about not allowing your emotions to “talk you into” skipping practice.  And… I almost skipped practice.  So this is fitting, yeah?  It did give me food for thought, though, as I had never really considred the times when I feel the need to avoid a self-care practice as emotionally driven.  I think that it is, though, on reflection of the idea.  I’m very much sure that it is, actually.   So I learned something new about myself today… even when I bury the fuck out of my emotions?  They still find ways to screw with me in unexpected ways. Not that I’m burying them right now, but I’ve been struggling with this avoidance/skipping issue for most of my life.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of themes to do with homecoming and celebration.

This is another of the cards in this deck that the words at the bottom of the card are non-traditional to the card and give me a moment’s pause, throwing me off a bit. 

This is actually the first card in this deck that doesn’t really “do it” for me.  Not only do the words at the bottom feel contrary to the traditional meaning of the card, but so too does the image.  The symbolic elements are there, but it just seems too dark.  There’s no celebration here, no welcoming warmth.  The courtyard is dreary, the wands and wreath are shadowed… the door is closed.

The thing is?  Sometimes homecomings (and perfect work, for that matter) go uncelebrated.  There’s no happy welcome, and no big to do.  Just relief.  Relief at a job finished.  Relief at finally waking through the door and setting down your keys.   Sometimes it’s not about the fanfare, it’s about leaning back against the door once you’re inside and going “thank god that’s over”.  That in itself is a sort of celebration.  Sometimes… it’s the absolute best kind of celebration.


LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
: What is the current status of my {self-love} cup? {draw a cups card)

Garnet Witch Tarot - Five of CupsI freakin’ knew this card was going to come up.   It took three tries before a Cup card finally fell out of the deck, which really isn’t that bad all things considered.  I could have had to try twenty or thirty cards before getting a Cup.    That said?  Of course it was the Five of Cups. 

Why?   Because I’m dealing with depression right now and with depression comes great deal of disinterest in damned near anything and everything… including self care and self love.  Maybe especially self care and self love. My cups are spilled all over the floor, my emotions a mess and all I want to do is ignore them and hide from then and be miserable and dissatisfied.  Why?  Because that’s what the chemicals in my brain are demanding.   I’m just trying to do my best not to give in.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?

Transire TarotWhat luck is coming my way?

The Sun – The opportunity to climb my ass out of this depression pit that I’ve fallen into, breathe fresh air, and feel the sun on my face again.

How can I foster it into fruition?

Five of Cups atop Eight of Pentacles – Don’t neglect your work or worry too much about your progress in this area.  It can take care of itself for a while if you just do what’s needed and let the rest go.  There’s no need to push.  You are more than capable and experienced enough to keep things running smoothly while you deal with the lackluster feelings of the depression and the work involved in climbing yourself out of the darkness.


Daily Self Kindness

Today’s self kindness was in the form of allowing myself to spend the majority of my day lying down nursing a migraine. Instead of my natural inclination to try and plow through it and ignore it, I settled in a nice dark room with some migraine meds, and spent most of the day there trying to get it to ease up.