Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twenty two seconds long, and dealt with healing from shame.
I want to say that the only time ideal with shame is the kind that comes during my ultra vulnerable moments of the drop, but that’s not entirely true I don’t think. This is because the meditation today made me wonder if that feeling that I describe as “discomfort” that I still experience concerning the scar on my face isn’t, in fact, shame.
Muffled shame. Partially healed shame. But still…. shame.
I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. But this is the second time in as many months that I’ve wondered this, and so I think it’s something to consider.
I do not agree with the quote given in today’s guided meditation, though. I do not thin that sharing your shame with a sympathetic and empathetic ear will miraculously make it disappear. Shame, especially that caused by trauma, just doesn’t heal up that quickly or that easily. At least, not in my experience.
Today’s draw is the Page of Flame, which is a representation of an receptive omega energy in the area of one’s passions, drive, ambitions, willpower, and inner spark. This is a card of learning and development, and often comes up in relation to the spark of inspiration, the limitlessness of potential in a person or situation, and sometimes the unnecessary limits we put upon those people or situations.
In my mind, I always see the Page of Wands (Page of Flame in this deck) as a boy with a huge and infectious smile standing proud on a hilltop with a bonfire behind him and sparks flying up into the air around him in all directions. I’m pretty sure this isn’t from any deck I’ve seen but is, instead, simply my own mental image of that card’s energy.
That said? I think this deck’s card is a spectacular representation as well. In this card I see the transformative power of life and positivity. The caterpillar, the chrysalises, the butterflies in his hair. The new buds of growing rack reaching up from the top of his head. The lush carpet of new green sprouts. All of it speaks to me of a time of newness, transformation, and growth.
I’ve been feeling my inner self trying to shut down and shut itself in over the past few days. That vulnerable space is starting to get to me. Perhaps too many drops too close together? This card points out very clearly that shutting down is happening, and encourages me to keep up the good fight and not to let myself sink into the suck of the mud and muck.
Deck Used: Stolen Child Tarot